Tommy's Side of the Story
by Anne399
Summary: Follows Instant Star, but shows it from Tommy's point of view. Turns slightly AU.
1. Even Better Than The Real Thing

A/N: I don't own Instant Star or any of the songs from the show.

I really needed this change. When Georgia from G Major called and asked me to produce their Instant Star winner, Jude Harrison, I accepted mostly because I was burnt out at my old label. Now I'm up on this balcony listening to this punk ass, red haired fifteen year old girl trash my name. "Little Tommy Q from Boyz Attack?! He's pop and retro and really lame! You can't be serious!" I remind myself that this is a much needed break and it's only for a song or two, after that, I'm going to Montreal for a vacation. Smirking I reply "First, I'm here because Georgia is a friend, I'd care less about you or your whack contest. Second, the name is Tom Quincy, don't you ever call me Little Tommy Q again." Looking into her embarrassed eyes I figured I'd talked her down enough "Why don't you show me what you've got." I led her into studio one.

Sitting in the sound booth, I expected something better than what I was hearing. I couldn't take it anymore. I called over the intercom "Could you stop, 'cause you're hurting my ears?" I got up and stalked into the recording booth. "You won a contest with that? You're singing like it's a funeral dirge. It's boring. You've got to pick up the tempo, straight quarters on the bottom, watch." I picked up the guitar, show her what I mean and she's looking at me like I'm stupid. "Sing, sing" I tell her. She sings "At least I've got my trusted friend." "Faster" I say. "We're on the road alone again." I sighed, this is crap. "All right these lyrics. We're on the road, we're tired of giving in, we've made it here. Who's we?" She smiles and looks at Jamie, a tall, skinny boy with black hair and glasses, in the sound booth "It's about me and my best friend." I look at her "We don't care about your friend Jude, we care about you. Your song's too bland; you've got to make it personal." "Well, I like it the way it is." "Your song it served its purpose, it won you the contest, but it's not ready, at least not until we rewrite the lyrics." She just looked at me with her mouth slightly agape, like I was ripping out her heart. Jamie opened the door and cut in "Uh Jude, we got to go to that thing." Looking at her and Jamie, I knew she would follow him where ever he led. Georgia saved her from making a choice by telling her she could go for the day. I knew if we were going to rewrite the song, it'd have to be away from Jamie.

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Leaning against my blue Viper at Jude's school I waited for her to leave school for the day. The doors opened and the waiting marching band and cheerleaders launched into a rendition of her winning song. I couldn't get over how cheesy they make her song sound. I watched her taking it all in and waited for her to see me. She looked my way, mouth agape. I give a little wave in return. Walking over she asked "What are you doing here?" I looked at the marching band to make my point. "Rescuing you." Confused, "What?" "That was great by the way, loved the tubas." I said sarcastically. "Yeah" she replied softly. I took off my sunglasses. "Georgia scored you an appearance at the Vinyl Palace." The hottest place for new artists to perform. "Seriously, the Vinyl Palace? I nodded. "That leaves us just two days to work on your song." I was hoping it would be done in time. It needed a lot of work to be ready for recording. "Where are we gonna go?" I smirked, I had her complete attention. "I figured somewhere where you couldn't walk out on me again. Get in." I walked around to the driver side and jumped in. Tires squealing, we took off.

At the lake, I sat against the hood of my car while she messed with the song. We've been here for almost an hour and she just doesn't get it. I watch her for a moment, seeing the slight breeze play with her hair. That shade of red is cute, but I wonder what her natural hair color was; probably blonde. I laughed; she looked up from her guitar "What?" "That's like the tenth chord variation, but you haven't touched the lyrics." "Well, I'm just trying to get it right." I took of my sunglasses "You want to get it right or you want to get it right now?" She glared at me, "That's funny." I pushed away from the car, walking towards her. "You do everything in a hurry?" "Just my music, I'm on a time line." I walk behind the bench she's sitting on. "Right now your job is to get ready to kill at the Vinyl palace." I reached around behind her and placed my fingers over hers on the guitar and showed her what I'm talking about. "Look, the chords you want are in the guitar, they're hiding, they want to come out, but you keep scaring them back in. You want to coax them out gently." She turns her head toward mine and there's a moment when I feel like we connected on a deeper level. I shook my head and moved away from her. I remind myself that she's just fifteen.

I gave her another thirty minutes to see what she'd come up with. I could see she had potential as an artist; she just needed to be willing to reach inside her and bring it out for the world to see. She wasn't touching the lyrics still so I called a halt to the practice session. "We're done here Jude; I can't help you if you won't accept it." She looked up at me. "I'm trying Tommy, I just don't think I need to change the lyrics, they're fine the way they are." I sighed and stared at her. I thought for a moment before replying, "Jude, you have great potential in you, you wouldn't have won the contest if the judges hadn't seen it in you, but you have to let go of your fear of failure. Don't hide behind safe lyrics, bring out what you're really feeling, what you feel, not your best friend. You're not going to get anywhere until you are ready to show the world the real you. People will be able to tell if you're not putting yourself into your music one hundred percent. Trust me, I know." She swallowed hard and put her guitar in its case. "I'll think about it."

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Thursday morning I showed up at the studio. Georgia pulled me into her office to talk about Jude. "So, how'd it go yesterday?" I leaned back in my chair, trying to get comfortable. "It went okay, we had a little heart to heart about the lyrics, I don't know if she plans on changing them for tomorrow or not." She nodded and reached under a folder on her desk and pulled out a tabloid. "So, this picture of you and Jude getting cozy is nothing, right?" I looked at the picture of me standing behind Jude with my arms around her, hands on the guitar. It definitely looked like something else. "Yup, I was just showing her how to bring out her sound. She's got talent but it's raw at this point. Eventually she'll be great, but she needs practice." She dropped the paper in the waste basket beside her desk. "Good, I'm glad we cleared up that issue. I've got a group for you to work with before Jude gets here later. They're the Salads, a garage band EJ found out west. Show me some good stuff tomorrow and I just might keep you on Tommy." I stood up and shook hands with her. "Will do Georgia."

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Jude walked in while I was mixing the last take the Salads' laid down earlier. She sat down next to me and watched me for a moment. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I know you're trying to help me and I'm being stupid about it, but it's always been Jamie there with me and it's hard to cut him out of the song." I looked up from the mixing board and saw her chewing on her bottom lip. "I know its hard Jude, but when you open up, you'll feel the difference and it'll feel like you're soaring. We'll work on the lyrics today, but you need to make the choice to change them. I can't make that choice for you." I backed up the mixed song to a hard drive before hooking up the one I was using for Jude. I looked at her, "Well, get in there and show me what you've got Harrison."

I sat back and watched Jude try out different lyrics. It wasn't working; she seemed to stumble over any change. I left the sound booth and walked into the recording booth, dragging a bar stool next to hers. I laid my hand over hers, stilling the guitar strings. "Take a break Jude, let's just talk for awhile." She set her guitar down and turned to me. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" "Well, where do you want this song to go? A song is a story and this one has a start, it just needs to be fleshed out some more." She stood up and started pacing. "Well, it's about me reaching for what I want. People keep telling me that I'm too young to be thinking about starting up a music career. It's really driving me crazy." I laughed. "Yeah, I had the same problem; I was twelve when I joined Boyz Attack so I know where you're coming from." She stopped pacing and looked at me. "How'd you deal with it? With everyone telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing?" I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. "I was a wild child, I didn't let anyone tell me what to do, it's probably one of the reasons I was always getting into trouble."

She sat down next to me and picked up her guitar. "Yeah, I'm a push over sometimes, but it's mostly with just my family. I love them, but my mom and sister don't understand my love of music. My dad get's it, he's got a whole collection of vinyls." Yeah, I could relate, my family didn't understand why I tried so hard for the audition for Boyz Attack. They thought I was just trying to leave them and the town behind. Before we could talk further, her cell phone rang. "Hey mom." I walked back into the sound booth, not wanting to eavesdrop. She finished her call and walked in with her guitar in hand. "I've got to go; Sadie has some big event that I have to be present for, sorry to cut today short." I wrote my cell number on a scrap piece of paper and handed it to her. "That's okay, family's important. Keep working on that song, Jude. If you have any problems with it or just want someone to talk to who'll understand, just give me a call, okay?" She put the paper in her back pocket and nodded before leaving.

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Friday evening I knocked on the door of Jude's dressing room. Someone had made a little sign with Jude's name on it and decorated it with little pink hearts. How cute, not. I poked my head in the door, "Can I have your autograph?" She was sitting on a pink leather couch with her head in her hands. She looked up and wiped tears from her face. I caught my breath; I can't stand seeing a female cry. I walked over to her, not sure what to say. "Hey, I um rewrote the lyrics and there's a new hook and everything so…" She handed me her journal and took a few steps back. "So, you took my advice huh?" I looked down and read the new lyrics. "This…this is really good Jude." I looked over at her; she still had tears in her eyes. "You know, you should be happy about this." She had written an amazing song.

She wiped the rest of the tears away. "I am." Yeah, and I'm the Easter bunny. "What's going on?" She looked down at the floor. "It's Jamie, he's not coming tonight." I sighed, I barely talked to the guy, but so far he's been a pain in the ass. "For what it's worth, back in the day I went through the same thing with my best friend. It's brutal." I stepped forward and put my hand on her shoulder. "Look, if you ever need to talk anytime about anything, I'm here for you, its part of the job." I knew she hadn't lost my number because we talked for awhile last night.

"I know, before I met you I thought you were going to suck huge." Yeah, okay, I didn't need reminding of the ego bashing I received earlier this week. Before I could say anything she licked her lips and rose up on her toes to kiss me. Totally shocked, yet on some level… I couldn't even go there. "Jude, you're fifteen." She hit herself on the forehead. "I'm, such an idiot!" EJ knocked on the door "Jude, come on, it's time." Jude glared at me, tears in her eyes. "How could I even begin to like someone like you. You're everything I hate about music!" Okay, I don't need an over emotional Jude going up on stage. "Easy." I try to calm her down. "You made me change my song." I shook my head at her. "Don't give me that 'cause your song is a thousand times better since we worked on it and you know it." EJ called from the other room "Jude we need you." She looked at me and grabbed her guitar before storming out of the room. I took a calming breath before following her.

I stood in the middle of the audience and watched Jude come on stage. I wanted to see her from the audience's point of view as well as see if I could overhear any comments they made. As she walked up to the mike and swung her guitar around to the front I could see a transformation taking place. Gone was the crying fifteen year old girl and in her place was a punk, rock vixen.

_I've been sitting in the dirt (for 24 hours)  
I've forgotten what I'm worth (for 24 hours)  
Said that you'd be here last night_

_I'm trying to shake you from my skin (for 48 hours)  
Clean up this mess I've been put in (for 48 hours)  
I'm guessing you can't always win  
I'm guessing you can't always win_

I saw Jamie walk in and waded through the crowd to talk to him. I wanted to settle this thing now for good. He was messing with Jude's head and I had to deal with the fallout. "You couldn't stay away, could you? I mean look at her, she was born for this." We both looked at her on stage, then Jamie turned to me "Back when you were shaking your butt with your little boy band, Jude and I were locked in her bedroom writing songs that could save the world." I motioned to the stage "Does that look like her bedroom to you?" Jamie just looked at me and walked away.

Jude finished the song and the crowd went wild. She really rocked the crowd tonight. She walked off the stage and headed my way. I smiled as she came closer. "Jude that was awesome, you tore the roof off!" She smiled at me and handed me her guitar. "Thanks, but I quit." I turned and called after her as she walked away, but she didn't look back, just walked out the door. I looked over at EJ and Georgia across the room. Great, I'm going to have to explain that Jude just threw a diva fit. I walked over to them and shook my head at Georgia's look. "She took off; I'll talk to her tonight and see what's up. She really did a great job of it though." Georgia took a sip of her drink and smiled. "Yeah, she really did, thanks for pulling through Tommy." I shook my head, "She rewrote the song on her own and I just held her hand when she needed it. I'm going to grab a cd and head over to talk to her." She nodded and walked with me to the back. EJ was flirting with a guy in leather pants, no need to bother her.

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I pulled up in front of Jude's house. She was sitting on the front porch steps, chin resting on her hand. She looked up at me as I got out of my Viper. I wonder what's going on in her head, but before I get down to business, I have to clear up the mess with the kiss. "Jude, if I led you on…" She shook her head no, "Let's just skip this, cool?" I sat down next to her. "Cool. Look, working on a song, it's like falling in love." She looked over at me, obviously wondering where I was going with this. "At first, it's a rush but then it gets painful and sometimes you have to walk away. But sometimes you come out of it with something beautiful like that song. I mean, change can be good Jude, you want proof, just listen." I handed her the cd from tonight's performance. I stood up and looked down at her. "Don't quit, 'cause you're it girl, you're the real thing, you're even better." I walked to my car and turned back before getting in. "Be at the studio Monday afternoon at three."

ISISISISISISISISISISIS

I poured another cup of coffee for myself and waited for Jude to show. She had five minutes before she was late. She came rushing into the reception area, "Sorry, Mom and Dad are at it again and just as I was leaving, Jamie showed up wanting to talk." I took a sip of my coffee, mmh, perfect. I nailed her with a glance, "Look, you walk in this door; you leave that stuff outside and concentrate on laying down this new track. Hear me?" She looked at me and gulped. "Yeah." It's not that I don't care, I do. It's just that this has no business in the recording booth today and I just don't want to deal with it right now.

I motioned her into the recording booth and I took my place behind the glass. I had already set everything up earlier. I sat back and watched her play her guitar for the backing tracks. She had called me Saturday night with an idea for a new song. The conversation started off about the song, but the next thing I knew, we were talking about everything and anything. I like that she sees me, not 'Tommy Q'. After she finished the guitar tracks, I set her up on the mike. I looked at her, she was nervous. I called over the intercom. "Jude, relax, you're just digging deep inside for your feelings." She laughed and shook her head. "That's easy for you to say, you're not about to open your heart for the whole world to see." "Yeah, but that's what music is all about girl." I keyed the track and listened to her sing.

A few hours later, I let Jude come into the sound booth and hear what she just finished. I watched her face as she listened to the song, I couldn't get over how mature she was right this moment. She wasn't the high school girl crying over teenage angst from earlier. She was now a mature killer punk rock star and it showed on the song.

_"I feel chained, chained down  
You shoved me to the ground  
I can't run, I can't shout  
Just let me out_

_So heartless, this couldn't mean less  
Gonna push it in your face  
I'm only human  
And I've got something to say_

_Let me rise, let me fall  
Let me breathe  
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all  
Let me break, let me crawl  
Cause I'll get back up again if you let me fall…"_

She looked at me and just grinned. "It's better than I ever thought I could do. Thanks Tommy!" She leaned over and hugged me tight. As I felt her arms close around me I had to remind myself that she's just fifteen. I pulled back from her and smiled. "Well, we're a good team Jude. You keep letting me help you and we'll have a killer album." She smiled at me again and I glanced at the time. "You'd better go or you'll be late for Georgia." She grinned and left for Georgia's office.

ISISISISISISISISISISIS

Wednesday night, I was hanging out with my buddy Kwest. We were at the bar by the studio and were attracting enough female attention that our conversation kept moving to the back burner. After dissuading one blonde in a nice tight black dress, I waited for Kwest to return from the dance floor. "T, what's up with you? You haven't accepted one dance request all night. If I didn't know you better, I'd have thought there was a woman on your mind!" I laughed, he did know me, but it wasn't what he thought. I just couldn't get Jude off my mind. She called me last night with a new song she was working on. One thing led to another and we were talking for at least two hours, and not just about the song. Her dad and mom have been fighting a lot lately and she's concerned. Her sister is just ignoring it all, not wanting to talk about it with Jude. "Kwest, man, if it was a woman, I'd probably be over at her place showing her a great time, not watching you make it on the dance floor."


	2. Come As You Are

A/N: I don't own Instant Star or any of the songs from the soundtrack.

Six thirty on Friday morning, I was at Jude's school where the photo shoot for Solid's New Faces of Rock was taking place. I'm fortified with my triple shot of espresso from Starbucks. Jude walked out of the school in a dark blue plaid mini skirt with a navy blue blazer. The photographer was going for a school girl rock star look. It definitely wasn't something Jude would have picked out for herself. The photo shoot seemed to be going good, I was staying in the background, just watching. Jude started off a little insecure, but soon got into the grove. Like I said, everything was going good until the photographer got a call saying the cover was pulled and is going to someone else. I turned to EJ, "Find out what's going on and get back to me." I took off for the studio; I had the Salads coming in this morning.

ISISISISISISISISISISIS

Later at the studio, I was actually relieved when EJ interrupted my recording session. The Salads couldn't seem to keep it together and kept bickering. No small talk, EJ just got to the point. "Shanked!" I turned to her "Want to elaborate?" "Darius is behind all of this. He thinks Jude shouldn't have won our competition." Darius and I are old news. "Why do you come to me with this?" She put her hand on her hip and threw me a scowl. "Please, this whole cover-gate thing is clearly a hit at you not Jude." I sighed. "Look EJ..." She cut me off. "Tommy, everybody knows you and he had some kind of falling out years ago." I'm not airing my dirty laundry to anyone. I ran my hand through my hair. "Look, that's my personal business." She glared at me. "It was your personal business, but now it's affecting Jude which makes it mine. Solid locks the new cover on Monday, which gives you just forty eight hours to get Darius to love Jude." She turned on her heel and walked out, leaving me to deal with The Salads' bickering again.

ISISISISISISISISISISIS

I called Jude later that night. "Hey, um I can't really talk right now, I'm under house arrest" I just smiled. "Well prepare to go awol. How'd you like to meet Darius Mills?" She paused for a moment before replying, "The hip hop guy? Why would I want to do that?" I can just picture the confusion on her face. "Because Solid is his magazine and the cover is his call. Look, he's having a party at his weekend place. I want you to come with me." She replies teasingly "Oh, like a date?" I have to get her to understand that this is business; there was no room for jokes. "Look, this is important. It's not just about the cover now. Darius has a lot of power in our industry" She sighed "And he thinks I'm a loser I get it." I ignored the sigh and continued. "Well tomorrow I want to change that. I want to get there early while he still has a clear head. Is that a problem?" "It's no problem." "Good." I hung up thinking about how exactly I was going to get on Darius' good side. He was definitely still angry over his sister, Portia, and my failed marriage. It's been two years, but to D, it could have been yesterday.

ISISISISISISISISISISIS

Saturday morning I arrived at Jude's house. Jude came out the front door, wearing torn jeans and a red tank top. I should have known that things wouldn't go smoothly today. I've come to expect trouble with everything relating to Jude. Sadie stepped away from her car and happily said "Busted!" I just sat back and watched it all unfold. I didn't want to get involved in a fight with those two.

"Oh Sadie! Come on! When aren't you at the mall on the weekends?" Sadie smiled, a little evilly. "Since I know you're up to something" "Right." Jude looked at me a little helplessly. Trouble walking up the sidewalk, I think to myself. Jamie walked up carrying a bag full of food and movies. "Jude, what's going on?" Clearly he wasn't expecting to see me here. Now I'm ready to just get this day over. It would have been fun to see who won the argument, but we don't have time for that. "Jude, let's roll. It's a long ride to Darius' place." Sadie squealed, almost bursting my eardrums. "The Darius? As in the king of all hip hop media, as in there's no way I'm not coming with you!" I asked myself how did I fall into all this drama? "You're such a disease Sadie!" Jude cries out. "Oh, thank you." Jude threw a look my way as if to ask for help. "This is a really important party, really V.I.P."

Jamie seems to be under the impression that wherever Jude goes, he goes. "A party, we're going to a party? I thought we were doing movies!" And of course, Sadie pulls out the ultimate card "Either I come or I call mom" I sighed. I know when I've lost. "You okay." I tell Sadie. I turned to Jamie, "You no way. Doubt I'd be able to get you past the door." He smirked, "Oh relax, it's an afternoon party, how cool could it be?" Seeing Jude's expression, I knew she wouldn't accept leaving him behind. I gave up the fight and they all piled into the Hummer and we were off to the party, like one happy bickering family. I wanted to wring Jamie's neck, Sadie's too, my ears still hurt.

We get there and I ditch Sadie and Jamie and pull Jude off to the side. I have to calm her down after a run in with Eden, the second runner up from Instant Star. I get her calm and now I need her out of the way while I talk with Darius. There's real bad blood between us and I don't need my attention focused on anything other than getting the job done. "You've got to learn how to work the room. You see the D.J. over there? He'll spin you at other parties. You see the bald guy over there by the bar? That's John Jenkins. Johnny does most of the features for Solid magazine. I want you to go charm them as practice. I've got to go talk to Dairus and see if he'll agree to meet you." She starts freaking out "What! He hasn't agreed to see me yet?!" "Relax" I see Darius notices me and motions me over. "I gotta go, so you're going to be on your own." She looks uncomfortable so I console her "You're going to be great Jude." I leave her to work the room while I went to talk to Darius. I nervously wiped my palms on my pants. This was not going to be a walk in the park.

"Darius, good seeing you man." I offer him my hand. "It's been a long time Tommy." "It's been long enough." At least I hope it has. He led me into the sunroom so we could talk in private. We sit down. "Remember your first big concert? The food court of a mall." I smile "I remember we got paid in burgers. You're not seriously putting Eden Taylor on the cover of Solid magazine?" I didn't want to sit here making small talk.

"Maybe. I mean she's got skills, looks and she was a crowd favorite at your own competition." Darius pours drinks, acting like there is no need for further discussion. "I want Jude on that cover." Darius sits back "Hey, I don't. Guess who wins?" I lean forward "Man, come on. I know you and me we've got bad blood, but if you're willing to take that out on a girl." "Oh come on that's weak. You think it's about you and me?" I shrug "Yeah" Darius smiles "It's about musical karma. I created Boyz Attack to make a buck. Not to start a new trend. These days music is made by kids for kids. That's bad business for everybody." He's lost me at this point "What's that got to do with Jude?" "Hey, the girl's too young end of story. At least Eden is a woman." I smile and reach into my back pocket and pull out a cd. "She's not too young." Darius laughs. "I've heard that one from you before." I had him the cd. "And I'm still right. Just listen." I lean back as Darius pops the cd in and pushes play. I watch him to gauge his reaction. I know that the song will knock him off his high horse.

"_I feel chained, chained down  
You shoved me to the ground  
I can't run, I can't shout  
Just let me out__Let me break, let me crawl  
Cause I will get up again if you let me fall_

So heartless, this couldn't mean less  
Gonna push it in your face  
I'm only human  
And I've got something to say

Let me rise, let me fall  
Let me breathe  
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all  
Let me break, let me crawl  
Cause I'll get back up again if you let me fall

If I burn down in this fire  
Well, I got myself to blame  
I can't stop or give it up  
I need to feel the pain

Can you hear me?  
Don't come near me  
You'll just get in my way  
I'm only human  
And there's nothing you can say

Let me rise, let me fall  
Let me breathe  
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all

Say you know who I am  
And what I'm about  
Then you'll understand that I feel alone  
I live my own life

Let me rise, let me fall  
Let me breathe  
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all  
Let me break, let me crawl  
Cause I will get up again if you let me fall

Yeah, yeah, yeah  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
If you let me fall  
If you let me  
If you let me fall  
If you let me fall

I will get up again if you let me fall  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
Yeah, yeah  
If you let me fall  
If you let me fall  
Let me fall"

I can tell Darius is affected. There's no way he could hear Jude pouring her heart out like that and not feel it like a punch to the gut, I know because that's how it affects me. "You're feeling that song. I know you man. Just meet her. Jude is not a kid, not when it comes to music. She is nothing but a mature artist." I feel the deal coming to a close, I know he's ready to sign… then trouble happens. I hear Sadie and Jude yelling. I turn to see Jude pulling Sadie off of Eden, but they both end up falling into the pool. Darius laughs. "You were saying something?" Damn, so close, now there was no way he'd give us the cover. I check the urge to punch my fist in the wall. Instead I stand and shake his hand. "It was good seeing you Darius." "It was good seeing you too."

I meet up with a Jamie and two soaked girls. I can smell the alcohol fumes from Sadie. Great! Just what I need now. I did good though, I calmed down enough not to yell at them too much. Instead I quietly ripped into them. "That was nice work genius. I was close until you two went all kindergarten out there." Sadie looks at me and then upchucks all over my shoes. Now I know my day is complete. Darius takes me by surprise by calling out "Hey Tom, she's got the cover." "What?" I was sure it was a gonner. "Let's just say your girl made an impression on the right people." He turned and smiled at Portia, my ex-wife. Jude gave a little wave. "I was overruled." He looks down at my shoes. "It's a shame about your shoes." I stare after him in a stunned silence as he wraps his arm around Portia's waist and walks away.

Jude turns to me. "I don't get it what'd I do?" I smile and slip on my sunglasses. "Everything." The drive back to Jude's was quiet. For once Jamie wasn't trying to undermine everything I did with Jude and Sadie was curled up in the back corner of the Hummer trying not to hurl again. I'm surprised Jude didn't ask the questions I saw burning in her eyes. I don't want to go into detail on my failed marriage right now; I don't think anyone really has a right to know, but I'd tell Jude if she asked about it.

Pulling up to her house, I get out and carry a half conscious Sadie inside to the couch. After seeing to Sadie, Jude finally lets her curiosity loose. "So, who was she?" I make a small pretense at not knowing who she's talking about. "Portia?" "Yeah." "She's Darius' kid sister and my ex wife." I turned to Sadie to lay a blanket over her. "What? You were married?" Jude seems so mature at times, that when she acts immature, I have to remind myself that she's only fifteen. I heard Jamie whisper to Jude "Oh, yeah he's not too old for you at all." I turn back to Jude, trying to set the record straight. "Look, we were eighteen, I was on tour, it was stupid and impulsive and over within a month. But D, he never forgave me. Look trust me, you're gonna go a little crazy on your first tour too." She looked at me as if I was crazy. "I can't wait. Look, you guys better get going before my parents get home." I walked to the door. "See you tomorrow at the reshoot?" "Yeah." I walk out as Jamie makes some sarcastic comment. I turn back. "Dude, shut it." I put on my sunglasses and left.


	3. Oh Well, Whatever, Nevermind

A/N: I don't own Instant Star or the BSB song 'How did I fall in Love with you'. Shouts out to Chocolateelephantz and Missmassacre for the reviews. Thanks guys for the encouragement. I hope you like this new chapter.

I can't believe how fast the week has flown by. Already it's Tuesday afternoon. Jude's in the studio working on a new track "I'm in love with my guitar." Georgia and EJ are both in the sound booth trying to get a feel on how Jude's doing. Georgia looks at me "I love it. It's got summer hit written all over it." EJ pipes in "Completely, totally agree." I wonder what Ejay really thinks. She's always thought Jude wasn't cut out for this. Georgia continues on "Now it's time to kick our pr up a notch. I want to get some public reaction for this single." "How public are we talking about?" I hope she's not talking about a park concert or anything. "Well, we've arranged a sneak peek at her school auditorium this Friday. We want her playing to her classmates and a half dozen cameras. Do you think she's ready to take this live?" I turn around and look at Jude singing at the microphone. She's rocking it and gives me a smile. "She's good to go." Georgia grins at me and leaves me to tell Jude the good news.

I call over the intercom, "Jude, wrap it up, we've got to talk." She looks at me and I can tell she thinks she's done something wrong. I sit her down and smile. "Georgia wants you to perform your new song on Friday to your school! You think you're up to it?" She smiles, "Oh yeah! It's going to rock!" I smile at her enthusiasm. "Well, get going before your mom hunts me down for you missing dinner yet again." She blushes and grabs her backpack. I think it's kind of cute.

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Thursday, I'm setting up in the studio waiting on Jude. She wants to help me mix the song. It took a few takes last night, but she finally nailed it. She walks is carrying two Starbucks coffee cups and smiles at me. "I know I'm late, but I hope the coffee makes up for a few minutes." I take one and try it, it's perfect. "You know exactly how I like my coffee, Jude. You pay too much attention to me." I smile as I say it. "Well, Tommy, it's easy to pay attention to you." Was that a faint blush in her cheeks? "C'mon girl, let's get down to business. I think we need to increase the bass a little to give it more of a rocker feel." I sit down and start mixing the song. She sits next to me and I catch a whiff of her scent, vanilla. I shake my head to clear it, remind myself this is just business. An hour later, after much joking around, I hand her the finished cd. "C'mon, it's late. I'll give you a ride home."

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Friday saw me at Jude's school yet again. Jamie had been showing EJ and me around. We walked outside and there was a crowd around Jude who has giving an interview. Jamie waved his hand at the crowd. "I don't get it. Most of these kids don't even like Jude." I look around at the kids vying for the camera's attention. I just shake my head. "But everybody loves the camera." EJ pushes Jamie towards Jude. "Come on, get in there. She's waiting for you." I watch Jamie walk over to where Tanya was interviewing her. He seemed as if he didn't really want to be by her side. Very un-Jamie like I mused. I focused on Jude talking to the camera. She seems a little unsure of herself, but she's trying.

"3 months ago, I was sitting in my bedroom alone, playing my guitar. Now I'm about to perform in front of the entire school. It really makes me laugh." She smiles at Tanya. Tanya replies "So artists have a lot to handle with just the recording process. How do you handle music and school at the same time?" "Um, it's wicked, it kind of keeps me balanced. But so does this guy. This is Jamie, he's like my musical Gandolf. I trust his taste more than anyone's." Jude pulls Jamie into a side hug. He still looks off to me. I wonder what's up with him.

I snicker in my head. Gandolf? That's so stupid. Trust Jamie to come up with a nickname like that. I look closer at Jude. Her eyes seem a little tired and she looked a little down. I know she's been having problems with Sadie and her parents, but I didn't know she'd been losing sleep over it. I reminded myself to talk to her about it later. I focused back on the group instead of losing myself in thoughts of Jude.

"Interesting, Gandolf. So you must have heard the new single. What's the word on the street?" Jamie looks uncomfortable, put on the spot. "It's very enjoyable in a uniquely familiar way." Jude peers into his face, trying to get a read on him. I'm watching a car crash. I can't look away. I know now why Jamie's not himself and now I'm going to have to do some damage control. I give EJ a little push so she'd break up the interview. "Mmm, sounds interesting. I'm excited. Your fans are excited I'm sure." EJ steps in and ends the interview. I pull Jude away to do a sound check on the equipment in the auditorium. I can't believe how stupid Jamie can be at times. Jude looked as if she was hit by a truck. I wanted to hug her, but with all the cameras around, I didn't dare. I hoped if I gave her some space, she'd work it out. I led her to the auditorium to do a sound check.

We are up on stage and I'm holding a mike, "Check, check." I wince as I receive feedback. I look to the sound techs. "What's with the feedback Rudy?" Jude's tuning her guitar. She's been quiet since the interview. "Tommy, what do the words uniquely familiar mean to you?" I sigh in my mind. Damage control. "They mean I'm a deliberately obscure 16 year old music nerd. Keep tuning, your G's flat." She just looks at me. "Okay, seriously though, what does it mean?" I don't understand how she can rely so much on this guy. He doesn't know her, not all the way, not little things that a best friend is supposed to know. I think he just builds this image of who Jude is supposed to be in his mind and doesn't really look at the real her. "Jude! Cut the cord already. You're about to serenade your school. You're stressing over just one kid? Why?" She just looks at me as if it should be perfectly clear. "Because it's Jamie!" I continue with the sound check, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

I see Jamie walk in and ignore him to. He's on my shit list today. Okay, I admit to myself, he's on my list most of the time. Jamie walks over and pulls Jude off stage for a private discussion. I continue testing the microphones while pretending to ignore them fight over whatever they are talking about. I already have a pretty good idea that it's about her song. Jude throws Jamie one last scowl and storms out of the auditorium. Jamie shouts after her "Jude, I'm just trying to protect you!" If I could, I'd give Jamie a restraining order. All he seems to do lately is mess with Jude's head. Today should have been great for her, but here he is causing all this drama for Jude. I decide to leave her alone for now. Sometimes if I push too hard with her, it just makes matters worse. Anyway, she has another interview in a little while. Hopefully she'll clear her head in time.

EJ walks in and I can tell she has some problems she needs my help with. "Tommy, the principal wants to use some of the senior class band members up on stage with her during her performance. He thinks it'll be great and he's not backing down. Could you go give him your evil eye and meet up in time for the interview?" I sigh and looked at her, she's been a little stressed today. I put down the microphone and smile "Okay, EJ, but you owe me one."

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We're holed up in the high school music room for Jude's next interview. Georgia and I watch as the guy from some music magazine talks her up. Don't ask me which magazine it is, I lost track of who was who after the first two interviews. Jude is sitting on a desk and the guy asks her "Almost finished your first new album. Ready to sneak peak your new song. Things are happening fast for Jude Harrison. How do you feel?" Jude looks a little sick. She sighs and replies "Nauseous." Georgia and I look at each other with the knowledge that this isn't going to be good.

"How would you describe your new single?" Jude toys with her hair. "That's a really good question right now. Um…" EJ pipes up, trying to save the interview from total disaster. "It's fun, very hooky. You're gonna love it!" Jude doesn't seem to appreciate the help though. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you okay? The song is bad, it's gimmicky corporate crap." She stood up to leave. I turn to Georgia and mouth "Jamie" EJ tries to stop Jude but of course she's not willing to stay and finish. She looks back at us "I'm sorry, I can't do this right now!" and walks out. I follow her, but she runs off before I can talk to her.

I realize that I couldn't fix whatever was wrong with her. There was only one other person I know of to talk to. Seriously, right now I could really hurt Jamie for all this trouble he's caused today. I walk down the hallway in search of him, ignoring all the girls calling out for autographs. I find him pulling stuff out of his locker. I didn't mean to get physical, but I guess I just snapped. I shoved him against his locker and got up in his face. "Hey Golum!" He pushes his glasses up "That's Gandolf" I smirk at him. "Yeah, like either one is cool. Jude just ruined an interview and ran off. Why?" He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a crumpled paper and gave it to me. It was a sign saying to walk out on Jude's performance.

I looked up at him wondering what else happened. I knew Jude was stronger than this. "Okay, this is bad, but..." Jamie looked a little scared of what I'd do next. "Plus I kind of told her I hated her song." I just give him the evil eye. I could not believe this guy. He's supposed to be her best friend but he doesn't get her. "I hated her song, not her." I wanted to throttle him, but instead I let him know he messed up big time. "To Jude that's the same thing man. You know, you might think you know a thing about music but you know jack when it comes to musicians." "I know Jude!"

I really wanted to turn that little light in his head on. He only thought he knew Jude. I couldn't believe him. I've only known Jude for a few weeks, but sometimes it felt like a life time. I knew Jude could stand up to almost anything. "Then you know she'd be able to handle this if she thought you had her back!" The little punk just looked at me with his hurt puppy dog eyes. This kid needs to grow up. "What do you want me to do?" "Whatever you said, unsay it." I start to walk away, but turn back. "And stop messing with my artist's head. We are not having this conversation again. Right?" He just looked at me like I wasn't making any sense. "Right?" I said again, getting angrier. "Right." Jamie replied and walked away.

I decided to give him some room to fix this problem with Jude. Walking back to the auditorium, I ignored all the girls giving me google eyes and smiles. I'm thankful Jude doesn't fall all over herself around me. That's probably one of the main reasons I like her. She doesn't see me as Little Tommy Q anymore. Well, at least not after that first week. We've gotten so close that we can tell each other just about anything. Sometimes I wonder if we've gotten too close. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I walked back to the auditorium to resume the forgotten sound checks.

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An hour later, everything having been taken care of, EJ hunts me down. "Tommy, I can't find Jude anywhere and she's going on in a few minutes." I look at her face, the panic she's trying to hold down and tell her not to worry. Hunting the hallways again, this time for Jude, I see the cluster of girls hanging outside the girl's bathroom. I get close enough and hear their conversation. "Yeah, she's just sitting there on the floor, not wanting to talk to anyone, acting like the stupid rock star the press is trying to make her out to be." The blonde flipped her hair and smiled at me as I came closer. I ignore the smile and ask her "Jude's in there?" She nods, tongue tied and I just push past her and walk into the bathroom.

I think it's funny, the reaction I have on these girls. I haven't performed in years, but they still go crazy. I smile and tell them "Sorry, I'll just be a minute." They all clear out and I look at Jude. Sure enough she's sitting on the floor under the window. I walk over to her and try and break the ice with a little humor. "Tommy Q invades school girl bathroom. Gonna read about that one tomorrow." I lean against the window, right next to her, thinking furiously on how to fix this. "You're on in ten. You know Christina Aguilara's prom? The whole dance floor emptied when they played her song." I look down at her as she looks up at me. The sight of her tear filled eyes hit me like a punch to the gut. Yeah, I've definitely let her get to close to me. I'd worry about how to fix it later.

"Great, I have to worry about my prom now?" I give a little smile. "I'm just saying. I've played empty rooms before. Every artist has." She looked as if I sprouted a second head. "This is not just another empty room Tommy! This is my school auditorium! I'm in front of my friends and cameras." I know the pain she's going through. I've had the same thing happen to me too, well, not the school auditorium, but the friends part. "I hate to break it to you Jude, but you are gonna face worse. Bad reviews, empty stadiums and canceled tours." She stood up and I leaned into her. I checked the urge to draw her into a hug. "I need to know that you can handle that."

She looked at me like I had all the answers. Sometimes I wish I did. "Okay. Then tell me how to not care what people think." At least she threw an easy one my way. I thought she already learned this lesson, but I'll throw her a refresher course. "By caring more about what you think! Don't you ever ask anyone's permission to like your own music! You understand? Do you love that song?"

She shrugged "Yeah, I did. But then Jamie made me doubt." And we're back to Jamie again! I've had enough of that kid to last me a lifetime. "Forget Jamie" She looked at me, tears starting to dry up. "You know I love it." My little rock star started peering back at me through the drying tears. "Don't you ever let your friends or the crowd tell you if it rocks! You go out there and you tell them. I believe in you." She smiles and I walk out. In my mind I shoot a basketball through a hoop, whoosh; perfect shot. Now I have to let EJ now the latest crisis has been diverted.

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I take up a spot at the back of the auditorium. The principal announces Jude as she walks on stage. "This is my new song and I think you're gonna love it." I start to clap as the music starts. I can't believe these people! Even before she starts on the first stanza, people are standing up and walking out on her. I know I can't force them back into their seats, but I sure wish I could. To relieve some of the tension inside me I give a jaunty salute as they file past. I turn back to the stage to watch Jude, getting into the music, but some idiot starts booing. I've had enough; I walked up to him with my arms crossed. I give him the evil eye. I've been doing that a lot today. "Boo again." He looks at me as if I didn't really mean it. "Seriously" I say. I'm actually enjoying this. I know I can't really get him into trouble, but he's scared enough already. I walk to the back and turn around, meeting his eyes. I see him swallow and he turns back around and yells "Yeah!"

He's right to be cheering. I grin as I look up at Jude, she's rocking the crowd, being the natural star I know her to be. Just for now, I think to myself. I'll soak it all in now, but later I have to figure out what to do. My life is so screwed up, I can't let anyone new get too close to me. Most of the students get up and start dancing in front of the stage. It's perfect. She finished her song, but they want more. Jude smiled at me over the crowd and launched into 24 hours. I can't take it anymore, she's messing with my head. Most of the time, I see her as she'll be in a few years, strong, confidant, an amazing woman. I remind myself quite a bit everyday that's she's just fifteen going onto sixteen. I let EJ and Georgia know I was leaving and took off. I needed to get my head on straight and figure what I wanted to do.

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I was at my apartment playing the piano when she called. I knew she was probably confused at my leaving without saying good bye. I picked up the phone, "Hey girl, you did great today. You totally rocked the crowd." I can feel the tension radiating over the air waves. "Tommy, you just left, did I do something wrong? I mean other than having a total melt down over Jamie?" I sigh, still a little confused on what I want to do. This gig was supposed to be a mini vacation, something to give me a little breathing room and some time to work on my own stuff. Jude though, she was like a hurricane, taking over and wrecking havoc in her path, unless you were at the center of the storm. Those calm periods never lasted long though, and then you were tossed right back in, needing to duck and dodge things at every turn.

I realized she was waiting on an explanation while I had been lost in my thoughts. "You didn't do anything wrong Jude. I just had something come up that I needed to take care of." I was really hoping she bought that. "Okay, will I still see you at the studio on Monday? I have some ideas on a new song." "Yeah, I'll see you Monday, but I gotta go." I hung up with her and laid my head down on the piano. I really needed to figure this out. I've made so many wrong moves in my life, that I was so sick of them. I wanted something to go right, but this couldn't happen. One, it's illegal, and two, I'm her producer. I knew it would weigh on my mind all weekend, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and started working on my song. Playing a few notes, I started to work on the lyrics.

Remember when, we never needed each other  
The best of friends like  
Sister and Brother  
We understood, we'd never be,  
Alone

Those days are gone, and I want you so much  
The night is long and I need your touch  
Don't know what to say  
I never meant to feel this way  
Don't want to be  
Alone tonight


	4. Hey Sister

A/N: Once again, I don't own Instant Star. Thanks to all the reviews sent my way.

Late Saturday, I drove to the lake to think things out in my head. It was a stupid idea. I couldn't remember anything other than the time Jude and I were here working on that first song. I stopped and thought about all the other places we've hung out together, how for the last few times I've been there; it's the same thing, always thoughts of Jude crowding my head. I knew I had to make a change. I just didn't know what I wanted to do about Jude. I pulled off my sunglasses and looked around once more before jumping back into the car. I figured I needed to go somewhere Jude and I had never been in order for me to think clearly.

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It was Monday and even though it was only eleven o'clock, it has been a long day. I was pouring my third cup of coffee when Jude came over to me. Just seeing her all happy and shiny made me smile. "What's the grin for Quincy?" "Oh nothing, it's good to see you up out of bed before noon." I just had to pull her leg. It was a teacher in service day at her school, so no school for her today. She punched my arm. "I have a few ideas I've been tossing around and I wanted to hear your take on them." She moved over to the couch and I followed. Opening her red notebook, she flipped towards the end. I realized she'd probably need a new one soon. I'd go shopping later in the week and find one in her favorite color.

She started singing one of her ideas. Before I could tell her that it wasn't that good, she stopped and turned to another page. "I've been having problems. I think I have writers block or something. Everything I've tried to write has been crap. I thought I was wrong, but just seeing your face, trying not to say something mean, made me realize it." I didn't know what to say. I thought I did a good job of hiding my emotions from her, but she just proved me wrong. "I'm sorry Jude, I…" She cut me off. "No, you don't need to be sorry. Looking at these, I see they aren't recording material. Thanks for the time though." She looked over my shoulder. "Georgia is paging you; I'm going to spend my free day holed up in my room trying to come up with something better than this." With that, she turned and left me to face Georgia. Whoops, I'd forgotten I had told her I'd only be a minute.

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I didn't see much of Jude on Tuesday or Wednesday. She was going around to all the radio stations to see if they would play her newest song, 'I'm in love with my guitar'. I found the perfect notebook for her when I was at the book store on Thursday. It was silver with black guitars on it. I wrote a note on it and left it with her mom. Jude was out with Jamie when I stopped by to give it to her. I couldn't hang around, I was already running late. I promised Kwest I'd meet up with him at our favorite bar.

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I walked into the bar and searched for Kwest. I wasn't even there for a minute before a leggy blonde came up to me. "Want some company?" I shook my head no and walked to the back. I had finally spotted Kwest in the corner. "Hey man, what's up? I haven't seen you all week." He just looked at me and smirked. "Yeah, it's because you've been hiding out from Jude withdrawal symptoms." Okay, maybe I have been a little bummed because I haven't seen much of her this week, but I couldn't let him get away with ribbing me like that. I punched him in the arm. "No, it's because you couldn't tear yourself away from that brunette you picked up last weekend. What was her name? Cindy, Mindy? Something with a y at the end." He just laughed at me. "Her name is Mindy and we're through." I smiled and leaned back into the wall. "Ah, that explains why we are here on a Thursday, you want to get someone new lined up for the weekend." Kwest just shrugged. I hung around for awhile until Kwest chose his newest friend. I didn't know why he kept doing this, but if he wanted someone different each week, I wouldn't judge him. I paid my tab and left so he could get better acquainted with Jenny. I figured I'd go home and work some more on the song I was writing. I was having some problems with it.

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Friday morning I'd made the decision to leave. Jude didn't know until Georgia told her. I almost wish that I hadn't told Georgia I'd finish one last project for her. There was a group coming in later to record and she was short a producer. Jude found me cleaning out my desk. I knew she was angry, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't let her inside my life, it was just too messy already. I decided I needed more coffee if I had to deal with her. Understandably, she was a little hysterical. After all, I didn't mention anything to her on Monday that this was a possibility.

Jude stared at me as I poured my coffee. I could feel her eyes digging deep into my soul trying to prod me into staying. "You're leaving?" I sigh, here we go. "I'm strictly free lance here. I can go anytime." I'd planned on only being here for a short while from the beginning, but that was before I got to know Jude. "But why now?" I know she wanted to say more, like was it her fault? What did she do wrong? Sometimes she can be a bit insecure, but she's still growing up.

I sipped my coffee before replying. "I need a vacation. I thought I'd kick around Montreal for awhile." She touched my arm, partly trying to keep me from walking away. "So, you're just gonna bail on me? Tommy we have a single to write. We have to do it fast." I knew she was having problems with finding a radio station to play 'I'm in love with my guitar." I saw the picture of Eden full of dart holes. I actually threw a few at it myself. I needed to get Jude to see that she had to move on. I hated the thought of her working with someone else, her getting close to someone else, but I had to save myself. I was drowning in emotional crap and I just couldn't let Jude add to it.

I took another sip of my coffee. "And you will. Just not with me. You got a new producer starting next week." She just looked at me, her eyes filled with such pain that I almost changed my mind. If she had stayed there a few seconds more, I'd have probably said something stupid, but she stormed out of the studio. Georgia walked over to me and gave me a sympathetic smile. "I know she took it harshly, she's really going to miss you Tom, we all are." I looked at her, saw she really meant it. "I'm going to miss you guys too."

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I'm producing my last song here at G Major. I thought it would be one of Jude's, but Georgia has me filling in for someone else. I know I should keep my mind on business, but that last conversation with Jude didn't sit too well with me. Every time I remember our last conversation down the road, it will always be with her walking away angry at me. Maybe that's the reason I caved in to Jude when she called asking me to hang out at the ranch for one last song.

"It'll be like a working vacation. We'll hang out, have a barbeque, totally chill and write a kick ass new single." I could feel her excitement radiating through the phone. I wasn't going to back down that easy. "I kind of got my hands full this weekend." Tommy, come on. What did I do?" That was, until she laid that guilt trip on me. I know she didn't do anything wrong, she'd just been herself. But I guess she thought this was her fault. I couldn't let her go on thinking that, so I caved in. "Nothing, I mean look, if anyone's to blame for your single tanking, it's me." Yeah, let her think it's all about her single, nothing more.

"That's what this is about? Tommy, don't worry about I'm in Love with my guitar. Let's start over, reinvent ourselves. Okay, let's make a deal. We write a new hit this weekend and you agree to stay." Okay, I have to think quickly, I know, her parents would never agree to this, her dad hates me. I don't feel too bad agreeing because I knew it wouldn't happen. "Alright, you're telling me that your parents are okay with this, you and me all alone?" Then she pulls out the okay from dad and I know I've sunk my battleship, hell, my whole fleet. I was doomed. "About that, Kat and Jamie are staying over too." I shook my head, how did I get myself into this mess. I already agreed, so I just told her I'd pick her up tomorrow and hung up the phone.

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Saturday around ten o'clock, I pulled up to Jude's house in the Viper. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she walked out the front door. Somehow I managed to walk around the car without falling flat on my face. This is going to be bad. For once I was actually thankful for Jamie. He had walked up with Kat as I was staring at Jude. "Hmm. Four butts, two seats. I think I see a flaw in your plan here chief." I looked at him. "Dude, don't start. The H2 is in the shop, besides, you have a car." I lowered my sunglasses as I looked at the car in question, a faded blue ford heap of junk. "Sort of." I continue. "Why don't you and Kat drive together?"

Why this started a staring match between Jude and Jamie, I don't know and didn't really care. I thought we'd stand there all day until Jude made the decision. "Guys, c'mon. We have to talk about the song." I knew Jamie was whipped when he pulled Kat into him and gave her a hug. Wait a moment; I backed up in my thoughts. I'm whipped because I was stupid enough to agree to this whole weekend thing.

I motion Jude to the car; get settled in before starting off to the ranch. I'm in a bad mood and it's not fun. Jude is so excited I'm surprised she didn't just leap out of the car with joy. I don't know all what she has planned, but I'm starting to get nervous. Somehow, I have to keep cool this weekend so I can leave on Monday with no regrets. I know she thinks she'll change my mind about Montreal, but I think it's a long shot.

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I look at the house as we pull up; it's red brick with blue shutters and lots of trees in the front yard. I feel at home as we open the front door. Jude smiles and looks back at me. "I love this place. It must seem kind of dorky to you, though." I shook my head. "No, it's cool. It reminds me of my grandfather's place. I used to love it there." I took in the living room. A huge mantle above the fireplace was crowded with ribbons and pictures. Walking over to them I was surprised. The angry at each other all the time sisters were actually smiling together in a picture. I mentioned it and Jude walked over to stand beside me.

"Yeah actually, that's us doing a show for our parents. I'd sing and she'd dance." That was her just being a natural star I thought to myself. "Either you guys have got to get a bigger mantle or Sadie has to stop winning stuff." Jude just laughed. "Yeah, that's never going to happen. She has, like an addiction to winning." She was standing so close to me, I had to move away. I saw a picture of Sadie and moved over to it and stared at it like a life line. It kind of was one for the moment. "So what's with this sudden interest in Sadie?" That shocked me. Who'd ever think I was interested in Barbie doll Sadie? I let my confusion show. "Who said I was?" She just looked at the picture in my hand. "No one." Oh, a light came on in my head. Whoops, smooth move dude. Change of subject fast.

"Let's get to work." I moved over to the dinner table where we put all the gear. After setting up the keyboard and laptop I grabbed my guitar and turned to Jude. "A song is a story, so what's our story about?" I knew she had a lot of ideas earlier in the week, but she threw them all out after realizing she hated them all. She bit her lip and thought about it for a moment. "Uhmm, okay. It's about this girl and she really likes this guy. And it's not just any guy, it's her dream guy." My imagination came to life and I could picture it all in my head. I started giving the guitar a quick tune up. "Okay, setting, a train. Girl meets guy."

Jude looks at me, getting into the writing process. "Okay." I smile. "The attraction, obvious." I finished tuning the guitar and started strumming chords, making it sound like train tracks. I started to sing with her following my lead. "I know what I feel and you feel it too." Jude moved closer to me "I dream of the first kiss and who makes the first move. Who's gonna put their heart on the line." I continue on, our faces coming closer and closer to each others. "It could be me, it could be you" She whispers "Tonight." I almost leaned in to kiss her, almost. Sadie saved me by walking in and letting the screen door slam shut.

I lost a little piece of time there somewhere. All I know is when I came out of the daze I was in, Jude and Sadie were arguing on the front porch. They must have reached some agreement because Sadie walked in and said hi on her way upstairs. One look at Jude's face told me not everything was going to be sunshine today. I decided the best thing for me was to be scarce for awhile. "Jude, I'm going to start the grill."

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I finished grilling the hamburgers. My wandering thoughts didn't help, they turned out bad. I joked as I handed Sadie hers. "What do you think about the patented 'Q' Burger?" She looked at me and shook her head. "It's a good thing you're into music." I grabbed the last hamburger and sat down next to her. "So, I couldn't help but notice that you've got a lot of equestrian trophies in there." Sadie looked at me and smiled. "Yeah, I don't do anything unless I can be the best at it. So, you ride?"

Before I could swallow the bite of food in my mouth, Jude looked up from her guitar. "Uh, he's more into cars, not horses. Duh!" I leaned forward and looked at Jude. I didn't want her thinking me stupid or anything. I mean I already messed up with the grill, she just claimed that she wasn't hungry. I think the only reason Sadie is actually eating is because she felt sorry for me."I had a horse when I was a kid." I thought back to those good memories. "Chestnut, saddle bred. I loved her." I loved spending time at my grandfather's ranch when I was a kid. I turned back to Sadie. "You ride English or Western?"

She smiled flirtatiously at me. Whoa, I so didn't need her hitting on me, but I sneaked a peek at Jude and think, maybe it's exactly what I need to keep her distant. I quickly turned back to Sadie just as she was saying "English, it gives you a much better sense of control." I think Jude caught on to Sadie's intention to flirt and didn't seem too happy about it. "Sorry to interrupt, but we kind of have a song to finish." She threw me a look that could kill and moved away from Sadie toward the paddock. I put my plate down and follow her. She tried calling Kat again to no avail and I had to calm her fear that they might be in trouble. "Have you seen Jamie's car? It pushes forty, it'll explode. They are going to be awhile so let's get to work."

I picked up the guitar and sat down. "So, let's talk about our girl, what's going on in her head?" Jude is pacing back and forth and stops to look at me. "Our girl is frustrated." Oh, this is not good I think to myself. "She's frustrated." I repeat back. Jude just smiled a little "Yeah, big time." I tried think of something clever to say to calm her, but couldn't come up with anything. "Okay, let's go with that." Jude starts singing the song. I glance behind her to see Sadie lying on a lawn chair. I get an idea. "Stop it, I got it!"

Jude looks at me, not knowing what I'm going on about. "What?" I smile at her. "Our opening, this dream guy, he's no stranger. She knows him, she knows they are going to hook up and it's going to get messy." I strummed the guitar, started playing the music and sang "You and me all alone, it's too late to say we didn't know. We shouldn't be all alone, one of us might lose control." Jude got into it and picked it up. "I know what I feel and you feel it too." I look behind her at Sadie to see if she's hearing how great Jude sounds. Sadie just looks at me while sucking on a fruit slice. Okay, she's really trying to hit on me now. I turn back to Jude a little bit uncomfortable with the situation.

"I dream of the first kiss and who makes the first move…" She finishes and I get a rush thinking of how great we work together. "That's great!" "Yeah" I feel Sadie's eyes boring into my back and I have to look one last time. Yup, still flirting. "Jude, that really was good, now we just have to think of a bridge for it." She grabbed the guitar out of my hands and stomped off. "I just need a moment alone Tommy." Okay, now I have Sadie flirting and Jude mad at me, nice. I get up to follow Jude, but Sadie stops me. "Let her go, she'll cool off and come back. Let's listen to the radio." I know Jude didn't want me around right now so I sat back down as Sadie tuned the radio into a sports station.

Sadie was right because a few minutes later Jude came back over saying she still couldn't get through to Kat. I looked at Jude, she looked so worried. "They probably took a wrong turn somewhere. Don't worry; they are going to show up." Sadie found a pop dance station and jumped up with a little squeal and pulled me out of my chair. "I love this song, dance please?" I groaned, I just wasn't in the mood. Besides, if I danced with Sadie then Jude would get mad and then it would be a mess again. "My dancing days are over." Sadie just wrapped her fingers in my shirt, her eyes begging me to say yes.

Jude definitely didn't want me dancing with Sadie, or maybe it was the fact that Sadie was hanging all over me like a groupie. "He doesn't want to dance, Sadie!" Sadie just ignored her. "C'mon, show me some of those famous moves of yours." I didn't know how I would get out of this without hurting Sadie's feelings but Jude solved that problem by snapping off the radio. "God, Sadie! Get a hint, he doesn't want to dance." Okay, I think I just jumped from the frying pan into the fire.

Sadie got up into Jude's face "You really don't want to be doing that!" "Really?" Okay, I know that look of Jude's, it means that this is going to be bad. I try and relieve the situation a little by joking "You know, unless pillows are involved I suggest we all just calm down." I watch Jude and Sadie like you would watch a tennis match. The balls over there, no, now it's in her corner. "This is such a classic Jude moment. Daddies little favorite can't stand not being the center of attention!" Now back to Jude "What, me? Oh please Sadie! You want to be the center of attention, you want to be the edges, the whole deal! At least I don't walk around trying to control people." Okay, that got my attention, Sadie tries to control people?

"Like when?" Jude threw her hands up in the air "Oh, pick a day! How about last Christmas, you went all Vegan on us and made us eat tofurkey, I mean, how stupid was that?" Tofurkey? That just turned my stomach upside down. I'd be mad at Sadie too. "You want to talk about stupid? What kind of moron gets six percent in math?" I knew Jude wasn't good at math, but sometimes you just fail a test once in awhile, right? Sadie continued "As a final grade!" Oh!! That sucks. Jude had enough and I had enough. I couldn't take their shouting anymore. In between them telling each other to shut up, I let loose and yelled at them both to shut up before walking away.

They didn't realize what they were doing to each other. I knew they were having problems at home from all the conversations Jude and I had, but this was a whole other thing. I collected my thoughts and just took in the quiet for a moment. Jude had stormed up to the house not wanting to be near Sadie. After while, Sadie walked up to me and looked apologetic. "I'm sorry about earlier. It was a total freak show."

Hands in my pockets I turned to her. "Look, I'm not stupid, alright. I know what's going on. Not that I mind being fought over, but you two got some serious issues, no doubt. You might want to look at them before you tear your whole family apart." Sadie looked ready to cry "It's too late. Mom and Dad are already in therapy and they're still fighting all the time. I sigh, thinking of how many times I've heard this from Jude. I really wish their parents could see what a great family they had before it was too late. "Yeah I know, Jude told me" "What Jude doesn't know is that um… my dad is having an affair. That's why I came, to tell her. But I lost my nerve. You know, she's still my little sister I used to fight bullies in the playground for her. She worships dad. I can't tell her. It would kill her."

I guess I thought too soon. Stewart was already tearing his family apart. I looked at Sadie and reached for her hand. I could already see the tears starting to fall. I'm such a sucker for tears. "Hey, come here". I pulled her into a hug. "It'll be okay, Shhh." I kissed the top of her head. She raised her head and I kissed her forehead. I was just trying to comfort her, but she raised her face up to mine and she kissed me. It was unexpected, I kissed back. The moment our lips touched, I knew it was wrong. We broke apart and there's a million things running through my head. I looked at Sadie and left to check on Jude.

I found her inside finishing the song. It sounded great! "Show me, who you are. Stop me before I go too far, 'cuz it hurts to hold back. So hold me or I might crack." "That's it. You finished it." I'm stunned at the emotion she put behind the lyrics. Jude sniffed. "No, I think you did." I looked behind me and out the screen door, saw the spot where Sadie and I kissed and started mentally kicking my ass. She put her guitar down and tuned to me, still not meeting my eyes. My heart jumped in my throat as I saw her red eyes. I moved to stop her before she left. I had to explain it meant nothing to me. "Jude, just wait."

She looked at me as if I was the scum of the earth. I couldn't blame her "You know, this isn't even about you Tommy. You're just another stupid trophy for her." "I'm nobody's trophy." She threw her hands up in the air "There's never been one thing that she's wanted that she didn't get." I was starting to get mad at Jude. "I can think of one thing." She turned to me wanting to know "What?" I stare at her, willing her to understand that she needed to fix this with Sadie and her family. "A sister! The charts, the money, the fame, it all fades. You got to take care of what lasts."

I wondered what she'd say to that but Kat and Jamie walked in the door. "What's going on?" Jude looked at me, anger and hurt spilling out of her eyes. "We're leaving." And then she walked away. "But we just got here." Fine, I tell myself. I push past Kat and Jamie and walk outside. I want to calm down before I say something stupid, something I can't take back later. I watch as she grabs Kat and Jamie and takes off in his car. I hope it makes it back alright. Sadie walked up behind me. "Your star just left us all alone." I didn't even look at her, just walked back inside to pack up the equipment before heading home. She had her own car, she wasn't my problem.

All during the drive home I reviewed the day. I wondered what I could have done differently to have made it turn out differently. One obvious thing glared in my head, I should never have hugged or kissed Sadie. The thought of leaving for Montreal just filled me with dread. I know I should probably go, just look at all the fireworks that spark around Jude. There is hardly a day that is calm and quiet around her. I figured I'd let her cool off before trying to talk to her. Besides, I needed to think some more.

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Sunday I tried calling Jude. Let's just say that I left plenty of messages on her voice mail. I had plenty of time to think between last night and today. I didn't get much sleep last night. I stayed up and finished the song I wrote for Jude, not that she's ever going to see it. I did figure out what I wanted though. Yeah, I could go to Montreal for a few weeks and return to my old label. Sure, I'd have the peace and quiet I used to have, not these headaches that some days didn't seem to go away. I'm almost tempted to just pack up my car and drive off, but the sheet music sitting on my piano stops me. I just sit and stare at it, thinking over everything that has happened this last month. I've come alive. I was hiding before I met Jude. I was hiding from life, from my music, my friends and family. Kwest was the only one that I let get close to me. Without Jude, I'd probably go back to that drab, dull existence I thought was my life. I knew I wouldn't trade any of it. I'll take the fireworks, the rages, all the drama. That's the whole package labeled Jude.

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Monday morning I was at the studio with Jude and Georgia. Jude was making it a point to ignore me. Fine, I deserved it. I was playing the finished song for Georgia. By the look on her face, I knew she loved it. Her words moments later just confirmed it. "We're gonna knock Eden on her butt. I want musicians in here now!" She got up and gave Jude a hug. She started to leave but then turned back to me. "Uhh, provided we still have a producer." I looked at her and Jude, mostly Jude though. "I hate Montreal this time of year." Georgia just smiled "Ha, good!" She gave Jude one last hug and walked out.

Alone at last, I did what I wanted to earlier. I got up from my chair and moved to sit next to Jude. She was being her typical moody 'I don't want to talk' self. She didn't even want to look me in the eyes, that's how mad she was. "Despite the drama…" She looked at me, I saw the questions in her eyes before she turned her head away. "I really like making music with you." She looked at me again. "Me too." After what felt like an uncomfortable pause to me, she continued. "So, do you really like Sadie?" I looked at her, let her see how much I didn't like Sadie in my expression. I jumped down off the table and reached a hand out to her. "Let's get to work, alright?" She smiled back. "Alright." I just knew from that smile that things were going to be looking up. I hugged her real quick before pushing her towards the door. I had to get a band in here for Jude.

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	5. You Can't Always Get What You Want

A/N: I don;'t own Instant Star or anything. Just having some fun. Hope you enjoy it.

I was pouring myself another cup of coffee when Jude came up to me. She had her head stuck in the new notebook I gave her and was humming a song I didn't know. Hopefully it was the one she started working on yesterday after we finished recording 'It could be you' with the band. I took a sip of my coffee and turned to her. "Afternoon Jude, didn't think I'd see you here after yesterday. I worked you pretty hard and told you to take today off." She finally looked up at me and smiled. "You know me, Tommy. I live for music. I've got this new song that I want help on; do you have time?" I moved over to the couch and sat down. She handed me the notebook. I read what few lines there were. It looked good.

"That's the tune you're humming? 'Cause if it is, we've got to get you into the studio to lay it down." She sighed and looked at me. "I'm kind of stuck on it, so…" I know what she's getting at. We were stuck in the studio all day yesterday and I'd promised her that next time she needed help that we'd take it somewhere else. I made her promise that we wouldn't be going back to the ranch though. After this past weekend, I don't think I could handle it. "Okay girl, let me tell Georgia I'm leaving and we can head to the park." She smiled at me, a smile so full of happiness and joy; it made my heart feel lighter.

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It was a gorgeous day out; summer was just around the bend. Jude picked a quiet shady area to sit down at. "Okay, what's got you hung up? This is great by the way." She focused on a squirrel searching for food. "I wanted it to be about these friends hanging out, but knowing it could be something more. I just don't know how to get it down without it sounding all cheesy." "Okay, sing me what you have and we'll take it from there." She picked up her guitar and started singing. "Waste my time, waste my time, not so sure that I'll be yours and baby you could be mine. It's all about hanging out 'cause you know how to waste my time."

She finished and looked at me. I think for a moment and come up with some questions. "Okay, so, these friends are hanging out, she thinks it might be more than what it is but she's not sure she wants to take the next step, right?" She nodded so I continued. "So, what happens if they do hook up? Will their friends think it's cool or will they have a problem with it?" I was so hoping that this song was not about Jamie. I swear if she hooked up with him, I'd definitely let her know it wasn't cool. She jumped up and started pacing.

After a few minutes of watching her tread grass she came up with something "You're on a roll Tommy. Okay, her friends don't think it's such a hot idea for them to hook up, but to show that point of view, it means that they've already hooked up. I can go with that." I handed her the guitar. "Sing it." She nods "Okay, this is just off the top of my head, okay?" She sings "Friends are telling me I lost my mind when I hooked up with you. Maybe that's true. Said that I'll wake up one day asking what did I do, maybe that's true too. Waste my time, waste my time…"

I have to admit, she surprises me with how talented she is. I would have commented but her cell phone rang. She looked at the picture ID before picking up. "Dad, hey what's up? I'm hanging out with Tommy working on a song." She looked at me before turning away. I really wanted to tell her about Yvette, but I couldn't. She'd hate me for it. You always end up hating the bearer of bad news. I just hope he didn't hurt her anymore than he had to. "No, we're not at the studio; we needed a change of scene." Okay, Stewart wasn't too happy with me being alone with his daughter. Yeah, he does have a reason to worry, not that he knows, but I'm too honorable to let anything like that happen, no matter how I feel about her. "Okay, I'll be there in a little while." I looked at her as she flipped her phone closed. She didn't look too happy.

She reached down and picked up her guitar. "Tommy, I've got to go. Dad has this big plan about going out and celebrating Sadie's newest trophy and they're waiting on me. Will I see you tomorrow?" I ran a hand through my hair, thinking. Tomorrow I had a lot of errands to take care of for Georgia. I was pretty sure I wouldn't have much free time. "I can't tomorrow, but I'll make time on Thursday. I know you; you'll have that song finished and be ready to jam by then girl." She smiled and punched me in the arm. "You're right Tommy; take me home before my Dad calls the cops. He's been acting weird lately, now that I think on it, so has Sadie."

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Georgia pulled me into her office and closed the door. That's a bad sign when she closes the door. I know I haven't done anything wrong, so why do I feel like I'm sitting in front of the principal? I thought she wanted me to run errands for her, not have a closed door session. She sat down behind her desk and smiled. "You can relax Tommy, it's nothing bad." I smile in return and let out the breath I'd been holding. "Okay, you've got me intrigued, what's with all the cloak and dagger behind closed doors stuff?" "I don't want word to get out yet because he is still thinking about it, but Darius Mills approached me about Shay. He wants a new sound and is looking at different producers, you are one of them." I just stare at her. Darius is actually willing to work with me?

"Georgia, you know we don't work well together, but this is something that would be great for my career. What would I have to do to convince him I'm the right guy for the job?" She leaned back into her chair. "You have to come up with backing tracks that will blow the competition out of the water. You know what having a Shay album; even just one song will do for you. Anyone in your position would kill for it. Not many new producers get an opportunity like this dropped into their laps." I didn't have to think twice about it. "I'll grab Kwest and hole up in Studio B all day. We'll have you some killer backings before you leave."

She stood up and grinned before opening the door for me. "Just remember, don't let word get out. No one gets to know about this except for Kwest." "Got it." I walked out, practically skipped out I was so excited. I text messaged Kwest telling him to meet me in the studio.

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Kwest walked in with two Starbucks coffees. "So, what's up? You need my special talents? I thought we finished Jude's latest song, or is it some other artist you're working on now?" I just grabbed one of the cups and laughed. "Hey man, we're laying down backing tracks for Shay's new song. You can't tell anyone though, Georgia wants it kept quiet. We'll find out if we're the winning producer after D's heard all the competition." Kwest sat down and started checking the equipment. "Are you going to be okay with working with Darius? I know there's bad blood between you two over Portia."

I sigh and think about all the reasons Darius and I don't get along. I made so many mistakes and people were hurt because of my decisions, Portia being one of them. "Yeah, I have to do this, I need this to prove to people that I am more than an ex boy bander pretending to be a producer." Kwest looked at me and smiled his encouragement. "Dude, if people don't know how much you rock behind the glass, then this will definitely set them on their asses. I know how much talent you have as a producer, a singer and a song writer. I'm behind you one hundred percent. Just do me a favor though, don't make me break up any fights between you and Darius, okay?" I laughed. "Yeah, it's probably going to get a little rough."

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Thursday and Friday went quickly. Jude and I worked on her new song, I was right; she had it ready to go on Thursday when she came in after school. She had left early on Friday, something to do with Jaime. My weekend was filed with things I've been putting off, friends I hadn't seen in awhile. I look at Jude trying to nail the chorus. I'm in the middle of giving her some help when Darius knocked on the glass to get my attention. Georgia told me this morning that Kwest and I beat out the competition. Of course Jude didn't know anything and she's always curious.

"Darius? What's he doing here?" I looked back at her, "His nephew's coming tomorrow, Shay." Jude's jaw dropped a little. "Shay as in the S to the H to the A to the Y? The Shay? I'm going to be sharing a studio with him?" Okay, I didn't think she'd go nuts over this guy, she was usually pretty cool when it came to other artists. "Shay doesn't really share anything, not a studio or a producer." Her jaw dropped even further. "What? You're producing him?" Okay, I'm a little confused by her awe of this kid, also, I have to admit, just a little jealous. "Look, take studio 3 and just keep working on that song." I got up to talk with Darius and Georgia. They wanted to make sure that I had everything ready for tomorrow.

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Georgia and I are hanging out in the reception area watching as it's turned into Shay's new home away from home. Anywhere Shay went; his pin ball machine and dozen racks of clothes went as well. What happened to little Shay Shay, he was such a sweet kid. I didn't have to think very hard, Darius happened. I left Georgia to have one final check with Kwest before the party started. We had just finished our discussion when I heard Darius greeting Shay.

Kwest and I walked out to greet them and Darius reintroduced us. It had been a couple of years since I'd seen him. He'd changed, a lot. "Shay, remember Tom Quincy? Tom, remember Shay?" I smiled at Shay and greeted him. "I remember some kid in braces named Shay Shay." I motioned to Kwest "Shay, this is Kwest. He's my right hand man, my sonic architect."

Kwest shook hands with Shay. "Hey, me and Tommy cooked up some sick beats for you. Them backing tracks we've got, straight killer." I noticed Shay watching Jude walk by. "Hold up." He walked over to Jude and started hitting on her. Okay, maybe I did have something to worry about. "Are you my new back up girl?" Jude just looked at him like, hell no. "No, I sing lead on my own records." Okay, maybe I don't have anything to worry about. Jude can handle herself, she probably already figured out the Shay was a player.

" Shame, 'cause you definitely look cute enough to be a Shay girl." I had enough, I called out "Jude, don't you have an album to finish in Studio 3?" She looked at me "I know." She gave Shay one last look before walking away, right into a chair. Looking back, kind of embarrassed, "I'm going." I just watch as she walked smack into the door. Shay and his crew started to laugh and I just gave them the evil eye. "C'mon, we've got work to do. Let's move it to Studio 1."

Shay's set up and ready to record. I put on my headphones and could hear Jude in the next room, she had her guitar plugged into an amp. Crap, I'd forgotten it wasn't sound proofed and she's probably a little pissed over getting kicked out of her normal studio. I wasn't the only one who heard her. Shay looked at me and said through the mike, "That's better be Jimmy Paige in there." I called over the intercom "It's Jude, I'll tell her to cut it out."

Shay just looked at me, got a little evil grin on his face. "No, forget it. I'll take care of it myself. "Yo Kwest, turn that beat up." He starts to rap 'Yo, we doing things my way …" Jude's new song "Waste my time and Shays impromptu beebox blended together into my headphones. It sounded really cool. Kwest put my thoughts into words. "It's like a Shay Jude mash up." I grin "And it kills." Darius had to spoil the fun though. He cut the mike off. "Mash ups don't sell a million records."

Darius was his same old self, always my way, no one else's way. "You gotta be open to new sounds D. Let's break out, experiment." "That's like the old Tommy I used to know, always willing to waste my money." I just look at him and start to put my headphones back on. He sets his mind on something and it takes a bulldozer to change it. "Two minutes together and we're already arguing." "And you know we're right, that's why you're putting on your head phones." I let him have the last word, it'd keep him happy and I wasn't in the mood to fight. The sooner we recorded this song, the sooner Darius was out of my life and Shay was out of Jude's.

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We were taking a break after a few hours of recording when Jude stormed in. "You had your entourage ask me out?" Wow, she's pissed and I just want to smack Shay. He's bad news; I don't believe everything I read about in the tabloids. Hey, if I did, I'd have half a dozen kids and three marriages already. I do know for a fact though that Shay is bad news, he runs through girls like water. I guess Darius wasn't happy about this either. "You asked her out?" I just put my head back down and continue reading the magazine I held. Darius would straighten this out.

"I didn't know I needed permission." Jude just looked at Shay. "Okay, it doesn't matter because the answer is no." Shay turned to T-Bone. "The girls afraid, afraid she can't handle the big Shay." TBone just laughed and high fived Shay. Oh, I want to see how furious she gets now. I watch as she knocks him down a notch or tow. "Handle what? Some beebox who needs a stylist to lay out his jammies every night?" Shay got up close in Jude's space. "Oh, so we're gonna play now? Heard you in the demo. You wanna know what I think?" "What?" "It's Avril meets more Avril." C'mon girl, know him out. "Really, this from a guy who doesn't even write his own lyrics? I bet you couldn't even compose a grocery list without Darius holding your hand."

T-Bone puts my thoughts into words. "Damn." I knew Shay couldn't handle Jude, his ego was too big and she just stomped all over it. I had to do some serious damage control, but I secretly wanted to congratulate Jude on winning this show down. "Look, she didn't mean it." I'm hopin g that Shay buys it, but he doesn't seem likely to swallow it. He just stared at her. "Yes she did." He stormed out of the studio and Darius ran after him. Jude looked at me before sliding down into a chair.

I sit down beside her and just think for a moment on how close I was to having a Shay project under my belt. Darius was probably going to give it to someone else now. Oh well, it was almost worth it, almost. Before Jude or I could say anything, Georgia came in. "I don't know what the hell is going on between you two, but this needs to be fixed now. I want both of you in my office now!" We follow her to the office and stand by the door, not really wanting to get too comfortable. Hey, the closer we are to the door, the faster we can make our faster escape.

I didn't think Darius would give it to us, but Georgia works magic and I have the song again. It just hangs on one little condition though. Georgia looks at Jude. "Shay wants an apology. You can do it in person backstage after his show tonight or he walks." Jude uncrossed her arms, looking reading to walk out of the office. "Forget it. I'm not doing it." Georgia just looked at me, leaving it up to me to convince Jude. After all it was my project, and my singer that messed it up. I'm kind of uncomfortable because I know short of me begging, Jude's not going to back down. I pull it all out, the sad face, the puppy dog eyes.

"Jude, please. I need this album. I know apologizing to Shay sucks, but just do it." She's almost there, just a little shove to push her over the edge. I increase the intensity of my puppy eyes. "For me?" She throws her hands up in the air, beat. "I'm gonna need back up." I knew she meant Jamie. If I didn't have to keep him company, that was fine with me.

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I'm standing by the stage with EJ and Shay, laughing at some lame joke he just said when Jude walks in. I try not to stare at Jude in her cute hat and leather jacket. Just then, the emcee introduces Shay. "Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for shay." Shay takes the stage. "Yeah, yeah. …" I'm ignoring it until I hear Shay dedicate his song to Jude. EJ is having a blast but I can't keep my eyes off of Jude. She's getting into the music. Smiling and laughing. It makes me sick. I turn to the bar and order a drink.

After the song I'm standing with Shay by the bar when EJ walks up with Jude and pushes her into Shay. He turned to her. "So, what'd you think? I wrote it for you girl." I was laughing inside. I wrote it for you? The song that said hush little baby don't you cry in it? Is Jude supposed to be a toddler? Come on, I wrote a song for her that was a hundred, no a million time better than that crap! Not that she's ever going to hear it. I look at Jude to see how she's going to respond.

"To be honest, I'm confused. I thought you wanted me here to apologize." Shay steps closer to Jude and takes off his sunglasses. "Why? I ain't mad, you told me the truth, which I never get to hear." Yeah, cause you can't handle it! What kind of crap is he trying to pull? Jude threw the truth in his face and he walked out because of it. "So, about that date? I know a great after hours place where we can go and just chill." EJ is getting excited, her smile stretching a mile wild. "Yes, go have fun just looking great together."

Jamie was not going to be outdone. "Uh jude? I thought we were gonna grab a burger?" I have to end this now. I reached out to her. "No. It's late, go home." She just looked at me for a moment before agreeing. She turned to Shay and thanked him for the song before walking past me to the door. Shay put his glasses on and watched her as she walked out, smiling at the sit of her hip hugger jeans. I just wanted to punch that smug face. EJ was pissed with me, but I just couldn't let her go off with him. Do you blame me? I ditched them both and headed home.

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It was barely Wednesday, but already it felt like it should be Friday. I haven't seen Jude all day and Shay was late for his recording session. I was relaxing and mixing Jude's latest song; that was until Georgia walked in with bad news. I take off my head phones as she sits down next to me. "Shay's driver just called. He's at the movies with Jude. When EJ found out, she actually cried." I couldn't keep the disbelief out of my voice. What happened to the world, is everyone wanting Jude and Shay to hook up?

"Not you too?" "Tom, if Shay dates Jude, it'll be a publicity bonanza for G Major." Okay, she definitely didn't see my side of it. It was a good thing in a way that she didn't. "What Shay is, is a distraction. I'm just thinking about what's best for Jude." "You mean what's best for you? Like Jude's total attention?" Okay, maybe she did see too much, just never called me out on it. "Whatever, I've got a song to mix." She gave me one last look, trying to impart on me how stupid I was acting. I didn't buy it.

I put my headphones back on, listening to Jude singing to me. It should have calmed me down, it normally did, but I couldn't get the vision of them out of my head. Shay and Jude. Sitting in a dark movie theater. Alone. Shay moves in to kiss her… I slam a mental brake down on my thoughts and pull out my cell phone. I debate for a moment on whether or not I should do what I'm thinking. I had to; I couldn't just sit back and not do anything. It was her choice; if she wanted Shay then she'd ignore me. I was hoping that she'd come though. I texted her "Studio is free. Wanna work on your song. Waiting for you. Tommy."

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I didn't have long to wait. I secretly was thrilled that she came so quickly. It meant that she probably ditched him as soon as she received my text. We sit for a moment, mixing the last o the song. She's quiet, deep in her thoughts. I pushed the finished disc into the cd player. "Okay. You want to hit close there?" I nodded to the open disc drive. She pushed it closed and looked at me as the song started playing. "Okay, be honest." I looked at her, wanting to give her honesty. "I guess I was holding you back." She thought for a few moments, listening to the music. "I don't know, it still feels like the vocals are missing something. What do you think?"

I leaned into her and stopped the music. I knew what she was getting at. Heck, even I liked it better with Shay's beebox thrown in. "You and Shay, huh?" She just looks at me like 'yeah!' I continued. "On a date?" "Oh please, we were just hanging out." I knew more about Shay then she did and I didn't want her to get hurt. He'd stomp her heart to little tiny pieces. "I don't think he's a good idea Jude." "Well, he's not an idea, he's a person!" Okay, wrong thing to say. My mind's screaming at me to shut up, to not ruin this any further than I already have, but the words just pour out of my mouth. The filter on my brain has malfunctioned.

"A person I don't think you should see anymore." She jumped up, obviously pissed with me. "What is this? I came here to work on my song, not some lecture!" She opened the disc drive and popped out the cd. "Jude, you don't get it. Whatever he told you, he told a million girls before. In a week, he won't even remember your name and I'll be left picking you up off the floor as usual." "Well you're wrong Tommy as usual." She got up to leave, stopped before going through the door and looked back at me. "By the way, it was a date." I just watched her walk out the door. I was silently kicking my ass every which way to Sunday. I couldn't believe what I had just said to her. I put my head in my hands and just think of the million different things I could have said to get the point across.

I knew what happened, but it was a bitter pill to swallow. I had let my jealousy get in the way of her and Shay. I still think that I'm right, that he's going to break her heart, but I have to keep a lid on my emotions. I can't be acting this way; I can't expect her to understand my feelings for her. I vow to myself to do better in the future. I shut down the equipment and headed home for the day. Hopefully tomorrow wouldn't be so bad. Yeah right.

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I was talking to D in the reception area; he was getting ready to take off back to his humble abode. "I tried my best D." "If the single crucifies, you pass the test. But something happened with Shay. I don't know what, but he wants to bounce." He looked over to where Shay was playing pin ball. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jude walk in. She didn't even glance my way, just walked over to Shay. I know I deserved that and whatever else she has up her sleeve. Georgia walks over to say goodbye to Darius. We talk for a few minutes, Darius is about to leave, my life is about to be simpler, but then Shay called out to Darius. Darius talks to him and turns my way with a little evil grin just for me. "Georgia, Tom's producing the whole album."

I look at Jude; see she's ecstatic over the news. I should be too, but I'm worried he's going to sweep her off her feet, something I can't do. I remember the promise I made to myself and walk over to them both and throw my arms over their shoulders, leading them into the studio. "C'mon guys, let's go lay down that track." I watch them joke around as Kwest and I set up the equipment. As long as she's smiling, I'll do my best to behave. I smile at Kwest and key the music. It's going to be a long couple of weeks.


	6. Kiss Me Deadly

A/N: I don't own Instant Star, just having fun with it. I recently started Summer classes, so if it takes me awhile to post a new chapter, sorry. My professors are hard core and lots of homework! Thanks for all the reviews and support. I hope you enjoy this latest installment of Tommy's side.

All weekend all I could think about was how stupid I was to have put my foot in my mouth the way I always seem to do with Jude. There were a million ways I could have handled the situation differently. Jude is still upset with me, but she's thawing out. I think it's helped that I've kept my mouth shut about Shay. I so didn't want to be here this morning, but Georgia called and asked me to show up a little earlier. She walked over to me as I was pouring a cup of coffee. "Tommy, good morning!" I just gave her the evil eye; it was way too early for me to be happy. She laughed and smiled even brighter. "I see you had a great weekend, you look absolutely chipper today. I need you to start thinking about Jude's first video. EJ is meeting with some directors and she has it narrowed down to two. Tomorrow we meet with the one she picks out. But, here is what I think is so great! Shay and Jude kissing on the video! EJ came up with that, the press is going to love it!" I took a big gulp of my coffee and thought hard for a minute. I didn't want another repeat of open mouth, insert foot. "It's Jude's call. If she feels comfortable with it, then I have nothing to say. I support her decisions." Georgia looked at me, trying to see past the impassive facade I was projecting. "Tommy, I do believe you are acting weird. Just don't let this go on too long, I want Tommy Q back, not this." She waved her hand at me and walked off.

Later on, I was working on mixing a song when I say Jude and Shay out in the lobby. They were on cloud nine and showing it, hands all over each other, smiling at each other like they were the only ones in the room. I shook my head and turned back around. I kept hearing Georgia's words from earlier play back in my head. I couldn't get over the idea of them kissing on camera. I just knew it was going to be a bad idea. He was going to break her heart, but I reminded myself of the promise I made to myself. I sighed and focused back on work.

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Tuesday morning I was stuck in a meeting with the director for the photo shoot. We'd been there for about an hour going over different ideas. I know Jude has been practicing dancing, but it wasn't working out and Georgia knew that as well. "So, the dance concept on the video has been officially rethought." Jude looked up at her and smiled. "Thank you, that was so wrong." Darius walked in like he owned the place. "Yup, she's right. The concept was weak, way too soft for Shay's male demo." I just shake my head and take another sip of my coffee. I didn't get much sleep last night, nightmares from my past kept creeping up. Yeah, I so don't want to go there. I slammed the lid on those thoughts closed. I looked at Georgia and D fighting it out. Back and forth like a tennis match until Georgia is declared the winner and the loser stalks out. "Well, I think that's it." Georgia stood up. "Tomorrow we'll begin shooting early. Jude, get to bed early, okay?"

I stayed sitting and watched everyone walk out. Georgia was the last to go, but she turned back at the last minute and closed the door. I looked up at her as she sat down next to me. "Tommy, I know this is hard on you. You haven't been yourself lately and you definitely missed out on some sleep last night. Do you want to talk about it?" I think, me talking to Georgia about having issues over a fifteen year old girl showing interest in a guy her own age; or, what about the fact that I royally screwed up my marriage among other things and probably don't deserve to have a good romantic relationship at this point in my life. "No, Georgia thanks for the offer, but no." She looked at me closely for a minute before nodding and leaving me there, sitting alone with my thoughts in the conference room. I sat thinking for awhile before Kwest found me and dragged me off to work.

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I showed up to the video shoot bright and early. I actually broke down and took a sleeping pill last night. It knocked me out so I didn't have to deal with any more dreams creeping up on me. No, I wasn't going to keep on taking them, but I had them for the rare occasion that I needed one. I watched as Stewart snapped pictures of Jude, smiling the whole time. She did look amazing. Darius walked up to me. "I see the way you look at her, pride ownership, the same way I look at Shay." I turned to him, "You make them sound like property." He laughed, "Nah, man, this is all from a place of love and respect. We know what's best for them even if they don't." I wonder where he's going with this. "Yeah, I get that." Darius motions to the table next to us. "So explain this, donuts and coffee, a busted up camera. This is amateur night." I sighed and looked hard at him. "So, let me guess Darius, you want to lend G Major the cash, huh? Let's 'bling' it up?" I let some of my anger and frustration with him show on my face. "This is Georgia's show, stop trying to control things." He shook his head "Back at you." And walked away.

I poured myself another cup of coffee as the crew prepared to restart the shoot. I sat down just in time to watch Jude being pushed in a car by some guys. They were sloppy, bringing her to a clumsy stop. I could image how money would help us out, buy us better tools to work with, but no way was I going to blindly accept D's money, he'd take over completely. I watched as the Director yelled cut. Jude had been leaning in to kiss Shay and I could see how badly she wanted it. That look on her face made my stomach twist, but I just ignored it and looked elsewhere. I saw EJ talking on her cell, she looked upset and frustrated. I wondered what's up. I didn't have to wait long, the lights went out and she walked over to Georgia and I. "Our checks still didn't clear. The owner wants us out of here pronto." I looked at Georgia, I knew she'd been having some financial issues lately. She closed her eyes momentarily before replying, "Tell them it's an accounting glitch." D jumped in like I knew he would. "Is that a fancy word for I'm so busted I can't even pay my bills?" "Oh, save it Darius!" Georgia threw him a dirty look. "Hey, I make one call to my bank and this all goes away, but that means I get creative control." I can see it happening, Georgia caving into Darius's plan. "Georgia, don't it's a mistake." She doesn't even look at me, her eyes focused on D. "What's it going to be? No video or my video?" She gave up, "Make the call." I looked at them both before walking away.

I was not going to explode in front of everyone. I knew D, I knew what happened when he took control of things, you wound up doing things you'd never thought you'd do. He didn't want to show people the real you, just whatever brought in the most cash. He was all about the Benjamin's. I calmed down enough before I headed back inside. Most everyone had packed up and left already. I walked over to Georgia where she was staring at the set. "Georgia, I'm sorry that D had to get involved like this." She looked up at me; I could see the pain in her eyes. "I know. I know that you think this is a mistake, and I think it is too but I have no choice. I can feel my baby slipping through my fingers. I built this company with my blood and tears, but we're having so many problems." I sat down next to her and let her talk it all out. She normally kept a tight lid on her personal stuff, and I knew she needed to purge. "I'm so tired of all the hoops I have to jump through day in and day out. I just hope that soon things will straighten out a little or else I'll be kissing this baby goodbye." I pulled her into a hug. "It'll work out somehow, Georgia." She leaned into the hug for a moment before pulling away and wiping her tears. "Yeah, but I'm taking it one step at a time. Darius rescheduled the shoot for tomorrow. See you there." She turned to leave, taking a few steps; she stopped and looked back at me. "Thanks for listening Tommy."

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It's Thursday morning and I'm just waiting for Saturday to get here. It's another freaking early morning and I'm sipping on my Starbuck's like it's the only thing keeping me alive. In a way, it was. I refused to take another sleeping pill last night and woke up at two a.m. from a nightmare; D had bought Georgia out of G Major and pimped it up to his style. The word awful could not cover it. I looked around, yeah; this is how it would be if D ever got his hands on the company. The video was no longer about Jude; it was all Shays' from the steamy car wash to the hot booty girls. How the heck was Jude supposed to fit into this? Oh, right, she was the chick that he wanted to add to his bed post count.

I sat down as shooting started for the day. I ignored most of what was going around, just concentrating on the music. That was until I saw Shay grab Jude's ass. I almost leapt out of my chair right then, instead, I cooled it and yelled from my chair "Whoa! Hands!" D just looked at Shay, "Hands are fine, Shay." I looked at Jude; she definitely didn't want his hands there. Before I could cut in she came to her own defense. "No they aren't!" D got up and walked over to them, it was a strain, but I could hear them arguing. "Look, Jude. I know there've been big changes, but it's my video now." She smirked at him. "Right, and last time I checked it's my body. So his hands go where I say they go." She grabbed Shay's hands and put them above her hips and turned to the director. "I'm ready, let's roll." D walked back to his chair as shooting restarted. I inwardly cheered her win, Jude one, D zero.

The director reshot everything up until the kiss when he called a halt. Jude took off and sat down away from everyone. I watched her play with the threads from her mini skirt for a minute. She looked like her dog had just been run over by a semi truck. I walked over to her, "They're setting up for the big kiss, huh?" She ignored me so I continued. "Want to talk about it?" She looked at me like she wanted to gut me with a knife. "No! With you, I want to yak enough as it is." I grimaced, but knew I couldn't walk away. If we didn't talk this out, she'd be holding this inside, chewing on it for hours. "Sorry, I'm kind of all you got right now." She sighed and looked away, like she wanted to distance herself from me while talking about this. "How do you kiss someone who's just dumped you? I don't think I can handle it." I was proud of myself, I didn't run over to Shay and beat him to a bloody pulp. C'mon, they were on cloud none the other day, Jude is so into him and he just dumps her overnight? What the hell? Instead, I took off my shades before replying, giving myself a calming breath or two. "The way I saw you stand up to Darius, I think you can handle anything."

It was true; I've seen Jude show that amazing strength she keeps hidden most of the time. Sure, she'll go along with you on the small stuff, but when it matters big, she stands up for herself, for what she wants. She sighed and looked at me. "Okay , well what if, hypothetically, this is my first real kiss? Well, with someone who's kissing me back? I just wanted it to count, you know?" Her first kiss? No way, Shay is going to ruin her first kiss! I had to wrap my head around the knowledge that he would be her first before I could think of what to say. "Then hypothetically, it will, but this won't be it. Look Jude, a real kiss, it isn't in the lips, it's in the heart. And if yours isn't in this one with Shay, then it doesn't count." She looked up at me and smiled. "Thanks Tommy. I walked away to let he think over what I said. I wanted another coffee so bad, but my hands were already shaking so I just took a stroll before shooting restarted. I cleared my head and then slipped back into my chair.

Shay was jamming into the microphone; the director was instructing his to play cool and cued the booty girls. He turned to Jude. "Okay Jude, you ready? This time lay one on him!" Jude smiled devilishly at him, "Gladly." She turned to Shay and sprayed him with the water hose that she held in her hand. I covered my smile, trying to hold my laughter inside. She dropped the hose and walked off the set. Shay looked at her furiously before following. Meanwhile, the director is stunned, "Ah, can we just stick to the script, is that possible?" I watch the fight going on between Shay and Jude. "Girl what is wrong with you?" Jude threw him a dirty glance over her shoulder. "Oh, what about you dumping me because Darius told you so? What are you, five?" They stormed into the back and I couldn't hear them any longer. I sat and thought about what Jude said. Darius made Shay dump her? Yeah, I could see that, and truthfully, Shay jumps when D commands it. Jude needed someone stronger than Shay in her life. Whoa, don't go there, dude. I closed those thoughts down and got up to get Jude. The director was motioning to me that he wanted to restart the shoot.

I walked to the back, just in time to hear Jude say "I wanted it to mean something; I wanted it to be with you." I pushed everything to the side in my mind and focused on the job. Later, much later, I could take it all out and examine it, but this wasn't the time. I leaned into the door, catching their attention. "Guys, we need you back on set. Shay looked at Jude and then at me, "You tell my uncle he can wait five minutes." He grabbed Jude's hand and pulled her into a back room. I didn't want to witness whatever was going down, so I left to find D.

A few minutes later, they returned to finish the video shoot. They must have worked out their problems because Jude was absolutely freaking glowing. They finished the video shoot like pros. I turned my head away when they kissed; I wasn't into self torture much. Georgia was so excited at how well it turned out, she hugged me big time. "I have a feeling we're going to make it Tommy! Just wait and see!" For her sake, no, all of our sakes, I hoped she was right. The happy couple left for the day to go eat after Georgia gave them both tomorrow off. I looked around at the crew dismantling the set, grabbed my jacket and took off. I was done until tomorrow. I jumped into my Viper and headed to the lake, it was my thinking place.

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I sat down on the bench where it all started, that moment of connection we shared. I thought over the past two weeks. Working with Jude and Shay as a couple has been grueling. I've been doing pretty good keeping a lid on all of my emotional crap, saving it all until I have time to look deeper into it. I pulled out the idea of Jude having her first kiss today. I looked at it from all angles and sides and still came to the same conclusion. Damn, I wish it had been me. If only she was older, just a few years older, it would be possible. I closed my eyes and let myself imagine, just for a moment, that she was eighteen. Imagined how her lips would feel, how she would taste, the smoothness of her skin as I wrapped her up in my arms. A horn from nearby car pulled me from my thoughts. It was a good thing; I couldn't go down that road. I wasn't going to be that guy, the guy who obsessed over what he couldn't have. I realized it was a mistake to even open that particular door. No, the door to Jude is now firmly closed from here on out. If only it was as easy as saying it. I stood up, removed my shades and looked around one last time. I pictured Jude sitting on the bench, guitar in her hands. She's changed so much in these last few weeks. I slam shut the door in my head and put my shades back on before taking off. I cranked up the music and let the wind take everything away. Maybe I'd call Kwest to see if he wanted to hang out at the bar tonight.


	7. I Wanna Be Your Boyfirend

A/N: I don't own Instant Star or the song Breakdown by Daughtry. I wish I could write music like that, but I can't. I guess I'll just stick to fan fic. Things are going to be changing a little, going a little AU, maybe a lot more later on. I hope you like it. Thanks for all the fab reviews.

Saturday, late afternoon, I was working on a song that was stuck in my head. I had my guitar in my hands, my notebook on top of the piano. I kept changing the chord variation, but I still couldn't get it right and it was driving me crazy.

_Open up the book you beat me with again.  
Read it off one sentence at a time.  
I'm tired of all the lines,  
Convictions and your lies.  
What right do you have to point at me?_

Well, I'm sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee.  
And still crowdin' my space are the things you still hold against me.  
You cannot save me.

Well, it's not the time to breakdown.  
It's not the time to breakdown.  
It's not the time to break up this love,  
Keep it together now.  
It's not the time to break.

I totally forgot Kwest was coming over until he walked in. "Hey man, that's a pretty messed up song, who crapped on you?" I stopped playing and jotted down the chords before I forgot them. "I'm having some family issues right now." Yeah, the song wasn't totally about family though. Kwest sat down on the couch and looked at me, waiting to see if I would continue. Sometimes I wouldn't say much, but there were times when I spilled my guts. I guess today was one of them. "Tristan called me and told me mom's getting worse. I don't know what else I can do for them. She won't accept my help, can barely stand the sight of me. I know I deserve some of it, but I wish she'd just stop and really look at me. I've changed Kwest, I'm no longer the guy I was then." Kwest stood up and put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. "Sorry man, I know how much you've changed and how much this hurts you. Let me know if there's anything you need me to do, K?" My throat closed up. "Thanks man."

Kwest was one of the few people who knew what my home life was like before I joined Boyz Attack. My mom was a drinker then, only not as bad as she is now. I walked over to the window and stared out at the nearby park. I could see were Jude and I went one afternoon to work on a song. I picked this apartment complex mostly because of the security, but I fell in love with the view. "So, are we hanging out here, at the bar, or are you going to finish that song?" I thought for a minute. I had too much chasing around in my mind to stay here by myself. I'd probably slam my guitar into a wall or something. Nah, not my guitar, maybe throw a book though. "The bar sounds good." I turned around and looked at what he was wearing. I definitely needed to change. "Give me ten minutes."

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We walk in to a crowd, everyone is out tonight. I push past the crowd at the bar and head to the back, Kwest follows. We sit at our usual table; I was surprised there was even one left tonight. I notice Kwest isn't doing his normal perusal of the ladies. "What's up man? Don't let my bad mood affect your plans for the night." He shook his head and laughed. "Man, I think I'm growing up. I'm just not interested in picking up quickies anymore." I look at him, he's serious. Just to make sure I ask him "So, you're not interested in miss long leggy blonde heading this way?" He didn't even turn to look, just shook his head no. We sat in silence for awhile, enjoying the beers we ordered, watching the crowd.

"T." I turned back to Kwest and nodded. "Anything else you need to spill?" I shook my head no. No way was I spilling anything about Jude. "Just checking, I know you haven't been getting much sleep lately." I taped my ring on my bottle, thinking for a moment. "I think I got it covered. It's mostly the family stuff, but I got it under wraps now. There's really nothing for me to do. I can't change the past and I can't change stuff that isn't in my power to do so. I'm slowly accepting that and moving on." At least I hope so. Kwest nodded. "Cool. I don't want to be waking you up in the studio on Monday." I groaned. "Hey, we're almost done with Shay's album, so just hold on and we can celebrate when he's gone." I grinned. "Yeah, I'm definitely rolling out the red carpet for his departure."

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Sunday afternoon I finally nailed it. It took awhile, but my song was done. It felt like I wiped the slate clean, all the negative things, the nightmares and crap that was bringing me down was washed away. I just hoped it would last for awhile. I grabbed my iPod and headed out to my favorite café, Piazza Venezia. There were a few things almost as calming as billboard mp3s and a double espresso. It would have been better if I didn't have to sign an autograph every five minutes, but hey, I can't fault the fans. I was just about wrapping it up for the day when Sadie walked by.

"Sadie, hey!" I don't know why I called out to her, maybe because I don't think she hangs out in this part of town or something like that. We talk for a while, she's taking advanced Italian, and I let her practice on me. I don't know what's going on in her head, but she was definitely flirting and trying to score a date. I couldn't even picture me going out with her. "Look, my friend cancelled on me for Friday. Maybe you wanna hang out?" I drank the last of my espresso, "Sorry, I'm kind of busy." Nope, couldn't take a hint. "Well, I'm also free on Saturday." I wrapped my ear buds around my iPod before shoving it into my back pocket. "I'm kind of busy then too, later Sadie." I walked off before she could try again.

It's not that I don't think she's pretty, she is, but I'm just not interested. I wandered on home, stopping here and there to look into a store window. You could never start your Christmas shopping too early. I looked at the setting sun and just tried to soak in the peace from today. Tomorrow was going to be painful. The happy couple would be hanging out in my studio all day long. Oh, I almost forgot their third wheel, T-Bone. Oh well, I'll just keep my cool and let it all slide away.

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I took a break from the sound booth, leaving Kwest to keep everyone on track. Jude had, of course, written another fantastic song and was laying down the guitar tracks. Shay and T-Bone were helping her along by being a pain in my backside. Georgia saw me in the reception area and walked over. "How's it going in there?" She nodded to studio one. I finished pouring my coffee before turning to her. "She'll have it nailed by Friday. That is if twiddle dee and twiddle dum let her work." She reached past me for a bag of pretzels. "Yeah, but don't let them hear their new nicknames, they're money in the bank." I shook my head and walked off. It always comes down to the dollar sign. Georgia's not as bad as some people, namely, Darius. At least with the video out and Shay's new album just about done, she doesn't have to worry too hard, but I know she's not out of deep waters yet.

I heard a crash come from studio one and turned around. Shay was helping T-Bone up off the floor. I really didn't want to know how that happened. At least nothing looked broken. If any of the equipment was damaged, heads would roll, no matter what Georgia said. I decided I had enough of a break, time to assert some control in there. Kwest looked up as I walked in. "She needs to redo the last stanza and then she's golden." I tripped the intercom. "Okay kids, let's see if Jude can finish this and then we can all go home. Start is up again Jude." I sat down and watched Shay and T-Bone try to make Jude laugh. I couldn't wait until they were out of here. I heard a rumor that Shay might be going on tour. I'll probably find out for sure in a few days. Rumors like that tend to be true.

Jude managed to get it in one take, I couldn't ask for a better one than that. They took off pretty quick; I guess hanging around here wasn't number one on their list. Thank goodness. I turned to Kwest, he was backing up today's work on a hard drive. "So, I heard Shay might be going on tour. He laid down his last track, how's the mixing coming along?" Kwest wouldn't let me near any of his tracks now that we had all the basics down. Kwest was the king of mixing, he could take something that sounded like crap and turn it into tomorrow's hottest hit. "I'm almost done; I'll probably finish it tomorrow. I heard that rumor too, you know what they say." I stood up. "Yeah, it's probably true, see you later man."

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Wednesday night, Kwest and I were in the sound booth, watching Shay's and T-Bone's antics. Some were funny, but mostly they were annoying, especially when they made Jude mess up. They've been hanging out with Jude all week. Every time Jude has laid anything down this week, it's been with those two in the room. I turned to Kwest "It's like she can't record without him here anymore. I mean, what does she see in him?" Kwest laughs, I know, stupid question, I already know the answer. Jude laughs and Kwest rekeys the music. "Money, fame, talent? You're right, complete mystery." I shook my head. "That's a rhetorical question man, I know what she sees in Shay, I was Shay." Jude laughed again, she obviously can't concentrate. I have better things to do than to waste my time here. "Kwest cut it."

I got up and stalked to the recording booth. They were going to get a piece of my mind. I pointed at Shay and T-Bone. "You just blew a good take." Shay just shrugged, acting like it was no big deal. "Relax, that was her fifth good take." Of course Jude has to make peace, "It's okay, I'll sing it again, it's fine." Not going to happen. I think it'd take a miracle for Shay and I to get along. "You know my girls been rocking the mike all night. The song's done Quincy, we've got places to hit." What did he say? If I could, I'd throw hit out on his face this second, but Georgia would kill me. I round on him "It's done when I say it's done. Shay Shay." T-Bone started backing me up away from Shay, I guess he's smarter than he looks, 'cause it most definitely would have come to fists in a minute. Lucky for us, Jude intervened and shoved them both out the door.

"What is up with you two lately?" Yeah, it's hasn't been our best days lately. "I'm just worried about you Jude, you're losing focus." Take tonight for example. We wasted hours in here for what? So Shay and T-bone could play around? She slammed her fist on her hip and gave me her 'I want to hurt you' look. "I sang the song every way you asked me to Tommy, if you're not happy with it, then maybe the problem is you." Okay, maybe she had a point, she did do everything I asked, it just took three times as long tonight. Before I could reply Shay came in and dragged Jude away. I walked back into the sound booth and found Kwest pretending interest in an old cup of coffee.

"Yeah, we check the recordings and see what we have. Hopefully it'll be something worth our time from tonight." Kwest stood up and grabbed his bag. "I can't tonight, I have a date." I sit down and look up at him "When did this happen? I thought you swore off of one night stands?" He ran his hand through his hair and laughed. "Yeah, I did. I've got a date with Sadie though. She came in yesterday and was looking for Jude to go shopping for a prom dress. Jude already left with Shay so Sadie and I talked for awhile and one thing led to another." I chuckled, "Have fun." At least she's out of my hair for now. I turned to the mixing board as he took off. Everyone's having fun tonight but me. Oh well, I could go home to an empty apartment and my guitar, but then I'd feel like it was staring me down, waiting for the next song to come pouring out of me. Yeah, better see what I can scrape up for Georgia in the morning.

ISISISISISISISISISISISISIS

Thursday I had a reprieve from the trio. Georgia gave me the good news after she listened to the song Jude recorded, 'Your Eyes'. "It's great, I love it. Great work Tommy, I know it's been rough. I've seen some of the things going on in there. You have a free day today; Jude's shopping for a dress for tomorrow night." I looked at her and gauged her overall mood. It's always good to wait until she was in her happy place before asking for favors. She was definitely there this morning. "Georgia, since I don't have any other bands coming in today, could I use the studio to lay down some of my own tracks? You know, just personal stuff?" She smiled at me. "Yeah, but only if you're not needed elsewhere today." "Thanks." I walked out and headed over to the couch where Kwest was sitting, chilling. "Hey man, I need your magic today. Georgia gave me the okay for my use of the studio. I want to lay down 'Breakdown'." He grinned at me and refilled his coffee mug before following me into the studio.

ISISISISISISISISISISISISIS

A few hours later, I had the acoustic version down, later I'd see about adding in some drums and bass. I put away my guitar and walked into the sound booth. Kwest handed me my hard drive back. "That's great, I haven't heard much of what you've written lately, but if it's like that, you could have a kick ass album there." I shrugged. I've been down that road, trying to get my solo career off the ground after Boyz Attack. Yeah, it didn't do too well. "I think I'll just keep this private for now, but thanks." I shoved the drive into my bag and sat down next to him. "So, how'd it go last night?" Kwest lit up like a freakin' Christmas tree. "Amazing! We have so much in common; we were talking for hours man. I'm taking her out later this weekend." I nodded, not much to say. "Yeah, that's great." We hung out for awhile before calling it quits for the day. Kwest walked away with plans for tonight and I walked away to head home to an empty apartment. I wouldn't normally mind, but lately I've been getting cabin fever. Normally, Jude and I would hang out a couple times a week; either working on music or talking. Ever since Shay showed up though, it hasn't been happening. Maybe I'd take a drive somewhere.

ISISISISISISISISISISISISIS

Friday afternoon I was in the lounge refilling my coffee mug. Shay and T-bone were playing football. I'd just heard the news from Georgia this morning that the rumor was true, Shay has a tour coming up fast. I walked over to Shay. "Just heard the news about your new tour man, congratulations." I can feel freedom fast approaching, just a few days and he'll be gone. "Thanks man, I still gotta sign the contract, but France, Italy, U.K.? Hey, it's all good." Yeah, been there, done that. It was a blast. T-bone came up to us with the football in his hands. "You do remember rule number one of the road though, right?" "Yeah, I remember the rule." Sometimes I wonder if T-Bone is dense or something, if Shay looked at me like he was looking at T-Bone, I'd probably have left it alone, or not. "No attachments." "Mind your own 'aight." I just looked at Shay for a moment, tapping my ring against my coffee mug. I wonder when he'll tell Jude he's leaving. I walked back to the studio to work on some more mixing. I wanted to make sure Jude's song was perfect before I handed it to her.

ISISISISISISISISISISISISIS

Maybe I'm being selfish, okay, I admit, I am totally selfish. How else am I going to see Jude in her prom dress that she spent days searching for? I decided tonight would be a good time to drop by and give her the cd. I had to do some fast talking because it was evident she was still mad at me. "Don't slam the door, we need to talk." I was disappointed; she wasn't wearing a dress tonight. Instead she was wearing hip hugging jeans, a green and black shirt covered by a black velvet jacket. She still looked pretty good though.

She pulled the front door shut behind her, "Tommy, now really isn't a good time." I could tell by the dozen roses she held that it definitely wasn't. I handed her the cd I just finished mixing. "It's the song we were recording." She took it and looked at me. "Yeah?" Time to eat dirt and get out of here. "Shay was right, you nailed it." She smiled. "Look, I know you have problems with Shay, but you just don't know him like I do." Okay, I so didn't want to go over all the problems I had with Shay. "I…" I was about to say that I was going to take off, but Sadie blew it by opening the door and cutting my off. "Tommy, what are you doing here?" I was about to say I'm leaving but once again, steamrolled. She called back into the house that I was staying for dinner and then dragged me inside. I really had better things to do on a Friday night.

The family was already set to sit down at the table, so Sadie dragged me over to the chair next to hers. Stewart offered me some wine and I accepted; I'll probably need it by the end of dinner. Shay and Jude were sitting across from me and I could tell that they both didn't want me here. Dinner was progressing okay, Stewart and Sadie carrying most of the conversation with Shay getting in a few digs at me. Of course, I threw my share back at him. Stewart turned to me. "How's Shay's next album sounding Tommy? Jude says it's almost done." I couldn't resist giving Shay something to be worried about; he'd know right away I wasn't talking about his album but about him. "I'd say it was complex, not what it seems on the surface." Stewart nodded and Jude, sensing dangerous waters, changed the subject. "Dad, how's the wine that Shay brought you?" Okay, throw in my face that Shay brought all these nice dinner gifts, but then I wasn't planning on staying for dinner, and of course, I wouldn't dream of trying to buy the family's affection.

Stewart took another sip of wine before replying. "Chateau Dupree 82, this is hype, too bad only three of us can drink it." I had to admit, it was a really excellent wine. Shay saw an opportunity and moved in. "That's right; I forget how old you are Tom. It's funny in this business, how quickly we pass our prime." Now Sadie was trying to bring about peace, maybe she should try for a position with the United Nations. "So Shay, what's next for you, new album, more videos?" I raised my wineglass and blurted out what has been on my mind all week. "How about a three month world tour?" Of course he hasn't told Jude yet, I wonder when he was planning on it, probably never. "There's no world tour." She looked back and forth between Shay and me. "Is there a world tour?" Shay sank down in his chair, "Well, we're still finalizing the details, but…" He trailed off and Jude pierced me with her look. Jeez, I've gotten it so many times this week; I'm getting sick of being on her bad side.

She stood up. "Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second Tom?" I placed my napkin on the table and followed her. She turned on me and started pointing her finger into my chest. "What was that? What's your problem?" This is so not happening. "What, he's lying to you and I'm still the bad guy?" When is she going to wake up and see the real Shay? "Maybe he's just waiting for a good time to tell me, Nancy Drew." I couldn't help it, I exploded. "He wasn't going to tell you. Look, Jude, when I was on the road, I had a different girl in every city." Jude sighed. "That's just the life of a superstar." She looked at me like I was scum. "No it isn't Tommy. It's the life of a super jerk. Look at you. I think you're jealous because Shay has the solo career you wanted after Boyz Attack, right?" I'm stunned, I can't look at her. That was a low blow, even for her. She came up to me and put her hand on my arm. "Okay, I didn't mean for it to come out like that." I just shook my head. "I was just watching your back." She took her hand away and backed up. "Don't. I don't need it."

I was saved from saying something stupid by Vicki. "Jude, Kat and Jamie are here." Jude walked to the door and turned back to me. "I have to go to a dance now. With my boyfriend." Yeah, I know she thinks I need reminding of that sometimes, but I really don't. I hope she woke up soon. "He may be your boyfriend Jude, but you're not his girlfriend. Just ask him, ask him what the number one rule of the road is." I brushed past her and sat back down in my chair. Jude and Shay took off without giving Kat and Jamie a chance to say hi to anyone.

Sadie and I were quietly talking when Vicki walked in with dessert. She lit it and it burst into flames. "Mom, its baked Alaska, not nuked Alaska!" I hid my smile. "Oh dear!" She ran to get something to put out the flames with. Stewart was at the bookcase pulling out his Dylan records. Sadie nudged me and nodded at him. "Save yourself okay?" Stewart walked back into the dining room with a record in his hands. "I found it Tom. Montreal '75, when Dylan opens with his version of 'When I paint my Masterpiece'. I had gooseflesh. Ever see it?" Yeah, way before my time. "Actually I wasn't born yet." He was in the zone; I don't think a nuclear warhead would stop him from telling us all about his records. "Right, but Dylan's next concert, now that was legend."

I didn't know what to do so I just nodded. That was the wrong thing to do. "I think I have it in the basement." He got up to go to the basement but stopped to say "This is so much fun for me, you have no idea." I looked at Sadie, I was a drowning man. She laughed, "I'll get you out of here, if you take me out tonight." I stood up and looked down at her. "Sadie, I'll take you to Paris as long as Kwest doesn't kill me when we get back." She stood up and grabbed her purse before yelling "Dad, Tom's taking me to the movies." She grabbed my hand and we were out of there. Once outside, I held the car door open for her. "Do you really want to go to a movie?" I jumped in on my side and buckled up. "No, coffee will be fine, but I'm warning you. I plan to pick your brain on Kwest." I started the engine. "Coffee it is."

ISISISISISISISISISISISISIS

Saturday afternoon we were in the studio again. Jude was laying down guitar tracks and I was telling Kwest all about last night. "So, Sadie now has a lot of ammo to use whenever you guys get into a fight, be careful man." I laughed at his wounded look. "I can't believe you did that man! You should have never told her the story about that time in Vegas. I'll never live it down." I dodged the love tap he threw. "Hey man, it was war in that house, I had to get away from Stewart, the man was crazy!" We both turned as Shay stepped into the sound booth. "Hey, can I talk to Jude for a minute?" I hit the intercom, "Jude, you got a visitor." She looked up at me and I pointed to the door where Shay was standing.

Kwest and I pretended not to notice or listen to the conversation they were having in the recording booth. "So I got my tour dates firmed up, I'm leaving Monday. Look, Jude, I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you about the whole tour thing. I totally screwed up there. I'm new at this. Okay. But I'm really, really trying." Jude turned back to her music journal and made a notation in it. "So am I Shay, I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm just asking for a normal boyfriend." Okay, she still doesn't have her head on straight. Shay moved closer to her. "I mean, that's the problem. I hate to tell you, but you left normal a long time ago. You're a star girl. Besides, why be normal when we can be exceptional together?" Jude looked up at him, their faces close to each others. "Okay, but what about rule number one? When are you going to break up with me?" He moved in closer. "Rules are meant to be broken."

Kwest leaned into me as they kissed. "Did you warn Jude about Shay?" I thought about something Sadie said last night. We talked quite a bit about Jude and Shay after I satisfied her curiosity about Kwest. "Jude's a big girl, she can look after herself." Kwest just shook his head. I grabbed my coffee mug and went to get a refill. I swear I live off of coffee and music. I reminded myself once more as I was pouring coffee, Jude can take care of herself and she's not my girlfriend, nowhere close.


	8. Shay Withdrawal

A/N: I don't own Instant Star or 'Falling' by Clay Aiken. This is a little piece of time in between Shay's leaving for tour and Jude's birthday. BTW, it might be awhile before I post anything new.

If you would have told me two weeks ago that I would wish that Shay never left for tour, I'd have told you wrong. You'd be right though. It's been two weeks since G Major saw Shay off on his three month long tour. Jude has turned into a basket case and is making my life living hell. Oh, she'd probably tell you she's fine, but let me tell you what she's been doing. She sits and mopes about how Shay hasn't called her in the past six hours, she can't write, she has trouble concentrating in the studio; she constantly asks Kwest what he thinks of it all. No, she definitely wouldn't ask me anything at all. She's still holding a grudge about my dropping the tour bomb. That's what it's called now, by the way. Sadie came up with it last week.

Speaking of Sadie, Kwest is still interested in her. I thought that maybe it was too fast, but they seem to be enjoying all the time they spend together. Kwest forgave me for slipping Sadie some insiders on him; Jude gave him a few tips on Sadie. Let's just say that I never want to go over to their house before eight in the morning now, not that I've been to their house lately. I've been barred by Jude. Oh well, it's not like we've been hanging out lately. Actually, I haven't been hanging out with Kwest either, on account of Sadie. They are such the happy couple and I'm not going to be a third wheel. So I've been on my own, keeping my own company.

I couldn't sleep so now I'm in my living room staring out the window. I have so many thoughts running around in my head and I can't find the door to shut them out. I take a sip of my coffee as I try to sort them out. There's my fear of failing my family, not that I've done such a great job of it so far. I left them for Boyz Attack when I was twelve and I don't see them all that often. It's sad, but it's easier to send money and talk on the phone than to go and visit. Tristan called again, mom's not even pretending to want to get better anymore. I heard her in the background yelling about how I'm no good as a son. She could never see past my faults and it will never change. I can't go back and change who I was, but I've changed into someone that I want to be, someone I can be proud of, mostly.

Then, there's Jude. Yeah, she's with Shay, I get that. I also get that she's fifteen and off limits. Well, she'll be sixteen here in two weeks, but she's still off limits. What bites the most though is that she's the one person that really sees me. Kwest and I are cool and all, but he doesn't see me all the ways that she does. She sees who I've become and all the hopes and dreams that I've built. She sees deep inside my heart to the dreams that I'm afraid to voice aloud. It sucks majorly that we're not really talking much. I miss hanging out with her in the afternoon or on Saturdays. We have so much in common, it's not funny. Lately, it feels like I'm missing a part of me. Sad, huh? What's even worse is that I see how much she really cares for Shay and I just know that he's going to break her heart. That's just the type of guy he is. Sadie reminded me of how strong Jude is and that I don't need to protect her. I try to keep that in mind every day.

Georgia's been on my mind too. She's trying to keep her head up, but I can tell she's still having problems. She's put so much of her soul into G Major and I hate to see it go under. I would help her if she would take the money, but she won't and I won't force it on her. She doesn't talk much about it, but I can see it in her face sometimes when she lets her guard down; just the other day she was watching Jude and I could see the fear and uncertainty over the future written clearly on her face. I didn't call her on it, I wanted to, but it was too raw, too painful for me to touch. I know she's just waiting for some of the artists' albums to take off and bring in the money. In fact, the Salads album is almost done. They laid down the last song on Friday. I spent the whole day working with them, making sure they gave their best. It's going to rock the stores soon. Hopefully even hit number one on the Billboards.

So, yeah, I have a lot on my mind, no wonder I can't sleep. I took another sip of coffee and let my mind wander. I could feel lyrics for a song tease the edge of my mind. I let the silence soak in, staring out into the night. I used to do this often in the past, it was like a close friend, never questioning, just accepting my moodiness. It's almost there, I can almost see it. It suddenly clicks and I rush to get my notebook before the words slip away. Maybe it's everything that I can't change, my mom's constant barrage of faults, obsessing over something I can't have, peace with her, and an older Jude. I don't know, but know it's pouring out of me, my pencil is flying across the page and I'm hearing the music as well as the words. I pick up my guitar and let it flow out of me, through my fingers and up out of my mouth.

_Silence  
Long lost friend  
You've come to me again  
Night comes closing in  
And the loneliness within__A taste of bitter sweet_

I'm older  
Should be wiser  
Still I never seem to learn  
I'm closer than ever  
To the edge

And I'm falling  
I'm falling  
From the world I used to know  
Been trying to hold on  
To something for so long  
Now this never-ending dream won't let go  
I am falling...

Restless  
I lie awake  
And try to escape  
Memories that never sleep

I'll hold on to forever  
Still I'm stuck in yesterday  
I'm closer than ever  
To the edge

And I'm falling  
I'm falling  
From the world I used to know  
Been trying to hold on  
To something for so long  
Now this never-ending dream won't let go  
I am falling...

Come back and wake me up again  
I can't face this world alone  
Cause in my dream  
I return and then  
I'm falling, I'm falling

The minute I struck the last note, peace seeped into me. I knew that if I went to lie down, I'd fall straight to sleep. I can't hold onto this dream of everything turning out perfect. Life is messy, full of pain and unfulfilled desires. I just had to get over it. I put my guitar back on its stand and grabbed my car keys. I wasn't ready for sleep yet.

I headed east on auto route 20 toward Kingston, letting my mind relax, just driving. It was soothing, me alone on the road, the radio on my favorite station. I don't know how long I was driving, but as soon as the sky started brightening, I found a spot to park by the lake. I always love watching the sunrise, the way it lights up the sky, slowly at first, giving you a preview of the new day. I leaned against my car just taking it all in. Most people think that I'm happy to be living in the city, but there are times that I wish for a place on the lake, away from everyone. I know I can't hide away from my problems. I just take them one day at a time.

I flipped my cell phone open to check the time and the date caught me off guard. It hit me like a sucker punch; this was the day Angie died, three years ago. I can't believe I didn't remember it earlier. I said a prayer for her, trying not to let the guilt swallow me whole. If only I hadn't broken up with her that night, she wouldn't have taken my car and crashed. I shed a few tears, thinking over my time with her. It was too short and bittersweet. I truly loved her; I loved her so much I was willing to walk away from her for her own good. I'll always cherish the time we had, but I can't keep chaining myself down with guilt over my many stupid mistakes. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I couldn't change the past, that I could only move forward. I took one last look; the sun had risen above the horizon, it was a new day. I turned around and jumped in the car, heading back to the city. I have my life to live; I'm not going to live in the past anymore.


	9. Unsweet Sixteen

A/N: I don't own Instant Star or the song 'Inconsolable' by BSB. Just having a little fun with Tommy's head. Hopefully I don't crack him up too much. Thanks again for all the support you guys have shown me for this fan fic. I really appreciate it. I decided to treat myself after this last round of exams by finishing this one chapter and updating the first two, I added some parts to the first one, but left the second one relatively untouched. I apologize for any delay in posting new chapters; I'm currently maxing out my workload on nursing classes this summer and the coming fall, so please be patient with me. Sorry, for the long A/N, just enjoy the chapter!

In the sound booth, Kwest, Jude and I are listening to her track Your Eyes on speaker. We were listening to all the songs Jude has recorded, trying to figure out what else to add to the album to round it out. I held out my coffee mug and shook it in Jude's face. She looked at me annoyed before grabbing it and heading out to the lounge to grab some more coffee. I followed her a moment later.

I came up behind her, trying not to stare at her butt, it was hard, but I managed. She's bending into the fridge looking for creamer and finds the birthday cake I left there with a candle on it. I tapped my watch. "1205, it's officially your birthday. Don't quite know what to get the girl who almost has it all. So, tell me what you want." She brought the cake over and sat it between us on the countertop. "There's one thing. Shay's coming back tomorrow. Just for the day, for the party." Yeah, I've heard this a thousand times in the past week already. "Yeah, I'm counting the moments."

"See, that. I want you guys to get along. You both mean so much to me and I don't want to fight about it anymore. Please?" Okay, the sarcasm wasn't a good idea, and we really needed to mend fences over the whole Shay thing. Us not talking, not spending time outside the studio is killing me. I smile at her "That's your wish?" She shook her head; "Yes" I'd do anything if it means we go back to pre-Shay. "Okay, it's a deal." Her smile lit up her face and all I could think about was how to keep it there. "Okay."

I flicked a match and lit her candle, "Make a wish." I hoped it was a good one. "Thank you." She came around the counter, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I wrapped my arms around her briefly before backing up. "Happy sixteen girl." We sat down and dug into her cupcake, chocolate of course.

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Later that day, Jude is in the lounge working on a new song. I walk up to the balcony and lean over. "Is this a private concert?" She looked up at me, "No." I smiled "Don't stop, I love it. What's the chorus?" She strummed the chorus

_Time to be your only one, always be your way too young._

_Time to crash into the sun, time to be your only one._

She stopped and looked up at me again, "The endings not done or anything. I just wanted to sing it tonight for Shay." My smile fell away "For Shay." She's going to waste a beautiful song like that on Shay? "Mm hm." I sighed, "It's your birthday. He should just be happy that…" Jude looked away. I remembered my promise this morning and switched directions. "You know what, never mind, doesn't matter." Her smile lit up the room. I haven't seen her this happy in days. I want to keep it that way. "Just come with me for a second." She wrote another notation in her journal, "No, I should keep on working on this." I gave her one last look, "I mean fine, if you don't want your real gift from me." I put on my sunglasses and start to walk away. Jude grabs her guitar down and chases after me. "Okay, I'm coming."

We headed outside and I covered her eyes with my hands before we got there. I was walking right behind her and she was so impatient, "Okay Tommy, how much further?" I smiled, I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when she saw what I had planned. "Whoa, just wait." I moved her into position in from of my Viper and removed my hands from her eyes. "And open!" She squealed and jumped around "You're giving me your viper?" "Whoa, releax! It's your birthday, not your coronation! I'm gonna give you a driving lesson." I knew she's been really excited these last few months, waiting for her birthday. "Really?" I looked at her, slid my shades down my nose, "If you think you can handle it." She grabed the keys from my hand and ran to the driver's side. "Try me."

I buckled up in the passenger seat and looked at her; she was ready to go, almost. "Seatbelt, seatbelt." She reached for the seatbelt and buckled herself in. "I know!" Yeah, she was in such a hurry for her first lesson, I wonder if this was the right thing to do. She started the engine, getting ready to put it into drive. I cringed and yelled "Parking brake!" My poor baby! Jude looked at me, obviously not liking my interference, "I was gonna do it." I leaned back into the seat, trying to stay calm, I could do this. No one has ever driven my car, except for me. I breathed out, "Okay." She gave the car some gas, too much gas, and then lifted off the clutch too fast. Okay, she's a newbie and it'll take awhile for her to get the hand of it. "Clutch, shift." She threw me a glance before trying again. Once again, it was rough. "Is there a reason why shift sounds like gas to you?"

She gripped the steering wheel even tighter. "Sorry!" She gave it one more try and caught on to the foot motion she needed. She smiled at me with an evil grin, "Okay, are you ready?" I didn't like the look of that grin, but this was her moment. "Ready." She floored it and took off, squealing the tires. She made the turn out to the street okay and we stopped at a red light. I had to catch my breath and before I could say anything, the light turned green and she was off! I guess she really enjoying the race cars at the golf course. "Jude! Slow down, and stay in your lane!" She was wobbly, swearing a bit, but she corrected herself. We had a few near misses and I had her drive back to where we started. As soon as the car stopped, I had an urge to kiss the ground, but I checked it. I looked over at her and she blushed, it was so adorable. "Okay, I guess I'm not ready for NASCAR then." I laughed, "You're not ready for rollerblades." Don't even ask me to go skating with her, she probably run over my feet a million times before the night was over. She glared at me, "What, just because I almost this one dog?" I shook my head at her, "No, because the dog was on the sidewalk!" She laughed and threw her hands up in the air, "I'm so bad. I'm so bad."

I leaned over and turned the ignition off. I looked up and she was looking at my funny. "What?" She smiled shyly, "It's just that I miss us hanging out." I knew the feeling all too well. "Me too." She playfully punched me. "You can be a serious pain in the butt Quincy." She reached over and kissed me on the cheek, and I leaned into it, my eyes closing on their own. "But, there's not one thing I'd change about you." I don't know what I would have said to her, my emotions were reeling. I was saved from stuttering something by the ringing of her cell phone. She grabbed it like it was gold, "Hi, Shay?" I sighed and let myself relax back into my seat, that was a close call. I could tell by the slump of her shoulders that it wasn't Shay. "Oh, hi EJ, what emergency?" She hung up with EJ and turned to me. "Ej has some fashion emergency I have to help her with. I really enjoyed today Tommy, I hope things will be getting better between us, spend more time together." I smiled into her eyes, "Yeah, me too, better go find EJ before she hunts you down though." I watched her walk into the building, just savoring the last few minutes. I thought I had my head on straight lately, but today showed that I was nowhere near being over Jude, and she didn't even know I like her. That's a good thing though…right? I shook my heads at my thoughts and walked inside to find Kwest.

I found him in the alley signing for a package. I had a whole list of things I wanted to cover with him tonight for the party. I barely waited for the mail man to leave before I started in on my list, following Kwest to the reception area. "Look when you spin tonight, I want you to start with 24 K? Cause it's Jude's favorite." Kwest turned around and peered closely at me, searching intently for I don't know what. "Yo, yo, yo, hold up, hold up! You let Jude pilot your ride, and I can barely scam shotgun. What, are you now, her party planner?" I took off my shades and looked at him. "You got something to say, just say it." He swallowed before looking at me, "Well, you wouldn't be the first producer to cross that line." I made a slashing motion with my hand and started to walk away. "I'm not even hearing this!"

He followed me and kept at it, like a dog with a chew toy. "Yo, listen, listen man. I know you. Alright, you're falling for this girl. Now I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to hit that in another few years." He was so right, I fell for Jude and I feel guilty over it, like I did something really wrong, but if I don't cross the line, then there's nothing to worry about, right? "Look, it's not even what this is about." I stopped and turned to him. "Kwest man, you think I'm okay with this huh? That the coolest chick I know, the girl who gets me the most is sixteen? Give me a break man. She's out of bounds and I'm not that guy." Kwest nodded, "Good. But if she was 21?" I didn't even have to think about it. "In a split second." With nothing else to say, I walked away. I had a few hours to get ready for the party.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

I made it early to the party, Shay hasn't arrived yet, thank goodness. I can't stand the guy, but on the other hand, Jude's been a nervous wreck from what I've seen, waiting for him. I was hanging out in the back with Kwest at the sound board. He looked up and saw Jude, "Okay, it's the girl of the hour!" He started spinning 24. "Everybody give it up for Jude Harrison!" She walked out in a green satin dress and my jaw dropped to the floor. She was gorgeous! Kwest leaned into me as I was watching her walk down the stairs. "Pick up your jaw man!" I shook myself and relaxed before pushing to the front of the crowd. I wanted to be one of the first people she saw when she reached the bottom step. I smiled up at her and stretched to whisper in her ear, "You look great!" She smiled at me and looked into the crowd before leaning down to me. "Thanks, but have you seen Shay?" I shouldn't have been disappointed, but I was. "No." I turned away and walked back over to Kwest.

I was standing in the back, watching her wow the crowd when her three tiered cake is rolled out. I watched her face as a Gibson guitar popped out of it. She's going to cherish that for years! Jamie handed her a cell phone and I watched Jude's face brighten. It must be Shay. I saw her turn her head to the side and followed her gaze, sure enough, he's standing there in the shadows. She rushed over to his side and he ushered her into a side room. I was turning away when I saw Eden walk forward. What's she doing here? She's supposed to be on tour with Shay? It hit me and I knew there was going to be trouble once Jude found out. I knew it was going to break her heart and already I could feel myself gearing up for a fight with him.

I took a calming breath that was ruined as soon as I saw the ex couple reappear. I heard Kwest in the back of my mind, "Okay, here comes the birthday girl and Shay, they are going to give us a live hit for their duet." I could tell that Jude had no intention of singing anything, she was rushing through the crowd, trying to get away from Shay, and she crashed into a waitress. I saw red as soon as Shay grabbed her around the waist. Jude was yelling and the camera's were flashing and catching it all on tape. I quickly flipped a record and put it on to spin before walking to the studio where Jude managed to get to. I pushed past Eden who had grabbed a champagne flute and was smiling into the cameras.

As soon as I got to the studio, I saw Jude making her escape out the back, Shay staring after her. I calmed my self down, realizing I couldn't hurt Shay or I'd make things worse for everyone. I really wanted to, but there were just too many cameras and too much emotion going around right now. I leaned against the door and shoved my hands in my pockets so I wouldn't reach out and punch him after all. He turned to me and smirked, "Here we go. Saint Tommy." I ignored his remark; after all, I know I'm no saint. "I'm impressed how the way you manage to humiliate her in front of the press, her friends and her family. That was …" I smacked my lips with my fingers. He stomped in front of my and grabbed my suit jacket, pulling me in close. "It wasn't like that, alright? You never wanted us together from the beginning right?" Yeah, so true, but I didn't want her heart broken like this either. I looked down at him, his hands crushing my suit and checked the urge welling up inside of me. I reached down and removed his hands from my jacket, "You uh don't want to be in my face right now." Shay being Shay, dumb most of the time couldn't let it go. "So move me." I leaned into him and whispered in his ear "You're not worth the sweat" I gave him a little nudge and walked past him to where Jude ran off to.

I took a deep breath before opening the door to the roof top. I saw Jude leaning against the railing, letting the rain fall on her, mixing with the tears coursing down her face I slipped off my jacket as I walked toward her, trying to figure out how to stop her tears, how to mend her heart. She was killing me and didn't even know it; I'd walk through fire right now just to see her smile. I sighed and loosened my neck tie, hoping to get some more air past my clogged throat. She looked over at me, her mascara had ran and turned her eyes into dark circles, she still looked gorgeous to me. "Go ahead, say you told me so." That was the last thing on my mind; her already sexy dress was plastered to her body from all the rain. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders before putting my elbows on the rail and leaning down next to her. "For what it's worth, Shay's a kid and an idiot. And he made the wrong choice." He sure as hell made the wrong choice for dumping Jude for some plastic Barbie doll like Eden, I hope he rots in hell!

Jude sniffled and wiped away some of her tears, "It's not worth much coming from you." I was confused, what did I do to make her doubt me? I backed away, looking into her face, "What's that supposed to mean?" She threw her hands up in the air and turned to me, "I'm so tired of falling for guys that don't fall back, it hurts!" She didn't know, how could she know that I have already fallen for her? I couldn't let her go on thinking that she wasn't unloved. "Jude, I…" I started to tell her but she cut me off. "You all say the nicest things. You're so great, you're so nice, but none of you want to date me. So you want to help me Tommy? Tell me what I do wrong. Tell me why I'm so easy to give up and then maybe I can fix it. "I don't know how she got the impression that she was easy to give up, whoa, back up a moment, I'm going to kill Shay! If she were my girl, I'd cherish the ground she walked on. I choked out through the storm of emotions inside of me, "You are asking the wrong guy." I couldn't help it; my girls needed me and I just thought, screw it, just one kiss. I needed this so bad, I needed her in my arms, how could you not comfort the woman you loved? I reached over and pulled her into a kiss, I closed my eyes as her lips met mine, savoring the feel of heaven.

I probably would have kissed her again, but a couple opened the door and returned reality to my scrambled brain. I backed away from Jude and looked down at her, "You should go Jude." I didn't want her to and the look in her eyes was tearing me apart, but I couldn't let this get to the press. Reality had intruded and it was an ugly reality. I waited for a few minutes after she left, regaining control of my emotions. I knew I had just opened a door to a future that was two years before it's time. I had just about gotten myself under control when the rooftop door opened again, this time, Georgia stepped out. "I saw Jude running back inside; she's washing up with EJ's help. I nodded at her, still trying to work past the lump in my throat. "We're getting everyone out of here, now that the party is over, just thought you should know." I looked at her, saw the sympathy on her face. I guess I wasn't as good as an actor as I thought if Georgia and Kwest knew I had fallen for Jude. She cleared her throat and wiped the sympathetic look off her face. "Look, I know you care deeply for her Tom, but she's sixteen. You need to clear up whatever happened between you tonight and leave it in the past, do you hear me? Not all those tears on her face were from Shay. I can't, no we can't afford anymore bad publicity, and trust me, it's going to be a storm with what they got tonight." I looked at her, nodded even though I wanted to shake her to pieces. "I'm sorry Tommy, but it has to be done." She turned and walked away, leaving me with even more to think about. Know I definitely have to break her already wounded heart, great!

I got my head together and went to find Jude. I found her in the studio, her arm on her head, still wearing my jacket. "Party's pretty much over. People are clearing out." I took a deep breath, hating myself for what I was about to say, "Look, about before in the alley. I really don't know what to say." My heart was breaking into little pieces, I could already feel her slipping away, she hasn't looked at me once since I stepped into the room. I caught my breath at the misery I saw in her eyes as she lifted them to mine. "C'mon Tommy, I think we both know what you want to say. It was a mistake, right? Just a pity kiss? You don't feel the same way I do because I'm just a kid. Just say it. Lie to me." Georgia flashed into my mind and I felt like the scum of the earth, "Either I have to quit working with you or I can stay, but we have to agree that that kiss never happened."

I almost broke down as Jude started crying, her tears running like a river, "No!" I walked over to her and pulled her up out of the chair she was in and into my arms. "Jude. Say it Jude!" I needed to hear the words from her, or else I wouldn't be able to go on, I'd end up breaking down and showing her just how deep she had worked herself into my heart. I took a breath as the words left her mouth, "Okay, Okay! It never happened!" It wasn't easy hearing them, but it was the only way. I let go of her, trying to back away for fear I'd just bring her closer into my body, and wrap my arms around her. She looked at me, searching my face and stormed off. I let her go and collapsed into a chair, my whole body shaking. I pushed back the tears that were waiting behind my eyes. I'd have time later to breakdown, but not now, not here in public. I pulled myself together enough so that I could do my job, make sure that everyone left and nothing needed my attention. As soon as I was free, I was heading home.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

I couldn't sleep when I got home, how I'd love to succumb to the nothingness of sleep, but it eluded it. Instead, I found myself staring out the window, watching the rain fall. I picked up my guitar and let the words pour out of me, trying to clean my soul of the guilt at the pain I caused Jude.

_I close the door  
Like so many times, so many times before  
Filmed like a scene on the cutting room floor  
I wanna let you walk away tonight without a word__I'm inconsolable_

I try to sleep, yeah  
But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me  
A thousand more regrets unraveling  
OOoh, if you were here right now,  
I swear I'd tell you this

Baby I don't wanna waste another day  
Keepin it inside, it's killing me  
Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you (to you)  
I wish that I could find the words to say  
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave  
I'm inconsolable

I climb the walls, yeah  
I can see the edge,  
But I can't take the fall, no  
I've memorized the number  
So why can't I make the call  
Maybe cause I know you'll always be with me  
In the possibility

Baby I don't wanna waste another day  
Keepin it inside, it's killing me  
Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you (to you)  
I wish that I could find the words to say  
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave

No, no, no

I don't wanna be like this  
I just wanna let you know  
That everything I hold in  
Is everything I can't let go (oooh, can't let go)

Cause Baby

Baby I don't wanna waste another day  
Keepin it inside, it's killing me  
Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you (to you)  
I wish that I could find the words to say  
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave  
I'm inconsolable

Don't you know it baby  
I don't wanna waste another day  
I wish that I could find the words to say  
Baby I would tell you, every time you leave  
I'm inconsolable

Yeah, yeah, yeah  
Oooh, I'm inconsolable  
Whoaa yeah  
I'm inconsolable

I put my guitar down and held my head in my hands. No matter what I said or did, the misery in Jude's eyes was going to haunt me forever. I wish could tell her how much she means to me, but it's not the right time, what would we do? Go sneaking behind everyone's backs, lying to our best friends? As much as the thought of holding Jude in my arms appealed to me, I couldn't turn her into some dirty secret, I loved her too much to force her into that. I either had to wait two more years or come up with something else. I lifted my head up and stared out of the window at the rain. The memory of our kiss replayed in my mind and I brushed my finger across my lips, she was so sweet._  
_


	10. Won't Get Fooled Again

A/N: No, I don't own Instant Star, if I did I wouldn't let this season be the last, but I guess the actors do have to live their own lives. sigh Well, you can all thank my professor for pushing back our next exam, giving me time to work on this latest chapter. I'll work on the next as fast as I can, but no promises. Thanks again for the support and I hope you like the new chapter.

All weekend, Jude has been ignoring my calls, sending them straight to voice mail. And has she returned any of the messages I've left, no! It's Tuesday and it still hasn't changed. She's been out of the studio, hiding at home, not that I blame her. But I'm worried about her. I came up to the rooftop to get my head on straight, but it was a bad idea. All I can think about is Jude, the memories of her in my arms, her lips pressed against mine, keep replaying in my head. It was so real, I could smell her vanilla perfume, feel the satin of her dress. The sound of the door slamming jerked me from my memories. I turned and watched Kwest walk up to me, he was staring intently at my face. I know what he was seeing, I saw it myself when I looked into the mirror this morning, the blood shot eyes, the scruffy beard, the tired, drawn lines of my face. I haven't had a decent night's sleep since Thursday night and my body was showing it.

He stepped up beside me and leaned on the railing, "Hey man, Georgia's been looking for you." I nodded, not really in the mood to make any conversation, I had nothing to say, my heart is broken. Okay, maybe I'm being melodramatic, but this whole thing with Jude is killing me! I wish I could tell her how I feel, but where would that leave us? Just in an even bigger mess. Kwest turned to me and actually grabbed my shoulder, shaking me. "Tommy! You need to pull yourself together! This meltdown can't happen, not now, not here. Georgia's looking for you 'cause she called Jude in. Get yourself together so she doesn't freak when she sees you, she's under enough stress right now, dealing with Shay's betrayal." I didn't look at him, just looked at the hand gripping my shoulder and stepped back, forcing him to either follow or release me. He released me. I looked him in the eyes and he gasped, I guess he saw the pain that was tearing me up inside reflecting in my eyes.

"Shit man! You're really screwed up and I don't know how to help you. She's sixteen Tommy!" I turned on him, finally letting emotion through, although I'd feel guilty later at getting mad at him, he was only trying to help after all. "Don't you think I know that Kwest! It's messing with my head, I love her and I can't be with her! Hell! I can't even tell her what I feel! I have to hurt her to get her to back off and it ends up hurting me worse, seeing the pain that I, not Shay, not anyone else, but ME, put her through! You don't think I know what I can or can't do Kwest? I know perfectly well what would happen if I crossed that line with her, and I'm not about to ruin either of our lives by doing that. I'm not that type of guy!" Kwest grabbed me into a hug, forcing me to calm down. He released me and looked at me, trying to find the right words to say. "I know this hurts like hell, and I'm here for you, I really am. But Jude is coming over and she won't be able to handle seeing you like this, so we need to get you cleaned up." He pulled me towards the door. "I've got my shave kit with me; Sadie and I are going out tonight." I let him pull me into the bathroom.

I took out his razor and shaving cream, not looking at him. "Has Sadie said anything about how Jude is doing? She's not returning any of my calls and I'm worried about her." He looked at me and motioned for me to start shaving my beard. "Sadie said she's been hiding in her room most of the time, writing music. I know she didn't go to school yesterday or today. Other than that, not much, but she'll be here any minute and you'll see for yourself." I nodded, trying not to cut myself with the razor. Kwest leaned against the wall and watched me work. "So, are you going to tell me about what happened that night? About why you're beating yourself up so badly?" I washed off my face and looked into the mirror, other than the eyes and a few lines; I was starting to look like my usual self. "Nope, and I don't know if I'll be able to talk about it any time soon. Let's just say that I screwed up, got caught by Georgia and had to fix it in a way that I would never have chosen." I handed him back his shaving kit before walking out.

If I was going to work with Jude today, I needed to fortify myself with lots of coffee. I reached the reception area and ignored Georgia's open door. I didn't have anything to say to her today, in fact, I've been ignoring her all day. I poured myself a cup of coffee and headed into the sound booth the start the equipment up. I gulped my coffee as fast as I could without burning my mouth and by the time I had everything ready I needed more coffee. I grabbed my mug and headed out to the reception area. I barely cleared the door before I stopped in my tracks, Jude was talking with Georgia. She looked at me and then back to Jude "Good, then you and Tom can get to work on it right away. We're on a nice little wave here guys, so let's see how far we can ride it."

Nice little wave, my ass. She won't even look at me, let alone talk to me. Jude brushed past me into the recording booth, pulling out her guitar. I followed, coffee forgotten. "Do you have something ready or do you need some help?" She looked down at her guitar, tuning it. "No, I haven't been able to come up with anything that remotely conveys the hurt and pain I'm feeling because of a certain someone." Ouch! I winced and sat down on the piano bench. "Jude, I'm sorry, I…" She cut me off, her eyes shooting daggers at mine. "Cut it Quincy! I don't want your apologies, I just want to write this song and get out of here." I nodded my throat closing up as her anger washed over my already raw emotions. I turned to the piano and started playing some notes, trying to work out a song in my head.

We sat in silence, Jude strumming her guitar, occasionally jotting down some stuff in her journal, when I finally hit on a great idea. I played it and looked over at her. "Are you feeling that?" She didn't even look up at me, "Yeah, its okay." I shook my head, I know she has every right to be angry with me, I just hope she would forgive me soon. Preferably before I drove myself crazy and Kwest had to pick out the bloody casket. "Okay? When this song hits, Shay's going to wish he had a last name to change. Let's get to the lyrics." I wanted to get this over with so I could go back to my self-pity routine. Selfish, I know, but what else am I to do? Jude stopped strumming her guitar and stared at me, anger lighting her eyes. "Are you seriously going to sit there right now and pretend that this in only about Shay?" I ran a hand through my hair; I couldn't deal with this right now. "Jude, don't start."

She started putting her guitar back in the case. "I didn't Tommy, you did. Remember you kissed me?" I quickly looked to the sound booth, hoping Kwest wasn't in there. The coast was clear, so far no one knew that we had kissed, Georgia just thought that I said something stupid to her. I turned back to Jude "You want to keep your voice down, that's not what we talked about." She zipped up her guitar case and stood up, "Yeah, I know it didn't happen and it didn't mean anything Tommy. But it did. And it does." I swallowed back my emotions, when I really wanted to just grab her and kiss her until she shut up. But I couldn't. I forced the words out of my throat, hating that I knew I was still hurting her, "That wasn't the deal." She looked at me, throwing her hand out between us, "Well, neither was this. I don't even want to be around you right now. I'll write the song myself." She turned and strode to the door. I called out after her, "What am I supposed to tell Georgia?" She looked back over her shoulder "I don't know, you'd better think of something fast, huh?" and walked out the door.

I sat back down at the piano, playing the notes that were running around in my head. I didn't have to think of anything to tell Georgia, she came in and sat down on the bar stool Jude had just recently vacated. "Jude has a photo shoot in a while; she mentioned that you guys worked out what you wanted to do with the song. She said I should talk to you if I had any further questions. Should I have any questions Tommy?" I looked over at her, she really cared, but right now she was on my shit list. "Nope, none what so ever Georgia. The song is going to kick Shay where it hurts the most, trust me, I know." Yeah, I'll feel the pain just as much as Shay will. Georgia nodded and left me alone with the piano.

Jude wasn't going to be here until later, hopefully, and I wasn't slated to work with anyone else today, so I had plenty of thinking time on my hands. As my fingers flew over the keys, I thought of everything I wanted to say to her, everything that was in my heart. I mentally wrote a letter to her, telling her everything. As soon as I signed it, I took a lighter to it and watched the flames in my mind. It helped, a little. I realized that even if Jude was angry with me, even if I deserved it, I still had a job to do. As her producer, as her friend, I couldn't let her get away without practicing for Sunday's open mike. I stood up to hunt Georgia down; I needed to know when Jude's photo shoot would be done so that I could properly plan my ambush.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

I was waiting outside Jude's house, leaning against my Viper. Kwest had called me letting me know the shoot was over; he was taking Sadie out to dinner tonight. I finally saw Jude walking up, her backpack slung over her shoulder. The grimace on her face as soon as she saw me didn't raise my hopes any. I motioned to the car, "Get in." She stopped in front of me and glared at me, "Uh, what part of I hate you right now are you not getting?" I took off my shades and glared right back at her; she started backing away toward the front door of her house. "You want to write the song alone, then fine, but under the mike is Sunday and we've got to rehearse. You need me for that." She shook her head and smirked, "Right. You wish Quincy." I had enough already, yes I am in the wrong, but I can't let her humiliate herself on Sunday by not being prepared. "I'm sorry, okay." It didn't come out the way I wanted, more like a petulant child throwing out a forced apology. She stopped backing away and glared at me again, "Okay, now try meaning it."

I ran a hand through my hair, I thought quickly on what to say, knowing there was so much that I couldn't say. "Look, this is hard for me too. But we've been working on this album for months and we are so close. Don't let one stupid mistake that I …" I broke off at her sigh. "I didn't mean it like that. Just come back." I was so close to getting down on my knees and begging her, if I could find out how to make this right, I would fix it in a heartbeat. Her shoulders sagged and she shook her head, my heart breaking even more when I heard her next words, "I had a great day today Tommy, a really great day, where people didn't hurt me every time they opened their mouths." She was right, I had no right to be here right now, eventually we'd practice, but she needed space. I slipped my shades back on and slid into the car. I backed out and was about to hit the gas when Jude ran up to me, "I changed my mind. Take me with you." I looked at the panic on her face, wondering what had happened, "Jude okay." She looked towards the door and yelled "Go!" I punched my foot down on the gas and we took off, the tires squealing. We headed to the studio and I tried to find a way to get her to talk about what happened. She just sat and stared out her side of the car, not speaking. As soon as I parked the car, she grabbed her stuff and practically ran into the studio.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

We've been in the studio for hours already, and we weren't getting anywhere. Georgia came in to check on Jude's progress. I turned my back on Jude and the recording booth, "She can't nail it, she's too distracted." She still wouldn't tell me what had caused her panic and mad dash to the car earlier. Georgia looked at me as if I was crazy "She's just had her heart handed to her on a stick Tommy. Give the kid a break. Shay really messed her up." She walked out and left me alone in the sound booth. Yeah, it was more than Shay that was distracting her though. I figured if she wouldn't tell me, I'd call Kwest and have him dig it out of Sadie.

I turned around and saw Georgia walk into the recording booth. Jude looked up as she came in. "Men, can't live with them, can't stuff them into your trunk. Go home Jude, get some rest for Sunday."Jude looked panicked at the thought of going home; I was definitely calling Kwest tonight. If I knew he wouldn't kill me for interrupting his date, I'd call him right now. "No, let me do this. I'll nail it." I winced at the panic in her voice. Georgia sat down next to her, "It's under the mike. They are going to ask you about Shay." Jude looked down before replying "What if it's not just him that I'm mad at?" I turned as Stewart walked in the door. I called over the intercom to get Jude's attention and to stop their conversation before anything too revealing was said. "Jude, somebody here to see you." Jude looked up and I pointed to her dad. I saw her face tighten and I had a nasty suspicion what had happened back at the house. I was still going to call Kwest tonight; Sadie has to know something I don't.

I waited for Jude to come back from talking with her dad. They were taking so long, I started cleaning up the area for the night. I ran into Georgia as I was washing out my coffee mug, "Jude's done for the week, she'll be ready for Sunday, she just needs some rest." I looked at her and just shook my head. "I'm going to head on home then, I'll see you later." I put my mug back in the cabinet and grabbed my gear before walking out.

I decided to take a drive, knowing that if I went home, I'd just stare out the window. I cranked up the radio and waited for the minutes tick by. I'd give Kwest another hour before calling him. I don't know why, but I ended up at the lake. I shut off the engine and walked over to the bench. I sat down and looked up at the sky, I could make out a few constellations, not many though because of the city lights behind me. I looked at my cell phone and flipped it open. I couldn't wait any longer. Kwest picked up on the third ring, "Tommy, what's up?" I heard music in the background, realized I was probably interrupting his date, even though it was just past midnight. "Sorry to interrupt, but I need a favor." I heard him lower the volume of the music, "No problem, anything you need." I sighed, "I hope you still think that after I ask you. I need you to talk to Sadie and find out what happened with Jude today. She just got home from the photo shoot and was going to ditch me, but then came running out of the house in a panic. She won't talk about it and I have a nasty feeling she finally found out about her Dad's affair. I just want it confirmed before I try talking to her about it, if it wasn't that, then I'd end up opening up a whole other can of worms, so to speak." I heard Kwest talking to Sadie, he came back on the line a moment later, "Yeah, Sadie hasn't seen Jude since she left after the shoot, but she'll talk to her and let me know tomorrow." I sighed; it was the best I'd get. "Thanks Kwest, go back to your date, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I hung up with him and thought about how I'd bring up the subject with Jude. It's not every day that you have to walk over egg shells to talk to your girl, not that I could call her my girl, she hates my guts right now. Maybe I shouldn't be the one to talk to her; maybe it'd be better if Sadie talked to her? I thought about it for a while before heading home.

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Wednesday afternoon I was refilling my coffee mug, going over the situation in my head. Kwest talked to Sadie today and gave me the bad news, Jude walked in on Stewart and Yvette making out on her living room couch. I wanted to rip out his heart, how could he do that to Jude? He has a beautiful family that he just tossed away like yesterday's garbage. Sadie said she didn't know what was going to happen when Vicki comes home, but that they'd probably not say anything. That's going to be hell on Jude, keeping that secret from her mom. I've already tried Jude's cell phone, but once again, she's ignoring me.

Kwest came over and grabbed a bottle of water. "Do you want to hang out tonight?" I thought about it, I wasn't really very good company right now though, and he would probably rather hang out with Sadie. I knew he was concerned with me, but I just needed time to get myself together again. "No man, but thanks for the offer." I looked back towards the now empty studio one, the Salads had just left and we didn't have anyone else slated for the day. I turned back to Kwest and sipped my coffee. "I'll probably put in another hour and the jet for the day." "Okay, just call me if you need to talk or change your mind about having company."

I watched him walk away and took another sip of my coffee. What I really needed was a break from this place. I thought over what I had slated for the rest of the week, Jude wasn't coming back to the studio until Monday, Georgia's orders. The Salads were done until next week as well; I was basically done except for some mixing and any back fill I needed to do. I saw Georgia come through the front door and walked over to her. "Georgia, hey." She looked up from the tabloid she was flipping through. I saw the article on Jude, with a big picture of Eden smiling into the camera. "Look, I need some time off; I'll be back in time for Sunday's performance." She put her arm around my waist and led me to her office. "Let's talk about this in my office."

I sat down and waited for her to start the conversation. She flipped through the tabloid once more before dumping it into the waste basket. "I know things have been hard for everyone around here. Do you think a few days away will help you get yourself straight?" I nodded, waiting for her to go on. "You worked everything out with Jude, right? You let her know that you're just her producer, nothing more?"

I nodded again, not really wanting to talk about this. She looked at me for a moment, before nodding her head. "You can have a few days off, but you will be at the performance Sunday night and you will be back in the studio on Monday ready to work. Get your head on straight; I'm sick of this Tommy." She waved her hand at me, "I want my normal Tommy back in action. I'll see you here at two o'clock Sunday." I got up and thanked her before leaving.

I pulled out my cell phone and called my buddy in Montreal. "Chase, hey, do you have time for some company this week?" I knew I could always count on Chase for anything, we were tight. "Yeah, I've got some stuff going on, but you're more than welcome to the house, I'll take a few half days and we can just chill." I sighed, I had a place to run off to for few days, a place where I wouldn't be reminded of everything everywhere I went. "Thanks man, I'll drive up tomorrow." I hung up with him and searched for Kwest. I wasn't going to mix that last track tonight.

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Sunday night I watched Jude charm the emcee. "We've heard you've had a crazy time lately but what has been the craziest thing and did Shay make the list?" she smiled at him before looking into the camera, "Yeah, he was up there briefly, but like his music, he lacks staying power."That's my girl! "Now, let's get to the music, give it up for Jude Harrison and her new single, 'Your Eyes'." I watched as she took the stage, she looked amazing in her new jacket. She shifted her guitar around and sat down on the bar stool. "Actually I'm not going to be doing that song, 'cause I have a new one." I turned to Georgia, from her expression; it was news to her too. "I'm pulling her out, we never approved that." Georgia patted my arm, "Just wait, let's see what she's got." I looked back at Jude, hoping she'd pull this off. With everything going on, I just hope she didn't lose it on stage.

_I drift away to a place  
Another kind of life  
Take away the pain  
I create my paradise_

Everything I've held  
Has hit the wall  
What used to be yours  
Isn't yours at all

I'm watching her, my throat closing up with the emotion in her voice and on her face. I can tell she's angry and tears are threatening to fall.I couldn't look her into her face anymore and had to drop my gaze to the floor, letting the lyrics wash over me._  
_

_  
Falling apart, and all that I'm asking  
Is it a crime, am I overreacting_

Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie

I looked up and followed her gaze as she turned her head towards the side, I saw her parents standing there, her mom's concern on her face. Her words were digging deep into my soul, bringing up all of the guilt I felt over causing her so much hurt. Even though I knew this song wasn't just about me, I still felt like she was singing it just for me, aiming it at me, saying 'see how you broke my heart, Tommy?'

_  
So what you had didn't fit  
Among the pretty things  
Never fear, never fear  
I now know where you've been_

_Braids have been un-tied  
As ribbons fall away  
Leave the consequence  
But my tears you'll taste_

_Falling apart and all that I question  
Is this a dream or is this my lesson_

_Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie_

_I don't believe I'll be alright  
I don't believe I'll be OK  
I don't believe how you've thrown me away  
I do believe you didn't try  
I do blame you for every lie  
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine_

_Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie_

_Oh my permission to sin  
You might have started my reckoning  
I've got a reason now to bury him alive  
Another little white lie_

She finished and I saw the tears in her eyes as she turned her face to her dad. Yeah, if I could get away with it, Stewart would be feeling all the pain that he caused Jude. I followed Jude back to the dressing room. I don't know exactly what I wanted to say, but I had to express my feelings somehow, I had to show her that I was with her one hundred percent, that she could rely on me. I caught up with her just as she was entering her dressing room. "That was an incredible song Jude, not exactly how I meant to inspire you." She looked at me, clearly tired. "What do you want Tommy?" I tried to put what I wanted to say into words, but I messed it up. "To apologize, for real this time, but hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted to do." She glared at me, putting her hand on the door. "A lot of people have been saying that lately, get over yourself, not everything is about you." I stood there and watched as she closed the door in my face. Yeah, that's not how I wanted it to go down, but maybe if I gave her some time, we could talk later. I found Georgia and told her that I was taking off for the night.


	11. Lose This Skin

A/N: Thank goodness it's Friday! So, I don't own Instant Star or anything relating to it, just trying to keep the magic of a great show alive. You guys are probably wondering what's going to be happening to this fic, well, I'm going to follow through to the end of Season 4 and beyond, twisting it around as I see fit, but keep your eyes peeled, I'll be posting an AU spin off here soon. Hope you all enjoy this latest chapter, and please don't be mad at Jude; she's had a rough time of it and doesn't know what Tommy's going through just yet.

Monday morning I was pouring my second cup of coffee for the day, the venti Starbucks I grabbed on the way to work was finished before I even hit the doors of G Major. I saw Georgia coming towards me out of the corner of my eye. I wondered what she wanted this early. "Tommy, we need to talk." Okay, I didn't do anything wrong, I wonder what she wants. I took a sip of my coffee to give myself time to run down the possible lists of subjects that she might have in mind, Me, Jude, me and Jude…I came up blank after that short list. The few days in Montreal had done wonders and I was back to normal, or as normal as I can get when I am constantly worried about Jude. She reached beside me and grabbed a bottle of water. "We need to find a backup band for Jude, her album's almost finished."

I looked at her, saw the excitement on her face. "Do you have any lined up yet?" She shook her head, "No, but EJ is getting them as we speak. Jude killed last night and we've got to get this rolling while the public is hot for her. I'm thinking that once we have a band, we'll set up a live performance somewhere, what do you think?" I didn't want to burst her bubble too bad, but picking a band wasn't like going out and buying a slurpee, it took time, patience, and lots of thought. "We'll start on it as soon as EJ gets the first contestants in, but it might take time." She hugged me, "I knew I could count on you!" Before I could reply, she rushed off to find EJ. Maybe I sugar coated it too much, but I definitely knew that it would take time, lots of time for Jude to find her band. If I was a praying man, I'd pray that the right band would be dropped in my lap.

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I was finally mixing the song that I put off last Wednesday. EJ popped her head in, her grin letting me know she found somebody. "I have got the perfect drummer for Jude; he's coming in tomorrow morning. I can't wait to see them play together; she's going to love him!" I shook my head; EJ did not know Jude like I did and I can bet that she didn't pick out anyone that Jude would like. "Sure, what time is she coming in tomorrow?" EJ popped her head back in the door, "Eight sharp." I sighed, another early morning. I didn't get much sleep last night and probably wouldn't get much tonight as well. I'm giving Jude space, I'm waiting for her to come talk to me about everything that's going on with her Dad and Shay, but maybe I'm the last person she wants to talk to.

Kwest came in bearing lunch, Chinese takeout. "Hey, that's sounding good man; guess you don't need my expert fingers on the controls, huh?" I took the bag from him and slid out of his way, giving him access to the sound board. "Of course I need your help, I can't get the bass right, and I think the tempo needs working on." I dug into the bag and pulled out Sweet and Sour Chicken, yum. "Thanks for lunch, and since you're in a giving mood, give me info on Jude." Kwest scowled at me, "Hey, what am I, your Jude pimp?" I swallowed the food in my mouth before answering, "Yeah, unless she decides to actually talk to me, until then I just have to use you for info." I smiled at his expression, yeah, what friends do for you when you're in need. Kwest adjusted the bass on the song and was working on the tempo, it sounded a whole lot better with him behind the controls; he really did have magic fingers. "Sadie's upset because Jude forced their dad to tell their mom what was going on. Of course, the woman kicked him out and Sadie's having a hard time accepting it. Jude isn't saying much other than to defend her mom's side. I feel for all of them, especially Sadie and Jude. Stewart was hiding behind them, and they were cracking under the pressure of lying to Vicki. That's one messed up trio of ladies right now." I shook my head, I could hurt Stewart, but I calmed down before I got too wound up. My getting upset wasn't going to solve anything.

"Thanks man, I really appreciate the news, I just worry some times that she's locking everything inside, not letting any of her emotions out." I held up my hand as Kwest opened his mouth to object. "I know, stupid thing to say after that performance last night, but sometimes I think she lets it get bottled up so much before she lets it all out." Kwest spun his chair to face me, "This from the guy who does the same thing? Sometimes I wonder if we'll have a Tommy explosion around here. You barely talk about your family, I know they've been having problems, you disappeared for a couple of days last week, you've been so weird lately, like you're on a rollercoaster, you're up, then you're down and I can never tell which way you'll be until I see you in the morning." I hung my head, knowing he was right. "Kwest, man, I'm sorry I've been acting like this. I'm trying to get it under control; I think I'm doing okay for right now." Kwest turned back to the sound board, and increased the tempo, "It's okay man, I see what you're going through and I just want to help, but you're a private person and pulling secrets out of you is like pulling teeth, very painful and difficult." I sighed, "Yeah." I got up to throw out the rest of my lunch, I wasn't hungry anymore. Before I left, I turned back to him. "Thanks for everything Kwest, for being their when I needed you." I left before things got even mushier, guys just don't get mushy like girls do, it's not manly.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

I was already in the sound booth warming up the equipment when Kwest showed up. "Morning, you look like hell today. I thought you were doing better?" I shrugged. "I was working on a song that's been running around my head. It's there, but it just doesn't want to come out." Kwest looked towards the recording booth, "Here comes Jude." I flipped the intercom switch as Jude walked in, "Morning, you've got a few more bands coming in this morning but we don't want you to feel rushed." She nodded, picked up her guitar and turned her back to me. "Man, that was cold; she didn't even look you in the eyes." I shrugged again, "That's how it's been for the past two weeks. I can't get her to forgive me or at least thaw out any towards me." Kwest looked at me thoughtfully, "I have an idea, but I'm not telling you because you'd kill me for it." I shook my head, "If I'm going to kill you for it, I'd rather you didn't do whatever you're thinking of doing."

I leaned back in my chair and watched the drummer try to get Jude to laugh. He was definitely a character and I could tell Jude wasn't feeling him. I looked down at my empty coffee mug, "Kwest, I'm heading out to the lobby, you want anything?" He didn't take his eyes off of the car crash waiting to happen, "Just a bottle of water, thanks." I walked out the door and saw Jamie sitting on the couch. "What's up? Jude just got here and she won't be free for while yet." He looked up at me; I could see he was nervous about something. "I'm fine waiting, I'm cool." I filled my coffee mug and came back over to him, "You wanna talk about it?" He shook his head, "No, it's between Jude and me." "Okay." I walked back into the sound booth in time to see the drummer get the cut by Jude. I smiled to myself; I knew EJ wouldn't have picked out anyone good enough for Jude.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

It was lunch time before we took a break. Jude had gone through all the bands that EJ had lined up and rejected each one. She definitely had some good reasons, but Georgia was going to be breathing down my neck by tomorrow. I watched as Jamie stood up and started talking to Jude. Kwest stepped up beside me. "Are you done for the day? We don't have anything else lined up." I shook my head, "Yeah, once EJ gets some more prospects, it's going to get crazy." I grabbed my jacket from the sound booth and took off, wondering what Jamie was worried about.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

The next day I was pouring myself yet another cup of coffee when Jude came up to me. I looked at her, not wanting the scare her off; I'd take whatever she threw my way, just as long as she started to thaw out towards me. "Look, Jamie has this band that he thinks will be perfect, but they need some help. I know I don't have the right to ask, but could you help them out? Please?" I looked into her pleading eyes, my heart melting. "Yeah, send Jamie my way and I'll talk to him." She nodded and walked away. Well, not exactly what I wanted, but it was a start, she didn't just grunt or nod at me, she actually talked to me today.

I went to the back to check my email, needing a break from the million bands running around in here. Jude really needed to pick one but I wasn't going to rush her into anything. I had just sat down at the computer when Jamie knocked on the door frame. "Hey, Jude said you're willing to hear me out." I stood up and took the cd he was holding out to me. "Mark my words, this band will be huge." I looked down at it. "The Spiderman Mind Explosion?" Jamie shook his head at me, "It's Spiederman. Look, I haven't been managing them that long, but they kick some serious rock and roll ass. I wouldn't manage them if they didn't." I couldn't help it, I laughed. "'Cause you've got so many offers." I couldn't resist pulling his chain; I knew I was going to let him have the studio space because Jude asked, but I wanted to have a little fun first. I moved to leave and he blocked the door. "Listen, I know you and I haven't exactly hit it off, but I'd really love it if you gave them a shot because I've come to respect you, as a songwriter, as a producer, as a man." I looked at his puppy dog face and laughed inside, this guy was hilarious! "Okay, you're gonna have to stop because I'm about to hurl." I brushed past him and walked out the door, stopping and turning around after a few steps. I've had my fun, "But I have noticed how you've been looking out for Jude lately, so I've got a small studio back there and it's free for a couple of weeks, it's yours if you want to use it." I held up the keys for him and he took them before walking off. I could almost hear the 'yeah' he was giving himself in his head.

I headed back to the sound booth, relieving Kwest for a spell. I could tell he was starting to get a head ache. I looked at the band that Jude was currently playing with. They were okay, but they just didn't click. If I could tell, the fans would definitely be able to tell as well. Jude made a face at me and I called over the intercom, "Okay, cut it, we'll call you if we need you back later." I poked my head out the door and called in the next band. I looked over at Jude and saw her frustration. I tripped the intercom, "Jude, relax! It's going to take time, it's like finding a pair of shoes that fit just right, you have to weed out all the tight pairs first." She smiled at me and turned to greet the next band.

Kwest came back in from his break and I left the hunt in his capable hands. I stepped out into the reception area and ran into Georgia. "Has she found one yet?" I shook my head no. She looked over as Jamie and his band walked by. "Who're they? Maybe she'd like them?" I laughed, "They're SME and they need some help before they're ready to take on Jude." I left her watching Jude through the glass door and walked to studio three.

I stepped inside and saw how quickly they turned the space into their own. "Don't get too comfortable; once we fill up the other two studios, this one will be next." I walked into the back to grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge. I heard Jamie and Spiederman talking about Jude. I couldn't help but eavesdrop. "Okay what is girl speak?" I chuckled to myself, Jamie was clueless. "It's the secret language of females dude. What you think is just chit chat is more like rat a tat tat. Dude, you got yourself in a very precarious situation right now and you don't even know it." I wondered if I was going to find out what had him worried yesterday. "Precarious situation?" "You're dating Kat, the best friend of the girl you always wanted." I had to get in on this, Jamie just broke rule number two in the dating rule book. I came into the room and cracked open my water bottle. "I did that once." I took a sip of water. "Once, mmh." I shook my head at his stupidity. "We're having a conversation" I looked at him, trying to help him for once. "I'm just saying be careful. I mean you obviously have feelings for Jude." Jamie threw his hands up, "Ahh, no! The cruise ship for Jude desire has left the harbor. Sayonara baby, bye bye. I'm all about Kat now." I shook my head and walked out of the studio, yeah right. You can't just get over Jude; she crawls underneath your skin and stays there. I know I can't get rid of her.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

Thursday, I walked with Georgia out of the studio, leaving behind another rejected band. Georgia was starting to get wound up and I needed her to stay level headed. Her breathing down my neck wouldn't help matters. "Look, finding the right musicians, it takes time. We need patience Georgia." I hoped that if I reminded her of it often enough, she'd actually hear it and settle down. She stopped and turned to me, putting her hand up to her right ear. "What we need is a band Tom! Jude has a live show to air on Sunday. I'm getting a migraine and who is in Studio 3? And will they please shut up?" Yeah, so she didn't like SME much right now. I could see her point; they weren't playing anything remotely good. Jude came up behind us, her guitar in hand, "Maybe they just need a different song. A better song, a song I wrote." I watched her march off to studio 3; I called after her "Jude you're not serious." Georgia turned to me, obviously missing part of the conversation, "What?" I grabbed her arm and followed Jude.

I pushed open the door and found Jude already plugging her guitar into the amp. "Okay guys, follow me on this one, let's try it in G." They launched into a song and they were amazing! Jude just found her back up band! I felt a wave of relief that the search was over; I no longer had to watch Jude's personal space being invaded by a bunch of grungy musicians. Okay, some of them were decent, but let's just say that I never want EJ trying to pick out back up bands ever again. Georgia turned to me, her smile a mile wide, "A bona fide garage band playing with Jude, the press will eat this up!" I looked at Jude; she jumped up and down, still playing her guitar, "Yes! They're awesome, finally some guys I can play with!" I turned to Georgia as she asked me "You think you can get them ready in time?" I looked at them; I had two and a half days to whip them into shape. "I mean they're seriously rough around the edges. In fact they are all edges. But I think I can make it work." I reached over and clapped Jamie on his shoulder. "Jamie, you just got your band their first gig." Georgia left to find some Motrin and to hide in her office. I turned to the band and watched them play, trying to see where I needed to round them out before Sunday.

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Sunday afternoon I was at the mall setting up for Jude's show. It had been a grueling week and I'm actually glad I have this space of quite time. No one's here to bother me, I'm just hooking up cables, checking sound equipment and thinking about Jude. She's thawed out towards me, not enough to where we're back to normal, but enough that she's actually talking to me. I wonder if Kwest had anything to do with it, but he hasn't mentioned anything, so I don't know if he put his plan into action, the plan that I would supposedly kill him for. I looked up as Jamie rushed in, obviously looking for someone. Since Jude hasn't shown up yet, I could only guess it was Speed. I called over the mike, "Spiederman's not here man." Jamie turned to me, I could see him fraying around the edges. "I sent him to pick up guitar strings. You alright Golum? Cause I mean if you want to talk, I guess I could listen." Jamie walked up to me and I pushed the mike away. "I take that as a yes. So how's your girl situation?"

I watched him as he ran his hand through his hair, "Okay. Not bad. Total crap. I think they are actually fighting over me." I laughed inside, of course they were, he was dating Jude's best friend and she was feeling left out. "It's classic female behavior. Girls always want what they can't have. That's beside the point; you're supposed to be over Jude." I seriously hoped he was over her, but I could tell he wasn't. "I am, sort of, kind of. Uh, not even remotely. God, this can't be happening! Not now. Not when I'm supposed to be with Kat." I looked at him banging his head against my equipment. I couldn't care less if her bashed his head in, just as long as he didn't do it on my sound board. I walked around to stand in front of him. "Supposed to? You got to wanna be." This kid was stupid; you don't hook up with someone when you were in love with someone else. Okay, I stopped my train of thought. I knew where he was coming from; I couldn't be too harsh on him. Jamie looked at me, "I do, I adore Kat." I looked at him, trying to see if he meant it, I'm pretty sure he did, but how could he get over Jude so quickly? She was… I couldn't adequately describe how amazing she was right now. I put my hand on his shoulder, "Then there's your answer man!" Jamie looked down as his cell beeped. "Damn! I have to go, thanks Tommy." I watched him run off and went back to work.

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I had just diverted a major crisis when I saw another one about to happen. I was about to kick Stewart out of the area when I say Jamie rush over to him. I decided to wait and see how he'd handle the situation. After all, he's had Jude's back lately. I watched the heated argument between them and by the slump in Stewart's shoulders, I'd say Jamie won. Sure, enough, Stewart took off and Jamie headed back to Jude's dressing room. I checked everything one last time before heading to the back as well. I pushed open the door to her dressing room and froze. Jamie had Jude wrapped up in his arms, holding her while she cried. I wished that she had come to me, but I understood her need for Jamie. I cleared my throat, wishing I could give her some time, but we were on a tight schedule. "Jude, its show time." She looked at me and I saw the tears in her eyes. At least her mascara was waterproof. She looked so good in her pink tank top with her dark red hair framing her face that I didn't think anyone would notice the little signs of her crying jag. Jamie gave her one last hug and grabbed her sequined leather jacket for her. I headed back to the sound equipment; I had to present her before she could take the stage.

I put my headphones on and announced her, glad they were noise cancelling as the crowd roared. It didn't drown them all out, but helped a lot. I watched them up on stage, SME was truly a perfect fit and the crowd loved it! I concentrated on the equipment, but banged my head with the music, it was perfect. They finished the song and I watched them group hug, yeah, Jamie pulled through this time. They were going to kill on tour. I took a deep breath on that thought, yeah, I knew it was going to have to happen, but at the same time, I just wished time would freeze so I wouldn't have to deal with it just yet. I watched Jude and SME leave the stage and I started work on cleaning everything up as the crowd dispersed. Yeah, I'd just take it a day at a time and keep myself busy when she's gone.


	12. All Apologies

A/N: No, I don't own Instant Star and I didn't create it, just playing with their characters. Please be patient for the next chapter, I have three major exams next week... I know, the price of getting an education. sigh

Monday afternoon, Kwest, Jude and I were mixing her latest single. Jude had her head buried in a tabloid. "Guys listen to this, Eden cancels concert due to emotional stress. Claims Jude Harrison is stalking her. What is with Psycho Barbie, I mean she got Shay, why can't she just leave me alone?" I adjusted some sound equipment before walking over to her and Kwest, "She's desperate for attention. I mean, I'd say her fifteen minutes are almost up." I pat her on the shoulder and walk over behind Kwest. "I'm not loving that base, are you?" He looked over his shoulder at me, "No man, let me try something." I sat down next to Kwest, away from Jude. I didn't want o get hit with the tabloid when she got to the really juicy stuff. Yeah, I've read it already; the best thing to do is be prepared that way you're not hit with something out of the blue. Jude will learn in time.

I heard a knock on the door and looked up. "Tom, I told him you'd be busy." I had to blink my eyes to make sure it was true. Georgia had Chaz Blackburn standing next her. What the hell is he doing here? "You look good T. Older, but good. Do you have a second?" I got up, whatever he wanted I was not having this conversation in front of everyone. I looked around; it was busy out in the lobby so I pulled him into the recording booth, hoping that Kwest would keep anyone from listening in on us. I turned to him and let my anger show, I never wanted to see him again and he knew it. "What the hell are you doing here, showing up at my work? What is this? We've been finished with each other for years Chaz!" He spread his hands wide, "Tommy, look, I know you hate me after everything with Boyz Attack happened, but here me out."

I looked at him; he seemed desperate for me to listen. "Okay, talk." He ran his hand across his face before saying "Well I do bookings now for Music Helps. It's a televised benefit." What did that have to do with me? "I know what it is. You want Jude? Go talk to her." I motioned to the sound booth where everyone was getting a front row view of this fight. He just looked at me, "She's not the only one that I want." No way in hell was I going to be performing on live T.V. "You always wanted the chance to go solo, I'm offering you that chance. It's about time you got back behind the mike." He walked off, obviously trying to give me time to think about it. I didn't have to; it wasn't going to happen, period, end of story. I walked out of the sound booth and grabbed my coffee mug. Jude followed me out to the lobby.

"What was that all about?" I looked at her, "He wants you to perform on Music Helps." She watched me as I refilled my mug. "Music Helps? I used to watch that show." Georgia came up to us, "Well, we could always use the free publicity. I'm going to get EJ on the press release." She took off to find EJ. I looked at Jude, making sure she wanted to go through with this before EJ alerted everyone. "You want to do this?" She nodded, "Yeah, what do you think?" I took a sip of my coffee. "I think it would be great for you Jude, just watch Chaz, the guy's always got an angle." She grabbed my arm, my coffee splashed, almost burning me. I don't think she noticed. "Well, you're going to be doing it too, right?" I didn't want to go into this, but knowing her, she'd try pulling it all out of me.

"No." She turned her gorgeous eyes on me; I realized I couldn't let my guard down with her looking at me like that. "Oh come on Tommy! It's one song for charity." I sighed, "Look, I haven't performed in years, I'm not about to start now." She looked at me, peering into my face. "What are you, scared?" I looked away, yeah I was a little, but I wasn't about to admit that. "No." "Tommy, that is so adorable!" Okay, maybe I didn't need to say it out loud. Sometimes Jude saw things in me that I could hide from everyone else. "Look, producing is a full time gig. I haven't written any new material, I'd rather yodel than cover Boyz Attack." I didn't want to tell her that I practically had half an album full of songs about her, no need for her to get the right, uhm, I mean the wrong idea. She looked at me, her eyes glowing; I think she knew she was close to winning me over. "Okay, then perform one of my songs. I mean, they're just as much yours as they are mine." I tried again to resist her dragging me into this. "I don't know I…" She interrupted me, "Tommy. Think about it, you and me performing on the same bill? You know you want to." She was right, I would love to, but I don't think I'm ready to go solo yet and I wasn't willing to do a reunion with Boyz Attack. Chaz killed all the love I had for them years ago. I nodded at her and walked away, finding escape in the alley.

I took a sip of my coffee as I leaned back against the wall. Things had to be desperate if Chaz had come here to talk to me. I wondered which member of the group had fallen on hard times. I knew JP had some cute kids but last I heard they were doing okay, and Bruno was still a bachelor. That left Troy and James. I never did keep in touch with any of them, a mutual friend told me about JP and Bruno though. I sighed, I really didn't want to perform on Music Helps, but damn it! Jude and her freaking puppy dog eyes could melt the hardest slab of ice. Especially my heart, where she was concerned, I hope that she never figured that out or else I was doomed. I thought over all the songs Jude and I have worked on, trying to think of one that I could make my own to perform. My mind went back to our first song and that day on the lake. I thought about how I was standing behind her, my arms wrapped around her, my fingers over hers on the guitar. Yeah, I wanted 24 Hours.

I went back inside to find Jude. I saw Georgia grinning with EJ. I walked over to them, they were standing there looking at a laptop. "What's up ladies?" I moved around so I could see the screen. Oh no! Just shoot me now! They were looking at pictures of Boyz Attack! The grinned at me, EJ looked like the devil come to play. "You look absolutely adorable, Little Tommy Q!" I glared at her, "Gag me with a spoon you two. Don't you have anything better to do?" Georgia laughed, her eyes watering. "No, but the look on your face is priceless Tom! I wish I had a camera." I shook my head and walked to the sound booth. I saw Jude and Kwest talking and from her expression, it was about something intense. I was a few steps away from the room before she stood up and rushed out, "Bye Tommy, see you later." I waved after her and turned to Kwest. He just looked at me and shrugged. I poked my head in the door, "I'm taking the rest of the day off, I have to get a song ready for Thursday." He nodded, "See you later."

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Tuesday morning I worked with a new band for a few hours. Third Eye was easy to get along with; they actually took constructive criticism pretty well. Kwest would laugh at that though, he'd say it was more like blowing up at them than constructive anything. Sure, I yelled a bit, but they're so loud, I have to for them to hear me…okay I admit, I've having a hard time here. I was having trouble focusing and they got the brunt of it, but they held up pretty well, maybe I'd apologize tomorrow if I felt like it. I tried rewriting 24 hours, but I kept coming up against a brick wall. I turned to Kwest for help. "Tell me this; if you were given permission to perform someone's song, would you tweak it to fit you?" Kwest laughed and swung around to face me. "First of all, it's Jude's song and Jude told you to perform it. Of course she has to know that you'll make it your own, just ask her if you feel so bad about it." I shook my head, "It's just that I'd hate it if someone did that to one of my songs, you know? You pour your heart into it and someone comes around and tells you it isn't good enough." Kwest turned back to the sound booth, "Yeah, but this is different, Jude knows you, and she knows you would do this for the telethon, just rework the song and get over it." I nodded; I knew he was right; I just needed to wrap my head around it.

I decided to change the topic, I was wondering what they were talking about so closely yesterday. "So, you and Jude were intense yesterday. What was that all about?" Kwest looked over at me, "Oh nothing, just wondering about your Boyz Attack days, that's all." My bullshit meter was going off but I couldn't call him on it. Jude stormed through the door, furious. I stood up and led her into a side room. I didn't want her blowing up and possibly spilling details to Kwest. I sat down and watched her pace back and forth. She stopped in front of me, her hands on her hips. "Eden went on national T.V. and told a reporter that I agreed to a duet with her on Music Helps! A duet!" I sighed, I should have seen this coming, Eden was trouble all around. "Look, the dueling pop star thing is the oldest PR trick in the book. I'm calling Chaz, I told you that guy always has an angle. I'm pulling us both." I reached over to pick up the phone but Jude stopped me. "So she can tell the whole world that I punked out? No way! Besides, I've got a plan." She stormed out and I watched her head to Georgia's office. I guess I'd find out her plan later.

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Georgia pulled me out of the sound booth, leaving Kwest to finish mixing. "I need you in the conference room for a moment; Jude needs someone that can keep her grounded." I followed her through the door and almost gagged at the sight of Eden. Why does she always have to wear the ugliest clothes? I mean, who is she trying to fool? She can't pull off fluffy collared jackets in hot pink, I don't know who could. Thank goodness Jude doesn't dress anything like that. I took a seat next to Jude and looked at Chaz. He shrugged as if to say it wasn't his fault that Eden pulled a publicity stunt. I guess she was getting really desperate, as if the Jude stalker thing wasn't enough.

Jude was shooting daggers at Eden and I'm definitely glad I wasn't in her way; I'd have been bleeding if I was. "I want an apology." I looked back and forth at Jude and Eden. "You want what?" Jude crossed her arms, "An apology, before our duet on the telethon with everyone watching." I knew this wasn't a good idea, it could blow up in her face, but looking at her expression, I knew I was wise not to interrupt. "An apology?" Okay, is Eden stupid, does she need everything said three times before it gets through her thick skull? Jude nodded her head, "Uh huh." Miss little Barbie doll didn't like that idea at all. "Forget it! I'll just go on solo." She looked behind her at Chaz, "Right Chazy?" I glared at Chaz, daring him to side with her. "No, sorry doll. The bill's full, no Jude, no dice." I was glad that he could actually make a good decision for once.

Eden turned to Jude, her eyes flashing with anger, her fake smile not fooling anyone, "Fine, I'd be happy to, you over died sore loser!" Jude started to rise up out of her chair, "Thank you, you cradle robbing boyfriend stealer!" Georgia came up behind Jude and grabbed her in a side hug, stopping Jude from moving forward to punch Eden. "Done! Well, we'll let EJ set up the press conference. They'll eat it up!" I watched as Chaz led Eden out of the room, I almost laughed as she tripped over a chair leg. I turned to Jude and saw the smirk on her face. Georgia looked at us both, "Now that the latest crisis has been diverted, I've got loads of paperwork to go through. Play nice kids." Jude sat down beside me as Georgia walked out. "So, I've been acting like a jerk lately and I really wanted to apologize." I turned to her, what happened to silent, angry Jude? "Look, I know things have been as rough on you as they have on me and you didn't need me adding on to it by flat out ignoring you, I'm sorry." I looked at her, it dawned on me what Kwest and her were talking about yesterday. "Kwest shouldn't have told you anything." She hung her head, "Yeah, but I kind of forced him to. I was just so curious about why you weren't fighting with me on the whole silent treatment; really, I had no idea about your mom's problem." I ran a hand over my face; thank goodness that's all he told her. "It's okay Jude, I knew you were just taking your frustration and hurt out, and didn't mean all of it." She shook her head and leaned towards me, putting her hand on my arm, "No, it's not okay, but I'll find some way to make it up to you." She kissed me on the cheek and walked out, leaving me stunned.

I raised my hand to my face and touched the place where her lips kissed me. She confused me, she just did a complete one eighty on me. I really hope Kwest only talked to her about my mom. I didn't need Jude armed with any more information, or else she'd be even more dangerous than her eyes already make her. I stood up and went to studio two; I had to get working on 24 hours if I was going to be performing it Thursday live.

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I finally got the song worked around for me, it felt so right. I knew it was going to be great. I had my feet up on the sound board, my guitar in my lap.

_I'm sick of wishing you were near  
You've gone your way, you've made it clear  
Why do I feel you everywhere?  
Why do I feel this everywhere?_

I can't have anything I want  
They say I'm just too young  
But it's not my fault  
I'll find my own way home if I gotta  
I'll make it all alone if I gotta

I heard the door open, "Oh, can you stop?" I stilled my fingers and looked up at Jude. "You're hurting my ears." I had to laugh; she was throwing my own words back at me. She walked in, smiling. "What can I say? You've made it yours." I lowered my feet and turned to her, seeing if she was okay with me changing her song. She was smiling, I couldn't help grinning back. "I gotta admit, it feels right. This is the same direction I wanted to take Boyz Attack right before…" I stopped, not wanting to get into it. Jude sat down next to me, "Right before what?" I just shook my head; I should never have mentioned it. "What happened between you and Chaz anyway?" I stood up and put the guitar down. "It's the same old story, boy meets band, boy becomes big star of band, band wants to kill boy in his sleep. In the beginning, Boyz Attack was all about Chaz. And then I started getting the attention, It just killed him. Chaz, he has no vision. So the band got real stale real fast. So I walked." I turned around and looked at her. "Well don't you think it's time you guys made up?" I knew she was having a problem with her friend Kat, Spiederman was talking about it the other day, maybe she could learn from my mistake. "That's the thing with feuds Jude, the longer you let them go, the worse they get." She looked away, lost in her thoughts. I walked over to her, put my hand on her shoulder. "Fix it Jude, before it's too late for you and Kat." I walked out, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

I went to find Kwest, I needed to know exactly what he had said to Jude. I found him in studio one, wrapping things up for the day. I closed the door and leaned my back against it. "So, Jude knows about my alcoholic, abusive mother. Anything else I need to be aware of?" Kwest raised his hands up in the air, "Man, she was killing you with her treatment; I couldn't sit back and not do anything! I only told her about your mom, nothing else, I swear!" I nodded and stepped forward. "Thanks for looking out for my back, man. But promise me one thing; don't tell Jude anything else, okay?" He nodded at me and I opened the door and walked out.

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Wednesday morning, Jude and I were standing on stage along with the other performers for Music Helps. We were at the press conference that was promoting tomorrow's telethon. I looked over at Jim, the host; he was talking to the camera, "For all you hungry press fans, next up on our bill is a special treat. Despite their incredibly busy schedules, both Jude and Eden jumped at the chance to lend their support." Eden stepped forward and grabbed the microphone out of his hands. "My music can help save the world, how could I say no?" Jim laughed, "Thank you Eden." I tuned him out and listened to Jude as she whispered to me, "I think I just threw up in my mouth." Barbie Doll turned to her, "Just admit it, you're jealous of me." I rolled my eyes at that, Eden had nothing on Jude. "Why? You're not nearly hot enough as you think you are." I looked at Eden's furious expression, "Funny, that's what Shay said about you."

I grabbed both of Jude's arms, pulling her body back into mine. She tried resisting me, "Okay! It's on!" I pulled her to the side, away from Eden. "Tommy, I saw this on Law and Order, it's justifiable homicide. I let go of her, blocking her path to Eden. "You wanna burn her? Sing her butt off the stage, until then, you just smile and say anything for the kids. Got it?" She nodded and we both turned back to Jim as he started wrapping up the press conference. "Now it's my great pleasure to introduce our final act for tomorrow's telethon." I took a step forward, but stopped in my tracks as his next words penetrated my mind, "Performing for the first time in years, Boyz Attack!" What the hell did he just say?! My smile froze in place and I looked behind me as I heard something drop. The guys had been standing behind the banner, hidden from sight earlier, but now they stepped forward. I turned my head back to the front as Chaz stepped up to my right side, putting his arm around my shoulders. I smiled as I grabbed his hand and dragged it away from me. Jude moved up to my left side and whispered in my ear, "Anything for those kids, right?" I didn't say anything, just gritted my teeth and smiled for the cameras.

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I didn't say anything during the ride back to the studio. I parked the Viper and stormed inside, trying to calm down before I lost my cool in front of Jude. She followed inside and up the stairs. "What about the kids?" I had told Chaz before we left that I was out if it was a Boyz Attack reunion. I'd do a solo, but not that. I turned to Jude, "The kids can help themselves, I'm gonna kill Chaz. I gripped the balcony railing and looked up as Chaz strode through the door. "I had no choice T, this isn't all about you, some of us need this. Look, JP's got kids man; Bruno had to sell all of his swag on EBay." I tightened my grip on the railing, releasing some of my anger, "So you ambushed me in front of cameras? Not cool. You know I'd never agree to a reunion!" He just looked up at me, furious, "C'mon, it's just one song! Just something to get our names back out there, maybe boost our catalog sales. And you owe us T!" I had enough; he came here telling me I owed them, that I ruined everything? "I owe you nothing!" I would have gone on, but Jude grabbed my arm. "Okay, okay, can I just have him for one second?"

Chaz threw his hands up in the air and backed off. Jude backed me away from the railing, pushing my forcibly. "Can you stop freaking out for just five seconds and think! This is not about reliving your dorky past. It's about changing it." I looked at her, wondering what she was thinking. "What are you talking about?" she glared at me, like it should have been obvious, "You're a producer, so produce. Show the world a Boyz Attack that you can be proud of. If I can suck it up to Eden, you can suck it up to Chaz." I looked at her and knew she was right. I looked back at Chaz, saw him pacing down below. "One song, our last one." Chaz took a big breath in relief. "It's all I'm asking. He walked away."

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I leaned against the door frame of the sound booth, Jude is sitting at the sound board, headphones on her ears and singing, 'Pick up the Pieces'. She made it sound amazing, but then she could be singing a nursery rhyme and do the same thing. I watched her for a moment, but then decided it would be fun to tease her. "Jude Harrison, a closet Boyz Attacker!" She turned around and slid off the headphones. "Sadie used to sing this song nonstop. If I could forget the lyrics, I would." She took the cd out out of her Discman and handed it to me, "You know, the studio arrangement actually sounds pretty good." I smiled at her, glad she liked it. "Thanks, it was just something I was working on before I quit the band."

Chaz walked in, "Biggest mistake you ever made." I looked at him, daring him to go on. I guess he got the message I was sending. "Thanks again for doing this man. All the guys are in the rehearsal room, we're ready whenever you are." I followed him out and handed him the cd, "Chaz, I want you to give this a listen, okay. I broke down the drum tracks, amped up the…" He cut me off, "Absolutely, just after rehearsal."

He opened the door to the rehearsal room and walked in, everyone was waiting inside for us. "I'd say we go all the way back, just take it totally old school, you know give them what they've been missing." He turned on the music, the old version and counted off, "5,6,7,8." The guys formed up and started the dance routine. Jude walked up beside me and started laughing; I just leaned against the door frame trying to figure out a way to breach their thick skulls, they weren't getting my point. I waited for a moment and then walked over to shut the music off. I waved my hands in the air, "Why don't you just air the damn video!" Chaz looked at the guys then at me, "Okay, we won't wear the suits, just the bandanas. Are we cool?" I scoffed, he thought this was just about the suits? He hasn't changed. "No man, we are anything but cool, this ain't 1999. Alright?" I looked at them, willing them to see the point I was trying to make, "Look, I'm just trying to help you guys not look like losers when you go out there."

Of course, Chaz took it the wrong way, the way he always did, "No you're a loser! You're a loser for walking out on a good thing. You know what? We were a band until your spotlight hogging broke us up!" I walked up to him, he never understood, he always thought I wanted the limelight; I did, but not enough to break up the band over it! I walked because Chaz couldn't see past an inch from his face; it was always his way, or no way. "Nothing changes man." I looked at him and continued in a quiet voice, I was afraid if I got any louder I would start yelling, seriously, how stupid can he be? "You're still jealous." His jealousy had always blinded him to everything else, I had some great ideas, we could have done so much, but he just wouldn't allow it. "You're still a prima donna. What's the matter? Ol' Tommy going to throw a little tantrum?" I looked at him, saw that's what he wanted, "You know what?" I backed off, wiped my hands in front of his face, "This was a bad idea. I'm outta here." I turned to leave. "That's fine, go on, quit again, that's the one thing we can count on you for." I walked out, ignoring him, he called after me "We're going to go on without you!"

Jude followed me out the door and dragged me into the alley way. "I can't believe that!" I looked at her, waiting to see whose side she was going to take. "He's so stupid Tommy! The new arrangement is fantastic, and he wants to go on tomorrow in dorky white suits and bandanas, gag me with a spoon, why don't you?" I shrugged, "I tried, but they still don't want to listen to me." She looked at me, "You're still coming tomorrow though, even if you don't perform, right?" I smiled, "Yeah, I'll still be there to watch you knock Eden on her butt." Jude hugged me and jumped when her cell went off. She looked at it and I just opened the door for her, already knowing by her expression that she had to jet. "It's Kat, I have to go." I nodded, "See you tomorrow Harrison."

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Thursday morning, I was at the telethon watching the fireworks about to go off. I had warned Jude, but she just blew my concerns off. Eden was not going to play by any rules but her own. Georgia, EJ and I were standing in the crowd, out of the cameras' way. Jim moved on stage and stood between the two ladies…Um, not that I can call Eden a lady. "Now, I'm standing here with two instant stars, Jude Harrison and Eden. Now I've been following your feud in the tabloids ladies and the rumor is apparently you're going to bury the hatchet right here tonight in song." Jude smiled at him and leaned into the microphone, "Yeah, but Eden has something she'd like to say to everyone first." Eden smiled at Jude; I was tempted to cover my eyes, "Right, um, I'd just like to say that I'm sorry Jude. I'm sorry you're a played out rock cliché and I'm really sorry about Shay, I guess he likes his women to be well, women."

Georgia grabbed my arm, I didn't realize I had taken a step forward until she yanked me back to her side, "Cool it Tom, she can handle herself." I knew she was right, but still, I wanted to punch that psycho Barbie doll out for her. No, I'd have to let Jude do that, I don't hit women, ever! I'd think of something to get her back though. Jim walked over to the phones, giving Jude and Eden one last glance, "Well let's go to Nancy on the phone. Let's just say it's going to be a little safer over there. If that's them burying the hatchet, I'd hate to see them when they're actually fighting." I looked over at Jude; she waited until the cameras were pointing somewhere else and ripped into Eden. Atta girl! I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Jude stiffened and then walked off the stage. I was about to follow her when Georgia stopped me, "Tommy, let EJ handle it." EJ took off to the back stage area and I looked at Georgia, about to argue. She shook her head and glared at me, "Do you remember what we talked about last month?" I nodded, angry. "Back off of Jude, you're just her producer; let someone else be her friend for now."

"Yeah, okay!" I walked off, in search of a friendly face, anyone other than Georgia. I found Kwest and Sadie hanging out; she had on an old Boyz Attack shirt. I grinned at Kwest before nodding to her shirt. "Yeah, I couldn't talk her out of it, man." I smiled at her, "Where's the five year old that you stole it off of?" She rolled her eyes and hugged Kwest. "You both know it's cute, so cut it out. Besides, it's going to be worth money later, an original Boyz Attacker shirt worn at their reunion!" I looked at Kwest, he hadn't told her I pulled out. He shrugged, "I'll break it to her gently." I nodded and walked away, I saw EJ run up to Georgia looking frantic. I walked over to them and Georgia turned to me. "Jude is gone, as in not in the building! I'm going to kill her for this!" I shrugged, "Stay calm, I'll find her." She rounded on me, "Not before their duet, Eden is going to have to go up there solo!" I laughed and she narrowed her eyes at me. I did some fast thinking and came up with a plan.

"Okay, first, I'll get her back here, second, Eden is going to ruin her credibility by going on stage alone, she can't even come close to the notes that Jude can, she'll break. I think that's musical justice, don't you? And third, Jude can take my spot with Boyz Attack, she knows the song and she's amazing! Trust me, it'll work out." Georgia glared at me, like it was my entire fault that I didn't ignore her orders and chase after Jude earlier. "It had better; we need good publicity, Tom." She walked away and I grimaced as I watched as Eden took the stage. Yeah, she totally cracked on the first line, not a good start.

I walked away from the stage and tried Jude's cell phone, c'mon pick up Jude! She wasn't and I kept trying before I left a voice mail telling her about the plan. I decided she wouldn't ignore a text message so I punched in '911, get back here now!' as Sadie walked up. I could tell Kwest broke the news to her. "Hey, where's Jude?" I groaned, "Right now? On Georgia's hit list." Sadie looked at me, her arms crossed. "What's your deal? Why aren't you doing the reunion?" I looked at her and then waved to the stage where Eden was still wailing through the song. "It's about musical integrity." Her glare just got even colder, "Really? So when did it stop being about the fans?" I rolled my eyes and she continued, "Look, when you were in high school, was there ever a band that you just connected to, you knew every song, lived for their videos? Waited in line for concert tickets in the rain?" I nodded, "Yeah of course."

She uncrossed her arms and moved up to me, her face softening, "Yeah? You were that band for me, for a lot of people. How can you be ashamed of that? If you don't think that that's worth one five minute performance, then maybe your fans aren't the only people you're insulting." I watched her walk away and thought about it, she was right. I had lost sight of the fans. I thought of how many autographs I still signed every day, even though we hadn't been a band for years. I lost focus at one point, but Sadie just made it all clear to me. My cell buzzed and I looked down at the text Jude sent me, 'On my way back now!' I decided what I wanted to do and walked to the back stage area where Chaz and the guys were getting ready.

I found them hanging out in their white suits, they looked like dorks. I knew I needed to grovel and apologize to them; I was wrong and hadn't realized it. "I never thought I was better than you guys, any of you." At their looks I amended it. "Alright, maybe I did think that. But I was wrong. Okay?" Chaz walked up to me and pulled my cd out from his back pocket. "No, you weren't exactly wrong. Jude slipped me a copy of the new arrangement. Better than we've ever sounded." I smiled, that was the best compliment I ever received from him. "Then maybe people should hear it, don't you think? Except this time, I'm not going to be the one in the spot light." I smiled and told them my plan, except I added one little detail to it, I wanted to be on stage with them and Jude.

Chaz hugged me, "Thanks man! We really wanted you there with us!" I looked down at his suit, "Look, I know you guys want to bring back the old feelings and all, but seriously, the suits have got to go. Why don't we just go out there in our street clothes and perform that way? No pretentions, just us, grown men and Jude?" Chaz looked around at the guys, saw their nods and looked back at me, "Yeah, I guess we could do that." Jude came rushing in just as the stage hand gave us our two minute call. "Hey! Tell me the plan again, Quincy." I pulled her into a hug, "You okay girl? Where'd you run off to?" She pulled back and smiled up at me, "I had to talk to Kat, I realized something and I couldn't let it go for another second without talking to her. Sorry I worried you." I shook my head, Jude would always be herself, jumping first and then looking as she fell. "Okay, we're going to sing the first part and then you're coming in on the bridge, 'I'll write your name in stars…" She nodded and I looked up as the guys came back in, yeah, they looked so much better without the suits and bandanas. They were just in time to because we got the cue to go on stage.

The five of us walked on stage and sat down on bar stools; I saw Sadie in the crowd and smiled at her and Kwest. Chaz started off the song and I focused on the music. It felt great, kind of like I had found a piece of myself that was missing. My heart leapt as Jude walked on stage and added her voice to the mix. It was truly wonderful, all of us together on stage. The audience loved it; Sadie and Kwest whipped out their lighters and were waving the flames back and forth, swaying with them. They were so cute together. As we finished the song, Chaz put his arm around my shoulder, it felt good. I had missed them, we used to be a family before things went sour, and maybe now, we could start over again.

Jim came up on stage, "Wow! Boyz Attack together again! What a fantastic way to end the Music Helps telethon!" Chaz looked at me, "Well, if you really wanted to tour man…" I glared at him, "Don't even!" We laughed and I stood up and walked over to Jude. "You loved it, didn't you?" I smiled at her and pulled her into a hug, "You know me, anything for the kids." Jim waved to us and we all took a bow for the crowd before heading off stage. Jude pulled me to the side, "Look, my Mom wants to have a family dinner tonight and Sadie and I were thinking it would be easier with more people there, you know, 'cause Dad's not there." I looked at her, seeing the pain in her eyes. "We want you and Kwest to come, help keep the mood light, you know?" I hugged her again, "Anything, Jude! It'll be a great dinner and you're mom will have to kick us out for causing too much laughter, just wait and see!"


	13. Train In Vain

A/N: I don't own Instant Star or anything relating to them, wish I did because then I could have done a spin off with Tommy…oh well. I hope you like this next chapter and just want to remind you all to be patient, after all, I'm in the last month of college summer semester and I'm averaging two major tests a week. : ) Hopefully I can knock out a few chapters in my two week break in August. Thanks for the continued support and well wishes.

We've been in the studio all day laying down 'That Girl', Jude's last track for the album. Georgia's been on pins and needles, waiting for us to finish it. I looked over at Jude, through the glass, she smiled back at me. "That's it girl, now we just need to mix it." Kwest came in and dropped off Chinese, "I'm heading to Studio two; I've got to do some more work on the backing tracks while you two work in here." I nodded, everyone was pitching in and we were all tense, we had a deadline breathing down our necks. Jude came in and threw herself down in the chair next to mine. I handed her one of the containers of food and turned back to the sound board, the bass just didn't sound right. "I can't believe it; we're mixing out last song together." I tweaked the bass and looked at my watch, "That's right, thirty six hours and then I'm on a plane to New York, final mix in hand. And then it's one last day of mastering and then that's it, the albums done. The end of an era, girl." I stretched my arms, trying to get all the kinks out of my back. That's what you get for sitting at a sound board all day long, we've been at this since seven this morning and it was now eight o'clock at night.

She smiled at me, "Or the start of a new one. I've already started writing songs for our next album." I shrugged; I couldn't let her get me involved. "It's your album, I'm just the wingman." She sat up straight, "Are you kidding me? Tommy, you're my producer, you're my co writer. You're my partner. I couldn't do this without you." I looked away from her intense gaze, making another adjustment to the song, "You might have to Jude. I don't know if I want to produce your next record. I think I need a break." She leaned forward, "Why?" That's a really good question, one that I can't honestly answer for her though, so instead, I lied. "It's hard to explain, I just… I just know something's missing." I couldn't tell her that it's hard to breathe when she smiles that smile of hers, the one she reserves for just me or that sometimes when she hugs me I just don't want her to let go. No, I couldn't tell her any of that. She stood up, "Oh, so you're dumping me." I shook my head, I had a ton of work left to do and this wasn't helping. I had to get her out of here before she melted me down to a pile of mush. "Jude, just go home, get some sleep." She leaned down toward me, "But be warned Quincy, you can't get rid of me that easy." I smiled at her. She turned and walked out and I went back to work. After all, I only had thirty six hours left.

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I finally called it quits around one in the morning and went home for a few hours before making it back here at seven. I'm running off of five hours of sleep and who knows how many gallons of coffee. That's probably why I didn't notice Jude and Darius talking right away, shoot; I didn't even notice her walk into reception. I glanced up from the equipment and saw Darius handing her a dozen yellow roses. Man, I should have thought of flowers, my mind was all scrambled, trying to finish this in a rush, but make it fantastic as well. It's amazing how fast time creeps up on you. I took a break from my work and went to investigate. As I watched D hand her a business card, I knew what he was up to.

I walked up quietly, trying to hear their conversation, "Listen, so what? She handles your records, I handle your career, we work hand in glove." He saw me walking up. "Tom. I just want to congratulate you and your girl here on finishing the album." I don't even bother faking a smile, "Thank you Darius." I looked at Jude, "Jude can you just give me one minute with Darius?" She nodded, "Yeah" and walked off smiling, turning D's card over in her hand.

I turned to Darius, "You sign her over my dead body." He shook his head, smiling, "Think what's best for her. I made you a star." I glared at him, "You made me do taco commercials. And you aren't going to do the same to her clear?" Georgia walked up scenting danger, "Shouldn't you be mixing Tom? This album leaves this building at six a.m." I looked at her as she walked away, looked at D and then walked back to the studio. I had to let my anger go or it would get in the way of giving my all to Jude's album. I walked into the studio and saw Sadie kissing Kwest. "Hey you two, this is not a motel. Hey Sadie." She looked up and smiled, "Hey, I'm going now to bug Jude and leave you two to your work." Kwest had stars in his eyes. I sat down next to him, "You're whipped man." He nodded, "Yeah."

We took turns over the hours getting each other coffee and sandwiches. I stretched and played back the song, I think this was it. Kwest and I had our heads bent, listening closely to the underlying tracks. I held my breath as the song neared the end, listening intently. I closed my eyes and let it wash over me, it was perfect. Kwest gave voice to my thoughts, "Sonic perfection man!" I smiled and opened my eyes, "For once I think you're right man." Kwest looked around at the mess of coffee cups and left over sandwiches, "We're done, we finished it!" I nodded, "Let the whole world know Kwest, tell them all that it's a wrap!" I got up as he dialed into the office intercom system, "Attention G Major, listen up 'cause production on Jude Harrison's record is now a wrap."

I walked out of the sound booth to find Jude, only to have her almost fall into my arms. I hugged her, "Congratulations." She smiled up at me, "You did it." I raised my hands to her face, framing it and looking into her eyes, "No, you did it. This is your masterpiece." I let her go and backed up as everyone started gathering behind us. "You know, for the celebration of the album, I kind of have a gift for you and I think you'll like it." I was shocked, I didn't think to get her anything and she had a gift for me. "A gift for me? I didn't get you anything!" She smiled and hugged me again, "Yeah you did, this album. This album's my gift." Georgia called us over, "Jude, Tommy." We looked at her as she uncorked the champagne. "Get in here!" I hugged Jude one last time, "Look this is your moment, enjoy it." I watched her walk into the sound booth and get swallowed by her family and the crew.

I watched Stewart hug her, Jude's tight smile let me know that she hadn't forgiven him yet. I moved to help her out but Kwest intervened, "Sadie says she's trying to work it out." I looked again at Jude, noticing now that she was indeed trying; I smiled when she looked my way. This past week has been great, we've been hanging out like we used to. Just last Thursday, Kwest and I had dinner at Jude's house. Things like that were making me feel like things were going great, too great. Kwest snapped me out of my thoughts, "Sadie thought that we could do dinner again, since last Thursday was a blast." I smiled and shook my head, "It's amazing Vicki didn't kill us when we started playing football with that excuse of a bread loaf." "Yeah, although she swore she followed the recipe." Sadie walked up and put her arms around Kwest's waist. "So, how about we have a competition; see who can create the best fudge sundae?" I smiled at them and started backing up, "I don't want to see you two playing with whipped topping!" I looked towards Jude and noticed that the party moved out into the reception area. "While you guys are making plans, I'm going to clean up in here."

They walked out to join the party again leaving me alone. I sand down into a chair and rested my chin on my hand. I couldn't believe how fast the time had flown by. I could still remember the first day that I met Jude, how angry I felt when she insulted me, not looking beyond my past. Now it's like she has her own personal window into my soul. How was I supposed to continue working with her, feeling the way I feel about her. I sighed and stood up, started cleaning up the mess from the whole day, half eaten sandwiches, empty champagne glasses. I didn't like it, but I knew that I had to move on, try to put Jude behind me and find someone that I could be with, fall in love with. The thought of saying goodbye to Jude cut me to the heart though. I hoped I would be strong enough to walk away for both our sakes.

I pushed my thoughts away and finished cleaning up all the trash before putting away the equipment. Kwest poked his head in the door as soon as the last microphone was put back into its place. "Jude's been looking for you; she's waiting in studio two." I nodded, "Thanks." I looked around one last time before heading to the next room. I found Jude sitting on a bar stool with her guitar in her hands. I spread my hands wide and looked around, not seeing anything out of the ordinary, "Alright, I'm ready for my big gift, where is it?" Jude smiled and started playing her guitar, I looked at her, watched the light play in her hair. Something about the song sounded familiar. My gaze snapped to her eyes as the first words left her mouth, "'Cause he's frozen, under an ocean of ice." My throat tightened up and I started to see red, "He let's me walk there, beneath his moon at night. But he's frozen, he shields my eyes from the sun. And the great believer, dosen't believe anyone. This ice age is melting away."

I couldn't believe what she had done, my heart couldn't wrap around this betrayal. She took a very personal song I wrote when I was torn up over Angie and turned it into something not mine. I couldn't speak for fear that I would just scream, it hurt so much that she'd do this to me. She looked up at me, seeing my face void of all expression, "You didn't like it." Damn strait I didn't like it, but a more important question, "How did you even find out about this?" She put her guitar down and ran a hand through her hair, "Kwest. Did you like the rewrite. Would you wanna record it?" I shook my head, she still didn't get it but I wasn't going to tell her not in a million years, I was just going to point out a few obvious facts. "Slow down, even if I wanted to, Darius still owns that record." She smiled and reached behind her, pulling out my demo cd. "Not anymore! I got it for you Tom." I took the cd from her hand, looking at it, not believing it. Darius walked in, "She drove a hard bargain too."

I looked at both of them, what the hell did she get herself into, D never gives anything up without a fight. "Alright, look, somebody better tell me what's going on here now!" Darius waved his hand in a calming motion, like I was about to calm down, not bloody likely. "It's strictly business. I had something Jude wanted, Jude had something I wanted. Now everybody's happy." He put his arm around Jude's shoulder. "Say hello to my newest client." He raised his champagne flute up in toast. I looked at both of them, not knowing what to say, my anger and hurt had my throat locked up. I shook my head and stalked out of the room, Jude called after me, "Tommy!"

I ignored her and pushed the door open to the back alleyway, needing to get out into the night and just calm down. Jude came running after me, Tommy! Tommy, can you just wait a second!" She grabbed my arm, "Can you just wait one second?" I yanked my arm away and turned on her. "I can't believe he tricked you into this! Okay? It's inexcusable!" I knew D had to have a hand in this somehow; Jude would never have hooked up with him for anything. "Tommy, it was my idea! You said something was missing and I think I found it, the record." I glared at her, "It's a demo Jude. It's half finished!" She stepped back and I walked away, "Well then let's finish it Tommy, together. You heard what I did with your song; all it needed was just some updating. Can you imagine what we can do with the whole album?" I turned back and walked to her, letting the anger slip into my voice, "What we can do?" She nodded, "Yeah!" I had enough, maybe I was being too cruel, but she hurt me and I just wanted to lash out and hurt her back, "You go behind my back, you meddled in my past, and you messed with my song! There is no we anymore Jude, especially after you pulled a stunt like that." I walked away back into the studio, leaving her staring after me in the alley.

I found Kwest and Sadie in the reception area, sitting on a couch. I nodded at Sadie, "I need to borrow Kwest for a minute." She smiled and slid away from him, Kwest stood up and followed me into the sound booth. I turned on him as soon as the door closed behind him, "What the hell do you think you were doing telling Jude about Frozen?" He looked at me, and leaned back against the door, "Jude came to me about Frozen, she found out from Sadie and wanted to know more about it. I honestly thought it wouldn't have been a big deal man, I thought you probably wouldn't have liked her coming to you about it and bringing up the past with Angie and all." I looked at him, thinking about it, yeah, I wouldn't have liked it, and he truly thought he hadn't done anything wrong. "I'm sorry Kwest, it's just that she's on Darius' team now all because of the stupid demo! She traded her career for the rights to the cd. He'll screw her over man! He'll make her do stupid stuff and end up ruining her career, and her self respect!" Kwest shook his head, "Tommy, she cares for you, deeply. She was probably only doing what she thought was best, I don't think she'd intentionally hurt you. Take a step back and think about it before you do anything stupid." I slammed my fist on the back of a chair and winced as the pain shot through my arm. "I blew up at her, told her I couldn't work with her anymore. I don't think she'll forgive me that easily, I was a bastard." Kwest pushed away from the door, "Just give it some thought tonight, talk to her before you leave for the airport tomorrow. This is about more than Frozen, you have to decide if you can continue working with her feeling what you feel for her." I nodded and gave him a quick hug, "Thanks Kwest, get back to your girl, she looks lonely." We walked out and I waved to Sadie before heading out to my car.

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A few hours later, I was back at the studio, showered and refreshed from a short nap. It took me awhile to fall asleep with all the thoughts running through my head, but it all came down to one thing, I couldn't walk away from Jude. I would continue by her side until she pushed my away or my heart broke enough that there was no way to put it back together again. No, actually I had more self preservation instincts than that, at least I hoped so. I nodded at Kwest as I walked into the sound booth. I had forgotten some equipment last night, namely my head phones and a few other things. I had just finished zipping my bag shut when Darius walked in, "Tom, just so you know, I'm gonna take care of Jude like she's my own." I swung my bag around to my back, "Ain't any of my business anymore." I knew that I didn't mean that, but I wasn't going to give D any ammo for later, you never know how he'd turn it on you to make you do something stupid, like taco commercials. I gave a mental shudder and started to walk past him, he stopped me with his next words, "You walk out on that girl you're making a big mistake." He picked up a copy of Jude's cd. "Look, the truth, I locked frozen up because it was weak. I did you a favor."

I started to walk past him; I didn't want to hear this. I turned back, "Remind me to thank you." Darius scowled at me, "Let me finish! The album was really bad, but this is the jam!" He held up Jude's album and walked closer to me, "its cause of you. You made this. Look, I signed Jude because she's good, but you make her great man! And vice versa. You got some beef with your past, got to let it go. Cause you and Jude are the future." I looked up at him, smiled and hit him on the arm, friendly like before leaving the studio. I walked outside and got into the car, waiting to take me to the airport. Yeah, so maybe D wasn't all that bad. I thought about it for a moment, no, he has something up his sleeve to be buttering me up like that. I'd eventually find out what it was.

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I thought about what I would say to Jude all during the ride to her house. I still hadn't figured it out by the time the car pulled up to her driveway. I sighed and got out of the car, jogging up the steps to her front door before knocking. Jude answered looking adorable with her sleepy eyes and her old space invaders t-shirt. She smiled at me, "I'm so glad you came. C'mon."She reached out and pulled me inside. I looked at my watch, "I only got a couple of minutes." She turned to me after closing the front door, "Look I'm sorry. Really, I totally meddled." I looked at her, she seemed really torn up over our argument last night, I decided to give her a break. "Look, save it. I appreciate what you did. I mean, it was insane, but it was sweet." She shrugged and looked down at the floor, "Yeah, but you hated what I did to your song." I reached out and placed a finger under her chin, raising her face up to mine, "No, I hated that you made me face things that I was avoiding. Look I might record a solo album again one day, I don't know. But I do know that it's my decision. Cool?" She gave me a small smile, "It's cool."

I smiled back, "Good because I made another decision. And it's a big one!" She looked up at me, confused, "What's that?" My smile widened, "I want to produce your next record if you still want me." Her eyes opened wide in amazement, "Really?" I shook my head yes, "Really." She knocked the breath out of me with the force of her throwing her arms around me and squeezing me tight. "Of course I want you!" I had to try twice to find my voice and it still came out strangled, "I'll take that as a yes." She had her head buried in my chest, "Yes, of Course!" She hugged me for a moment longer before pulling away to kiss me on the check. I smiled at her and she pulled the front door open. "You're going to be late Quincy." She smiled at me one last time before pushing me out the door to the waiting car. I jogged back down the steps and opened the door, turned for one last look before getting into the car. She was leaning up against the door frame with a huge smile on her face. I waved to her and slid into the car. Things were looking up, I leaned back against the seat and touched the place where her lips kissed my check. Yeah, things were definitely looking up.


	14. Should I Stay Or Should I Go

A/N: I don't own Instant Star, just really enjoy playing with it. Sorry for the long wait, the only excuse I have is finals and I needed time for my brain to unmush. Unfortunately, I've been stuck in the Harry Potter Universe this past week. I don't think an Instant Star/Harry Potter fan fic would go over well, not unless Harry and Tommy duke it out over Jude. I hope you all enjoy this latest chapter, have fun reading.

I opened the door to my apartment and dragged my bag behind me. I just wanted to take a shower and curl up in bed. New York was non stop work, but it's done. Jude's cd should be ready to hit stores in a few days. I made it to the bedroom when my cell rang. I dumped my bag on the floor and pulled my cell out, looking at caller id. I couldn't help the smile that formed when I saw Jude's picture on the screen. I flipped it open, "Hey, just couldn't wait to talk to me, huh?" I sat down on the bed to pull my shoes off. "You know me Quincy, I can't stay away from my favorite producer." I laughed and started unbuttoning my shirt, "No, it couldn't be that, maybe you just want to pick my brain on some new material?" My fingers stilled as I let her laughter wash over me. "No, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over tonight and hang out with the family, I missed you." I ran a hand through my hair, collecting my thoughts and trying to untie my tongue. Only one thought resounded in my head, she missed me!

"So, what did you have in mind?" I finished unbuttoning my shirt. "Just dinner and a movie, I figured you'd be tired and would probably want a shower and a nap. Mom is making spaghetti with garlic bread. Are you interested? She said to show up around six tonight." I smiled, "Yeah, that's perfect. I'll see you tonight, and just for the record Harrison, I missed you too." I flipped the phone closed and walked over to my closet to find something to wear for tonight. I saw one of Jude's favorite shirts and pulled it out while looking for a pair of pants. I wanted to look good, but not to the point to where it was obvious that I tried. I smiled again at the thought of Jude missing me and I shook my head to clear it. I had just a few hours for a shower and a short nap.

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I pulled up in my Viper and watched as Jude came running down the front steps. I barely got out of the car before my arms were full of an excited young woman. "I'm so glad you're back! I can't believe it, my album is done, I'll be holding it in my hands in just a day!" I smiled down at her and hugged her one last time before releasing her. "Calm down girl, let's go inside before your mom beats me with her spoon for holding up dinner." Jude laughed and dragged me inside by the hand. "Beware the spoon!" I laughed and shut the front door, "Well yeah, it hurts!" Sadie poked her head around the corner, "You guys better hurry, Mom's going for the spoon!" We rushed to sit down and we all broke into laughter as Victoria came in brandishing the dreaded spoon. "Just in time guys!" I was thrilled to see how all three women were getting along so easily with each other. Sadie and Jude had mended their fences over time and Victoria was moving on, a little sad at times, but always willing to join in the laughter and smiles.

After dinner we wound up in front of the T.V., Jude and I on the floor and Kwest and Sadie on the couch. Jude I were continuing our debate on the proper way to make popcorn, "It has to have loads of butter Quincy! It just doesn't taste right without it!" I shook my head and threw a kernel at her, "If you drown it in butter then you lose the salty taste Harrison! You have to have the right blend for it to be perfect!" A kernel of popcorn hit me in the back of the head, "Hey! If you're going to join in the debate, at least give us a heads up first!" Sadie laughed, "That's what that hit for for! Forget butter and salt, you have to jazz it up with seasonings." Kwest laughed and put a hand over his popcorn bowl, "You guys are definitely crazy! The only way popcorn is good is if it's plain!" I caught Jude's eyes and smirked, she nodded her head at my unspoken idea and we both jumped up and dumped our popcorn over Sadie and Kwest's heads. We were having fun and laughing so hard until Victoria came into the room with the spoon in her hand, "Don't make me use this on you guys!" I ducked behind Jude and peeked out from behind her, "No need, we'll clean the mess up!" Victoria smiled and walked back into the kitchen, "You'd better!"

Jude turned on me, "What are you doing hiding behind me! You should be protecting me from her, not the other way around!" I shook my head, "No way, you didn't warn me last time that she was deadly with that thing and I was only a minute late that last time. My hand was smarting all night because of it!" Jude smirked, "Yeah, whatever. It only hurt for a minute, it's just that you had to go and steal brownie batter when her back was turned that you got smacked again!" I looked at her evil smirk and looked over at Kwest. Before Jude knew what was happening, she was tackled and begging for mercy.

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I swung by Jude's house the next morning and was actually surprised to see her waiting for me outside. Before I could get out and open her door she was already climbing in. "Morning! Just think, in a few hours I'll be holding my first cd in my hands!" I smiled at her before putting the car back into drive. "Jude, if you keep this level of energy up all day, you're gonna crash!" She just shook her head, "That's what coffee's for Quincy!" I laughed and tried to take her mind off of her cd, "So, has the music muse hit you lately?" She smiled and launched into a long conversation of her newest idea and before long I was pulling into my parking spot at the Studio.

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Jude had finally wound down and was lying on a couch with her guitar in her hands. I was leaning back in a chair with mine and was working on a tune I couldn't get out of my head. I smiled as I saw Jude glance at the front door yet again for the millionth time. Ever since Georgia left to pick up the cds, she's been waiting for her to come back. I frowned and changed my fingering on my guitar. I had just figured out what sounded off when Darius' voice boomed into reception, "Special delivery people." Jude put her guitar down and ran over to them, "Tommy they're here! C'mon!" I glanced over to her and smiled. There were too many people crowding around for my taste, so I stayed on the couch working the melody out of my head. Georgia placed a box down on the table, "The rest will hit the stores in…" Jude interrupted her, "Eleven hours and twenty seven minutes!" Georgia laughed, "Right." Jude shoved her hands in her back pockets and turned to D and Georgia, "Thanks guys, this is better than Christmas!" She hugged Darius and Georgia. Darius smiled at her excitement and then got down to business. "Congratulations. Okay, what's up with this release party on Saturday?" I frowned as I saw D turn to EJ, I was still upset over the whole manager thing he pulled with Jude. Jude started tearing open the box of cds, I sat back and watched everyone, trying to figure out the melody that was haunting me.

EJ walked over to Darius, "We scored a great sponsor, Herbal Essences, killer venue." Darius nodded, "Okay." EJ walked over with a poster and unrolled it and laid it on the table, "Very hot." Darius walked over and looked down at it. "Hotter than that weak tour that Tom's got planned for her I hope." I figured now would be a great time to but it. I got up from the chair and put my guitar down before walking over to them, shaking my head. "The tour is perfect for her." Darius scoffed at me, "A nightclub tour? That's karaoke!" I just ignored him and walked by. He turns to Georgia, "Georgia, I'm her manager now. We should at least have her open for somebody huge." I walked behind Jude who was leaning on the table, lost in the sight of her new cd cover. I shook my head and walked over to the coffee maker, my caffeine level was low, and I needed some time to think before I ripped into D. I knew that he was only thinking about publicity and the wide spread public opportunities she'd have, but I just knew that Jude wasn't ready for that. A smaller tour would help her get her feet wet and then she could decide what she wanted for her second tour. Georgia walked up to me, "We agreed to let it be Jude's choice. That doesn't mean that he can't do everything in his power to influence her decision, you know he will." I smiled at her, "I know, thanks for at least leaving it up to her." I turned around and took a sip of my coffee. Jude was still lost in cd land and didn't see Jamie walking up to her. I shook my head and grabbed my guitar before holding up in the studio. Jude needed to share her joy with her best friends.

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Friday afternoon I was ready to tear out my hair. Nothing was going right, I was snapping at the band members I was working with and finally just told them to call it quits for the day. Kwest started cleaning up the equipment, "Does this have anything to do with the fact that Jude is leaving for tour on Monday?" I sighed and laid my head down on the table, "Yeah, I think it does. I'm going to miss having her around and I'm worried about what tour she's going to pick. D's not pulling any stops and I think he's close to pushing her into something too big for her." Kwest stopped winding up the cord to a microphone and sat down next to me. "I think you need to take your mind off of it. Sadie's not expecting me for another hour; you want to lay down that melody you've been working on?" I nodded and stood to grab my guitar. "Yeah, maybe you can tell me why I can't get it just right. My hard drive's in my bag."

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We had just finished the final take when Jude popped her head around the door, "You busy Quincy?" I smiled and shook my head, "No, if I tried to keep Kwest any longer, Sadie would probably hide the coffee tomorrow." She smiled, "Good, we're going for coffee down the street, see you in the lobby." I shook my head and turned to Kwest, "Do you know what's bugging her?" He unplugged my hard drive and put it back into my bag as I put away my guitar, "Nope, but give her time and she'll spill it. I have to go take my lady out to dinner know, see you tomorrow." I slung my guitar case over my back and grabbed my bag, "Thanks for the help Kwest."

I walked out to the lobby to find Jude pacing. "Chill girl, if you keep that up I might not let you drink any coffee tonight!" She smiled and grabbed my free hand, "C'mon Tommy!" I let her pull me out the door to my car so I could put my gear in the trunk. "So, how was the day with Jamie?" I locked the car and we started walking down the street to the local coffee shop. "It was good; I dragged him to the store and made him buy my album. It's so surreal, you know? I can't believe it's finally happened!" I opened the door for her and smiled as she passed me, "You made it happen girl, it was all you!" She nudged me in the shoulder as we walked up to the counter to place our order, "You know I couldn't have done it without you." I shook my head, "You would have gotten their eventually, I just helped a little bit." I picked up the drinks and let Jude lead the way to a table that over looked the night sky.

We sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the view and each other's presence. Jude pulled her cd out of her bag and held it in her hand, flipping it back and forth. "You know how long I've waited to hold my own cd in my hand?" I put my coffee cup down and looked at her, "I think I've got an idea." She put the cd down on the table in between us and I briefly covered her hand with mine. "So the record dropped today and you go on tour. I mean, we are heading into a whole new era." She looked down into her coffee mug, "Yeah, about the tour, it's kind of small." I sighed; I knew Darius was going to change her mind, "Don't listen to Darius, okay? Darius just wants to turn it into a big stupid pop act. Touring, it's a new muscle for you. You gotta get used to it."

She smiled at me, "So come with me." I winced, "Ummph." I was so not expecting that to happen. On one hand, I'd love to say yes, but on the other, I knew I'd drive myself crazy being that close to her all summer long on a tour bus. There was no way I could just be her friend and producer in that type of situation. "C'mon, you know I'm better with you than without you." I smiled, trying to take the sting out of my rejection of her offer, "Ditto, but look, I'm a producer, I'm not a roadie, plus you've got EJ to chaperone and.." I trailed off, not knowing any other rational objections I could make. I don't think a fear of jumping her one night would go down so well.

"Okay, so come as my friend, or whatever." She smirked and took a sip of her coffee. My head was saved from explosion by my cell phone. I looked at the caller id, "Uh, I gotta take this one." I stood up and moved away from her, "Hey, what's up?" I tried to listen to Georgia on the other end, but my mind was stuck on Jude's expression when she said that last offer. "Tommy!" I winced at Georgia's volume, "Yeah, sorry, I'm hear." "I just wanted to make sure you got the message to meet Kwest at the studio tomorrow." I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see it, "Yeah, I'll be their bright and early tomorrow Georgia." I hung up with her and took a deep breath before walking back over to Jude.

I slid into the chair and took a sip of my now cold coffee for bringing up her last idea. "Look, I think it's great that you want me on the tour with you, but I just can't Jude." She put her coffee down, "Why Tommy? It's not that big of a deal, it's only going to be six weeks." I sighed, "I know, but I need some space and you need to get to know your band. This is a great opportunity for you Jude, it's your first tour, you're chance to go a little crazy and find out new things about yourself." She picked up her bag and stood up, "I really want you to be there Tommy, but I guess it would be too inconsiderate to ask you to give up some of your personal space for me." I stood up and tried to grab her arm before she walked out, "Jude." She threw a look over her shoulder at me, "I'll see you tomorrow Tommy, I'm just a little upset right now." I sat back down and stared out the window. I felt I was back on the emotional roller coaster labeled Jude and Tommy.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

Kwest and I finished working with G Major's newest band, Disturbed. I was worn out and hoped that maybe Jude would be ready to talk tonight at her release party tonight. I was placing the different loose cables back in their slots when Kwest broke the news, "So, I heard that Shay Shay asked Jude to tour with him, seems Eden is out of the picture." I turned to him, "You're serious? Do you know if she's agreed to it?" Kwest threw his hands up in the air, "I don't know what her decision is, I just know that he gave her a plane ticket just in case." I nodded and finished putting away the equipment. I turned to him, "Thanks for the heads up, I'll see you and Sadie tonight at the club." I walked out of the studio and looked at my missed call log, still empty. I left a message on Jude's phone trying to explain my decision, but the girl can hold a grudge for real.

ISISISISISISISISISISISIS

After showering and changing, I showed up at Jude's party. I wove my way through the crowd looking for Jude and spotted her on the second level talking with Darius and Georgia. They looked to be deep in conversation so I mingled around for awhile before looking up again, only to find that she was gone. I looked around to find her and saw Darius making his way to me. "I just wanted to congratulate you again on the album. It's wonderful and I'm sure that Shay will think so when Jude opens for him on his tour." I turned to him and tried not to strangle him, "So, you think that this is the best for Jude? That she'll be able to handle the stress of a huge tour her fist time out?" Darius shrugged, "She's got Shay to watch her back, and it's good publicity, you know the press will eat it up, the feuding couple together again on tour." I took a deep breath when what I really wanted most was to haul back and give him a black eye. "You honestly expect me to believe that Jude and Shay are a couple again, after what he did to her?" Darius smirked, "Of course not, but the press won't care, they'll eat it up and we'll sell mad records, that's business Tommy." I shook my head and walked off, If I couldn't punch him than I didn't want to be around him.

I found Jude and Sadie talking on the lower level. "I just talked to Darius, were you going to tell me you were doing the Shay tour?" I knew it came out too harsh, I didn't need Sadie's glare or Jude's sharp retort to know that I could have said it better. "Well, it's my decision, if you wanted to come with me, it could have been yours too." I sighed, I tried to calm down and try and get her to see the situation form my side, "I know you really don't care what I think right now, but the Shay tour, it's a bad choice. You're not ready." She turned on me, "You don't get to tell me what to do right now, Tommy! Oh, these last few weeks, I let myself fall for you again, and I thought you were falling back. Have you even a little?" My thoughts froze, I wanted to hug her and shout out yes, but I couldn't. "Jude, you can't ask me that!" She glared at me, unwilling to back down. "I'm asking."

EJ took the stage, "Okay, everybody Herbal Essences presents Jude Harrison!" Jude looked at me, "What do you want, will you make up your mind?"I sighed as she walked away to take the stage. She started playing the song, Temporary Insanity.

What just happened, did you kiss me?

Cause that's a place we've never been until now.

And I don't know how it's gonna be after this,

Do we pretend these feelings don't exist at all?

Or do we fall?

She looked straight into my eyes and I couldn't take it, I walked out of there. I resisted the urge to punch my fist in a wall. Just when I thought I had things under control, my emotions under control, I was thrown for a loop. She was falling for me, again. I wish I could rejoice and shout to the world that I was in love, but I couldn't. There was no way I could go down that road, not until she was eighteen at least. I just hoped that we'd mend this before it tore us apart. I couldn't imagine not having her in my life. She's become too ingrained in it for me to walk away from her. "Tommy!" I turned around as Sadie came running after me. "Look, I don't know what's going on between you two, but I'm here to help if you need it, okay?" I hugged her, "Thanks. I don't want to lose her as a friend Sadie, but I don't know how to hold on to her when she keeps pushing me away." Sadie squeezed my hand before letting it go, "Just give her time Tommy, she'll come around. I know you love her, but let her cool off this summer." I nodded, "Thanks Sadie, I do love her; I wish she'd understand that. I just can't do anything about it for now, it's not right. For now though, she needs to spread her wings and fly on her own." She nodded, "Be patient with her and keep in touch with both of us this summer, okay?" I nodded and hugged her one last time, "Have fun on your trip."


	15. The Distance

I don't own Instant Star or Evan and Jaron's song The Distance.

I stared out at the night sky, imagining that Jude was doing the same where she was. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, trying to gain control of my emotions. It has been 15 days. 15 days, 18 hours, 32 minutes since I last spoke with Jude. After the eighteenth unreturned message, I started to feel like a stalker. Sadie left yesterday on her trip and she promised me she'd let me know if Jude called her. I looked at my quiet cell phone; it was just past three in the morning. I shook my head and went back inside my lonely apartment. I opened my journal and picked up my guitar. At least all these sleepless nights gave me more time to finish this latest song. I wish I could have gone on tour with her, even though I knew it was impossible. I hate myself at times for not just jumping in and damning the consequences. I strummed a few chords and then launched into the newest 'let's rip Quincy's heart out song'.

The sky has lost its color; the sun has turned to grey.  
At least that's how it feels to me whenever you're away.  
I crawl up in the corner as I watch the minutes pass.  
Each one brings me closer to the time you're comin' back.

I can't take the distance, I can't take the miles.  
I can't take the time until I next see you smile  
I can't take the distance, and I'm not ashamed  
That with every breath I take I'm callin' your name

But I can't take the distance

I still believe my feelings but sometimes I feel too much  
I make believe you're close to me but it ain't close enough  
Not nearly close enough

I can't take the distance, I can't take the miles  
I can't take the time until I next see you smile  
I can't take the distance, And I'm not ashamed  
That with every breath I take I'm callin' your name

I brave fire and I brave rain to be by your side I'd do anything  
I can't take the distance

I will go the distance, I will go the miles  
That's how much you mean to me

'Cause I can't take the distance, I can't take these miles  
I can't take the time until I next see you smile  
I can't take the distance, and I'm not ashamed  
That with every breath I take I'm calling your name  
I can't take the distance

It's hard to remember as long as you're away  
When I find solace there's only one way

I strummed the last chord and let my head fall forward. I silently wondered how many miles away she was. Kwest forbid me to check Google anymore. He said I was turning into a crazed stalker, I believe him. Although if I had been with her on tour I would have remained in sweet ignorance of what's happening here. I put my guitar away and slipped my journal back into my bag. I should probably get some sleep before I had to face the mass destruction of G Major.

* * *

I walked into the studio blurry eyed with a large coffee glued to my hand. If I could have gotten away with it, I would have stayed in bed this morning, but someone had to be here to fight Darius. I nodded at EJ as I walked past her to the conference room; we were having another meeting on budget cuts. I slipped into my seat just as Georgia stormed in, dropping an armful of files onto the table with a thud. "Morning people, hope you have your heads on straight today, because if we don't come up with something soon, Darius is going to steal the company out from under us."

I shook my head at the inevitable. We've looked at every possible angle, and I couldn't see any way possible to get us operating in the black again. I snorted as I had an amusing thought. "Okay, Quincy, share the joke." I looked at Georgia, "Well, I just had an idea on how we could raise lots of money; however, the reputation of G Major would probably suffer the backlash. I was just thinking of an auction for a date with 'Tommy Q' for one evening, after remembering how the telethon took off a few months ago." Georgia gave me a sad smile, "Thanks Tommy, but you and I both know it wouldn't work. We don't even have the funds to set anything like that up at this time. Besides, you don't want to go through that and I'm not about to force you to."

I sighed with relief into my coffee cup. She was right, I would have hated every minute of it, but if it helped to keep Darius from running this company, then I would do it with a smile. I looked up as Kwest came through the door, a grim expression on his face. I looked at the music charts he held in his hands, this wasn't going to be good. Georgia looked up, hopeful "How's the new album riding the charts?" Kwest shook his head and handed them to her, "Not good at all, it's like no one has any interest in spinning it on high traffic air time. I've talked to numerous stations and I get the same response, 'they'll see if they can fit it in' and they never do."

Georgia flipped through the charts, looking utterly defeated. She took a deep breath and looked each of us in the eye, "Okay people, I'll work with Darius and try to get him to let everyone keep their jobs. There's nothing we can do about this, except to play ball with him. Tommy, keep your nose clean and don't antagonize the man if you know what's good for you." I hit the table with my fist, "Georgia, there has to be…" She cut me off, "There is no other way Tommy, we've looked at everything and Jude's album was our last hope. It tanked and our hopes went down with it. Darius can be a good man at times, just don't piss him off and follow his rules, everything should work out fine." She stood up and gathered the forgotten files in her arms, "Just take the day off while I talk to him, I'll see everyone back here tomorrow." I watched her walk out of the conference room; she was trying to control the shaking in her limbs.

I sat back in my chair and sighed. The enormity of the situation washed over me as I thought about the fallout that would happen over the next few weeks. I knew Darius; he wasn't going to make this as pleasant as possible. If anything, he'd be sure to try and make my life living hell for as long as he could. I looked over at EJ as she wiped a stray tear off her face. "We tried, we did everything possible, but it wasn't enough." She nodded and gave me a small smile, "It just won't be the same around here without Georgia." I stood up and gave her a hug before walking out to my car. Yeah, it wouldn't be the same here anymore. If I knew how much things would change in the next few weeks, I probably would have kept walking and never come back. I let my mind wander to thoughts of Jude one more time, yeah, ignorance is bliss.

* * *

A head pops out behind the laptop, 'Okay, no hurting the writer. Blame the delay on Darius. The evil bald man scared my muse away, and I just barely got her back. Unfortunately, my Anatomy and Physiology test scared her away again and I don't know when she'll come back now. So, I'll let you all know when ever she pops her head back in.' The head pops back behind the laptop and starts studying the muscles of the human body.


	16. No Sleep 'Till Brooklyn, Part One & Two

All day long I could barely contain my excitement. The moment I had been waiting for has finally arrived and now, I just feel like throwing up. On the other hand, I felt like punching Jamie's face in, but it wouldn't help at all. Somehow when my back was turned, he talked Jude into going out with him. Now, Jamie and I are standing on the curb as Jude's bus pulled up. I couldn't help but smile as she jumped out, a moment later, it felt like it had froze in place as she jumped into Jamie's arms. "Hi. Oh god, I look really messy and busish, don't I?" I took everything in, from her ripped blue jeans to her green beaded top and jacket and her mussed mellow auburn hair, I thought she looked amazing. I soaked her in while trying to ignore the twisting in my gut. Jamie smiled down at her, "No, you look like a musician." I turned around and greeted Spiederman as he stepped off the bus, giving Jamie and Jude some space. My attention was half on their conversation as I heard Jamie continue, "You look better than I remember." I nodded at the other band members and turned back to Jude's conversation, "Likewise, boyfriend, person. How did you get so cute? Oh!" She squealed and grabbed him in a lip lock, hugging him close, "Oh, I missed you."

If there was any way I could have intervened without looking like the jealous guy that I was, I would have. I almost snorted at Jamie's fake British accent as he teased her, "Contact lenses, all the better to see you with my dear." I stood there feeling like an idiot with my hands in my pockets, waiting for her to notice me, for her to tell me somehow what this was between us. I was so confused with what she wanted that I had decided to let her set the tone. She looked up and caught my gaze. I nodded at her, "Ms. Harrison." She smiled at me uncertainly, and reached out to shake my hand "Mr. Quincy, or producer person?" I couldn't help it; I just had to wrap my arms around her. I pulled her into a hug but soon found out that any grace there was between us had disappeared and was holding a smarting nose after she bumped into it. "Okay, yeah I think I left the sophisticated part of me behind in Moose Jaw." I snorted, "Famous for sophistication." She took a step back and looked at me questioningly, "What me or Moose Jaw?" I couldn't help but tease, "I think I'm going to go for an even split."

Jamie cut in, "Uh, Jude's mom threatened to harm me if I didn't bring her straight home. She's making our favorite, J shaped pancakes." Jude looked at me, so many emotions swimming in her eyes that I couldn't put a name to. "Well I think she can manage to make T pancakes too, I have tons of new stuff to show you." I really wished that I could have accepted the invite, but there was no way I could have stayed impartial to her for much longer and I was needed back at work soon, "I'm going to need to take a rain check, okay? But, you and me, we need to talk some G Major drama." Jamie piped up, "Post breakfast or Jude's Mom is going to shave off my eyebrows." I smiled, "Of course." I so didn't need that mental image. I turned to Jude with a teasing smile, "I'll see ya Moose Jaw." I turned and walked over to my Viper, wondering how exactly I could break the news of Darius' takeover of G Major, not to mention, the bad news about the album.

* * *

After leaving Jude and Jamie, I ran by the coffee shop before meeting up with Kwest and Mason, one of the three Instant Star finalists, in studio one. Kwest and I had made an agreement after I spent half the session talking about Jude to not mention her again for today. I still didn't know how to break the news to her, it's not like I can just pick up the phone and say 'Hey, Georgia's gone and the record bombed'. I made some adjustments to the board, listening to Mason go over his final song again. I shook my head at Kwest as the distinct sound of fingers sliding over the frets came over the speakers. I called over the intercom, "Mason." He didn't look up, lost in his music, so I yelled "Mason, Mason!" He finally looked up. "We're gonna cut it, okay?" He nodded. I sighed, "You gotta watch the finger noise when you slide." I looked over as I heard Sadie greeting Kwest, and thumbed the intercom again, "I'll come over there and help you with your sound." I really didn't need to be there for a reunion between those two. It's not like Kwest didn't get to see her this summer, unlike Jude and I.

I pulled Mason into the hospitality room, giving Kwest and Sadie some privacy. I grabbed the guitar and showed him how I wanted him to place his fingers and went over his trouble spots. Luckily for my patience, he picked it up pretty quickly, and soon we found ourselves talking about the upcoming Crimson party and the finale. "So Tommy, I heard that Darius is thinking about having Jude perform with us, do you know anything about it?" I looked over at him, wondering for a moment if he had any feelings for her. I wasn't too sure, but I had always thought he swung the other way, not that it was any of my business. That is, unless he was really after Jude. "Yeah, D's been throwing some ideas around. He's really turned this show into something else. I just hope that Jude doesn't freak over it." Mason looked at me closely for a moment, "I know I'm just a newbie around here, but have you talked to her lately, I mean really talked to her, laid the cards out? I've heard that when she understands what's at stake, she actually does what's needed." I shook my head, "When did you become an expert on Jude?" Mason stood up and walked to the door, "Ever since that's all I hear about from you talking to Kwest. It's not like my ears close up in rehearsal or anything. Seriously, talk to her before it's too late."

I shook my head and watched him walk away. The guy was right though, I really needed to talk to her and explain everything. I stood up and walked by studio one. Seeing Sadie and Kwest reconnecting, I grabbed a package of licorice and stepped outside to take a break. After a few minutes of solitude, I was about to go back inside when Jude stepped outside with a dress for the party slung over her arm. She smiled at me, "Doing it alone in the alley? That's the first since of addiction Quincy." I motioned with the candy and teased her, "I can stop anytime I want. C'mon, first taste is always free." She glared at me, her frustration obvious and I felt my good mood evaporate. "How could you be mainlining sugar right now when the sky is falling? You know, more over the point, how could you have not even warned me?" I sighed and pushed away from the wall I had been leaning against, "'Cause I didn't want to dump it all on you fresh off the bus, okay?"

"Okay, but you could have explained the whole they want to replace me contest." I shook my head, "It's not replace it's follow up. And I just figured you'd find out from watching T.V. or whatever." She glared at me, "Tommy, I have been on a tour bus for months, okay? I have been watching the same copy of the Wall over and over…and over." I stepped closer to her, willing her to understand "I'm looking out for us okay?" She shrugged, "Right, okay, well I'm just going to go home and put on a dress that your ex wife has chosen and go sing a song that Darius has picked out that I'm going to be singing after the kids that are replacing me, so I say what?" I swallowed down my feelings, knowing that if I got angry, it wouldn't help any. "Listen, I hate to sound like somebody's dad, but I mean sometimes we all have to do something we don't want to do. It's called playing ball, Jude. You know, it's required from time to time. Understand?" She sighed and looked at me dejectedly, "I guess." I shook my head and walked back inside. My short lived break was over and Kwest was probably pulling out his hair working with the finalists.

* * *

I was seriously about ready to jump in the lake to cool off. I couldn't believe everything that D was throwing at me today. Not only were Kwest and I working sound for the party, but I was given the task of checking everything out, one that need I mention normally takes two or three people to do? I just finished crossing off a task on my list from hell when I looked up and found a goddess stalking towards me. I just barely managed to catch my jaw from falling as I took in the sight of Jude in a fire engine red silky dress. As she smiled at me, I could see the lines from sleep deprivation around her eyes. She still looked amazing though. "Oh my god! Wow and wow!" Sadie smiled at my gob smacked expression, "Hey I thought I'd support my little sister, you know?" I nodded and looked down at my watch, I still had half my checklist to go through, "That's nice. Jude, you're ten minutes late, okay? Fourth up, watch your tempo, got it?" I knew I was being kind of harsh, but I really didn't have even a second to spare if this bash was going to start on time. She looks around nervously, "Yeah." I smiled at her, letting it reach my eyes, "You look great; go be great, we'll talk it all over after, okay?" She smiled back, looking more confidant "Okay." I nodded, half poised to rush off to my next task, "I can't wait. I gotta go check some levels, later." I left them alone, rushing off to double check the audio cables. I really wanted to bask in the sight that Jude made in her dress, but D and his stupid list came first.

* * *

Over an hour later, I was ready to see my girl wow the crowd. I watched her and SME take the stage after the three finalists had performed their songs. I could tell Jude was nervous, but she wasn't letting the crowd on to that little fact. The band started and Jude stepped up to the microphone and took my breath away. I knew she wasn't comfortable or happy performing a cover song, but it was amazing! I let myself relax a bit, realizing I had tensed up for a moment. This was going to be great, the weeks of touring had given her an edge, an added spark to her performance that had been missing. I grinned over at Kwest and was about to tell him to fix the bass level when Jude brought my good mood crashing down around me, "Guys, stop, stop! Let's do my sweet time!" I shook my head, I can't believe she's pulling this crap! I looked over at Kwest, lost on what to do, other than to pray to any god out that that D would magically have a sense of humor.

Kwest continued changing sound levels to adjust to the new, unplanned song when I saw Darius heading my way like a rabid raving lunatic, "CUT IT! I said CUT IT!" I reached out to Kwest, but realized I wasn't fast enough when Darius yanked out the feed cords. I mentally slapped myself on the forehead and waved my job goodbye. "Get that girl out of my party!" I hoped that there was some small crack in his anger that I could break through, I tried pleading with him, "C'mon D." If anything, I think he almost burst a blood vessel, "OUT!!!!" I nodded at jumped up, moving quickly to the stage where Jude stood stunned, still gripping the now dead microphone. I reached up and helped her off the stage, wanting to get her out of the party before D could erupt any further.

I set her feet on the ground and turned on her, "Shut up and follow me!" I turned away and stalked toward the exit, not even glancing back to see if she was following. I took a few steps before she finally found her voice, "Whoa! What was that? What's his problem?!" I stopped suddenly, Jude crashed into my back and I turned on her, the small ache in my head turning into a roaring migraine. "What's his problem?! Jude, what is your problem? Exactly how stupid are you?" She flinched back from me, looking as if I had struck her, "What?" I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, praying for a sense of calm that was nowhere within reach, "Jude this take over was not good news. We could all get dropped tomorrow without so much as a good bye. I've been trying to save our jobs for weeks. Don't you get that?" After everything I had done these two months, all the stupid ass kissing I could muster among all the long hours, she threw it all down the drain. And for what? "Well I just wanted everyone to hear my new stuff Tommy, especially you."

I mentally counted to ten and wondered if I strangled her right now, could I plead insanity and get away with it? "Didn't you hear the part when I asked you to play ball? What did you think that meant? That you were supposed to go out there and pitch a Diva fit?" I turned away from her, barely able to look at her. She touched my arm, her voice begging me to understand where she was coming from, "I just wanted to make it good." I knew it was partly my fault. I knew that she was headstrong, determined to go her own way unless every obvious fact was pointed out showing her that it was wrong. I should have listened to Mason more and not hint at the problems we were facing. Maybe if I had been blunt to begin with, this wouldn't have happened. "It's not enough Jude. Your record sales are in the toilet, they can't get you air time." I let all my anger and frustration out, "This showcase? You really needed it. WE needed it." She stepped back, stunned, "Oh my god. " I shook my head, I really needed to take a breather before figuring out how to fix this mess, "I can't even look at you right now." I turned and walked away from her, ignoring her pleading. I figured I had a very small chance of talking D into forgiveness. If that didn't happen, I didn't know what to do.

* * *

I stared stupidly at the copier. I had done everything the stupid machine said, I checked for paper jams, I checked the trays for paper, I took the toner cartridge out and shook it. I even looked for a new cartridge but couldn't find one. I sighed and grabbed the old one, the only other option was to find my ex-wife and ask for her help. She'd love that. Yeah, after my meeting with D this morning, I was on scut duty for the day until he decided otherwise. I walked out of the office and scanned to area for her, finally spotting her fitting Jude for her costume for tonight's finale. I shook my head, D had a messed up sense of style if he thought skin tight silver body suits were the way to go. Although on Jude, it looked kind of hot… I mentally slapped myself on the head and reminded myself why I was mad at her and not talking to her.

I jogged up he steps to the balcony where they were working, "Portia, this machine, it wants…toner." The evil woman I call my ex looked at me as if to say, 'So? Fix it yourself idiot'. I shook my head and turned back around, "Never mind." I'd just tear apart the office looking for a replacement, again. I heard Jude behind me, "Tommy, wait. Tommy, look don't be mad okay?" I turned around and glared at her, "Why? Because I consider photocopying all day a promotion?" She actually blushed and looked down at her feet, "No, I was nervous about doing the cover at the party and I'm used to doing my own stuff and Jamie told me that it was a good idea…" I think I could have forgiven her if it was just her idea to begin with, but the moment she mentioned Gandork any thoughts of forgiveness flew out of my mind, "You listened to Jamie?" She sighed and blushed a little more, "Yeah, maybe." I snorted, "Yeah, because high school boyfriends, they always know what's best for music careers." After everything that the punk kid did to damage her career, she's still taking his advice over other people that actually know what they're doing. Yeah, he may be her boyfriend, but he didn't know jack about her career needs. Jude folded her arms in front of her and glared at me, "He cares about me Tom, the real me." I snorted again, you'd think that she would understand that he wasn't the only one the cared for her. I was sick of trying to be nice and spare her feelings, look where it got us already? "Then he'll love watching you pump real gas." My heart broke a little at the sad look on her face, I had hoped she wouldn't have to experience this part of the music business this fast, but that's life for you, always trying to knock you down. "So it's true? My album is flopping?" I spread my hands out, "Don't ask me, I'm not the one that knows about your career." I wasn't quite ready to forgive, no matter what she was doing to my heart strings.

* * *

Later that night I should have been ready to drop dead where I stood, but I was actually energized. Yeah, I know, my bloody conscience already told me I was being a jack ass, but I still hadn't totally forgiven Jude yet, even if she and Gandork were having relationship issues. I sighed and let my feet carry me to the dressing area to give her a pep talk. I saw Jude walk out of the dressing room and just gaped at her, who knew she would look even hotter as a blonde than she did as a red head? She smiled and tugged on her wig, "Hey how's this? Does this make you happy?" I sighed, "It's exactly what I didn't want you to have to do. But I mean you put yourself right where Darius wanted you." I knew exactly how easy it was to find yourself in that situation. Two words, Taco Commercials. I never wanted her to go through the same humiliation that I did because of Darius. She sighed and leaned up against the wall, "I get it. It's just kind of hard to figure out what sacrifices to make."

I moved closer to her, "It ain't easy Jude." She looked up at me, her face close to mine, "No?" I backed away, if I stayed that close to her, I would end up kissing her, and it was wrong on so many levels, one being that she was seeing dork boy. I sighed and hoped that she could see how much I cared for her and that I understood the position she found herself in, having to choose between what she wanted and what she needed to do, "For us, or the people we care about. But it's who we are." Mason, Angie and Chris walked past us to the stage. Jude motioned to them, "Well, I gotta go be who I am with semi nude aliens." I snorted to myself as she ran onto stage with them, "Yeah, because nothing says legitimate singing contest like space prostitutes." I did have to admit though; she looked great in that body suit. I turned to walk away, but couldn't. I decided to stay for a moment and watch her dance.

Halfway through the song, I made my way back to Darius and Portia. Portia smiled at me and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze before letting go. "It'll be okay, he's calmed down." I smiled back before turning my attention to the stage. Yeah, Portia and I may have ended our marriage, but there were times like this when I could remember the good times. This was the second time that she's helped Jude and I out. The first was talking D into the cover for Solid and now, she talked him into putting us back into the studio. I probably wouldn't receive the official okay until tomorrow morning, but at least my stomach wasn't tied up in knots like it had been since yesterday's fiasco. I watched as Jude glided onstage, wearing a bronze silk dress, and felt my stomach tense in a whole different way. Yeah, I've been waiting all summer to get back into the studio with her and now that we were so close, I actually wondered how I would stay sane and keep my hands to myself for the next few months.

* * *

Just to let you all know, I've got a break from the real world for a month , yippee! Hopefully I'll be able to knock out most of Season two during this break. Thanks for sticking with me through the wait. Thanks for all the reviews and all the people that have this story on alert.


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